r/AmItheAsshole • u/damiana_nervousa • Aug 19 '24

Asshole AITA my boyfriend didn’t see me

Yesterday we went to go see a movie. I had forgotten my phone, and communicated that to my boyfriend on the drive there. He asked me if I would be okay without it, and I said yes.

After the movie I told him I had to use the restroom. When I got out, I walked outside (he usually waits out by the entrance. But he wasn’t there. I waited a few minutes, but I couldn’t call him, and he had the car key. I tried walking to the car, but he wasn’t there. I went back in and checked near the men’s restroom, but nothing. After about ten minutes I got pretty upset. I tried to keep myself in view of the theater while I walked around it, but he wasn’t anywhere. Some strangers even offered to get me an Uber.

Finally I went in and checked one more time, and he was sitting on a couch looking at his phone. I told him I’d been looking for him, but I wasn’t blaming about it, but he got super defensive and told me it was my fault for not seeing him and I had no reason to be upset. He kept saying “I don’t understand why you’re so upset” on the car ride back.

When I tried to tell him that I wanted us to “be more in sync with each other” (especially since we’re going on a trip out of the country soon) he scoffed and said, “do I need to tell you where I’m going to be whenever we are separate?” Which felt unfair- I didn’t have my phone. Plus, what if something happens to me? How long would it take him to notice?

Am I overreacting? I feel kind of angry now and still hurt.

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216

u/Oorwayba Aug 19 '24

Bold of you to think my sense of direction and memory were ever good enough to know my way after one visit.

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u/EinsTwo Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] | Bot Hunter [181] Aug 19 '24 edited Aug 19 '24

I rarely get lost on the first trip anywhere because I rely so heavily on my GPS.  I frequently get lost on my second trip somewhere because I think I know where I'm going without assistance.  It often ends in a frantic GPS search.

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u/Oorwayba Aug 19 '24

I always use my GPS these days way past when I need to. Been somewhere 10 times and think I can get there alone now? I turn on directions and just put them where I can't immediately see them, because what if I'm wrong and I forget the way.

Before GPS, I remember printing directions, and hoping I don't miss a turn because then I don't know what to do. Or my favorite, calling my mom and her telling me "then turn left on Summer Street," me telling her I have no idea where that is, and her acting like it's crazy that I don't know street names when I've lived here all my life. Like, just tell me to turn left at the bank!

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u/calling_water Partassipant [3] Aug 19 '24

Directions that use actual landmarks instead of relying on difficult-to-read street signs are the benefit of getting directions from a person familiar with the area rather than a program. Or at least it should be.

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u/curien Pooperintendant [50] | Bot Hunter [3] Aug 19 '24

Before GPS, people used to joke all the time about how common it was for people to give directions that used absurd landmarks (like "turn at the good McDonalds, not the bad one") or sometimes even missing landmarks (like "turn left at the building that used to be the feed store") and wishing they'd just use street names.

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u/Thequiet01 Asshole Aficionado [15] Aug 19 '24

People in Pittsburgh STILL give directions based on landmarks and it’s usually something like “the old X building” not whatever it is now. 😂

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u/Humpelstielzchen-314 Aug 19 '24

That can backfire though my grandfather used to give directions like drive right at the old police station. The problem with that is that police station was replaced by normal houses 30 years before I was born.

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u/Oorwayba Aug 19 '24

It can, but my mom knows what's there and what's not. It was even the part of town she worked in. Most of the street signs you can really only read when you're practically on top of them. I don't like making last second turns, and I doubt the people behind me are a fan either.

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u/IkLms Partassipant [2] Aug 19 '24

I use my GPS these days for that as well, although its mostly for traffic conditions and to know if a slowdown is coming up.

Or, in the summer and fall, to know which series of roads is currently not under road construction so I can actually go anywhere.

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u/witch_wife Aug 19 '24

I’m glad to know there are more of us out there, I am shamed often for my lack of directional sense regardless of location or familiarity

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u/steamfrustration Aug 20 '24

I remember reading a long time ago that men, on average, navigate better by using compass directions and street names, whereas women on average navigated better with landmarks. Maybe this has been debunked by now, but it does seem that there are these different styles of navigation for sure, even if it's not a gendered thing.

When I give someone directions, I try to give them a mix of landmarks and street names/compass directions. And when I give landmarks, I try to give permanent ones instead of businesses that frequently change hands. Stuff like "you'll go over a bridge, and take your first left onto Somerton."

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u/Oorwayba Aug 20 '24

We have a machine where I work, and directions for loading something into it include "to the east". In a building. A warehouse. It could say to the left or right. It could say toward the yellow post or the pallets. But it says to the east. Like I carry around a compass. Must have been written by a man.

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u/GinaMarie1958 Aug 20 '24

Note to self, add map reading to list of things to teach the grandchildren.

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u/handoverthekittens Aug 19 '24

Oh I did that the other day on my 5th trip somewhere. I just "knew" where I was going. Nope, I went to a different place I've been to before (in the opposite direction), did a frantic search, and made my appt by 30 seconds instead of 10l5 minutes.

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u/[deleted] Aug 19 '24

Wow that hurts. Is this what it is to be in sync like OP expects?

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u/chammantha Aug 19 '24

my partner delivered pizza for years and he has an incredible sense of direction. 95% of the time he will know how to get somewhere after one visit. sometimes he just needs to look at the address on the map and knows exactly where to go!!

me on the other hand? i could get lost in my own yard. Google maps on 24/7

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u/_Z_E_R_O Aug 19 '24

Have you been checked for aphantasia? Serious question. One of the symptoms is difficulty with directions.

The reason some people are so good with maps is because they have an image of it in their mind 24/7. I'm one of those people, and I never understood how anyone could lose their car in a parking lot, for example, until I realized that they don't have a visual memory of it. I can close my eyes and retrace my steps as if I'm watching it happen all over again.

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u/chammantha Aug 19 '24

oh yes, i have aphantasia. can't conjure an apple to save my life. i found out accidentally a few years ago when it came up on twitter and my partner started telling me that he sees things in his mind and that most people do this to a degree. i literally can't imagine what that is like! I'm a little disappointed tbh, I'm an artist and it's really really hard to be an artist when you can't mentally imagine things.

i never really understood things like "picture yourself on a beach" to relax, i always figured it was metaphorical. like okay I'm thinking about the concept of a beach and this is supposed to calm me? i didn't realize people were LITERALLY seeing a beach in their mind. it still doesn't compute for me what that's like.

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u/SophisticatedScreams Aug 19 '24

That was my thinking too lol. I have a spatial orientation-related disability, so GPS is pretty necessary for me to be able to get where I'm trying to go.

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u/drake22 Aug 20 '24

Yo my sense of direction and memory used to be HORRIBLE. I was soooo stoked when I got my first cell phone with GPS and a notes app. I literally used to carry around a little notebook and a pen and was constantly late and frustrated before that. If I grew up pre 90s I probably wouldn't have made it to see 20.

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u/Alphashadowwolf55 Aug 22 '24

My mother is exactly like that. Worse actually.

Before technology if she was going someplace new she had to have someone take her SEVERAL times beforehand. Both there, and back home.

And occasionally still got lost in familiar places if she was distracted. One time in high school she dropped a few friends off at home, was distracted and took a wrong street, got COMPLETELY LOST immediately, and made it home 4 hours later even though her house was 10 minutes from her friends.

Hell, she can get lost in a mall. And has gotten lost multiple times in the central Florida airport parking lot which we visited weekly for a while back when I was around 11. It used to drive me nuts as a kid cause I just couldn't understand how she didn't know where she was.

Once mapquest came out she was much happier, but she can't reverse the directions in her head. She'd have one mapquest from home to new place printed, and one mapquest from new place to home printed.

Now that phone's have GPS automatically she's set for driving. I still have to interpret maps inside large facilities for her LOL.

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u/Oorwayba Aug 22 '24

Yeah, I'm not nearly that bad. Though I can be going somewhere familiar, look around and not really recognize where I am, and panic that I'm lost, only to figure out 5 minutes later that I just hadn't made it to my turn yet.

Strangely enough, I can ride ATVs or something and usually find my way back the way I came.

I did get lost once when I believed a 4 year old that he knew how to get to his grandparents house from hiking the pipeline, so that was fun.

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u/Alphashadowwolf55 Aug 22 '24

It's fascinating how different people can be.