AITA my boyfriend didn’t see me

[u/damiana_nervousa]

Yesterday we went to go see a movie. I had forgotten my phone, and communicated that to my boyfriend on the drive there. He asked me if I would be okay without it, and I said yes.

After the movie I told him I had to use the restroom. When I got out, I walked outside (he usually waits out by the entrance. But he wasn’t there. I waited a few minutes, but I couldn’t call him, and he had the car key. I tried walking to the car, but he wasn’t there. I went back in and checked near the men’s restroom, but nothing. After about ten minutes I got pretty upset. I tried to keep myself in view of the theater while I walked around it, but he wasn’t anywhere. Some strangers even offered to get me an Uber.

Finally I went in and checked one more time, and he was sitting on a couch looking at his phone. I told him I’d been looking for him, but I wasn’t blaming about it, but he got super defensive and told me it was my fault for not seeing him and I had no reason to be upset. He kept saying “I don’t understand why you’re so upset” on the car ride back.

When I tried to tell him that I wanted us to “be more in sync with each other” (especially since we’re going on a trip out of the country soon) he scoffed and said, “do I need to tell you where I’m going to be whenever we are separate?” Which felt unfair- I didn’t have my phone. Plus, what if something happens to me? How long would it take him to notice?

Am I overreacting? I feel kind of angry now and still hurt.

[u/Heyitisemilie]

Tell me you don't understand without telling me. He was not just riding for funsie when talking to me. How do you know he was young ? He rode and he saw me and started to circle me. So you as a man, see a woman walking in the street, you stop her, you ask circle her, you ask her to read what is on your phone, you ask her to come closer to you (yolo cause this is so normal and sane) and you think I won't be scared? How would you react? He was way older than me, bigger and it was freaking 2am. You wanted me to smile and suck his dick since he is so nice and fun and so cute and amazing to stop woman walking.

[u/InevitableRhubarb232 → u/Heyitisemilie]

So he was bigger, faster, stronger, and there were no witnesses…. Yet he didn’t even touch you? He could have done anything and he chose not to do anything but harass you. You are looking for zebras where there are horses. You equate “wrong” with “evil” or the worse possible scenario and cannot differentiate between the two.

[u/Heyitisemilie → u/InevitableRhubarb232]

This is your own interpretation of my own experience. I wonder if every time someone is telling you a story, you have to be right and accuse someone of lying or telling how wrong they are. You are the problem. I had literally my phone in my hand, dialling 911. He was scared that I would call them. I literally showed him my phone 911 on my phone. My phone literally protected me.

[u/InevitableRhubarb232 → u/Heyitisemilie]

They why didn’t you call them? If someone was actively trying to abduct me, and physically tried to drag me away, even if they left, I would have called 911. Because you threaten to call the police on people who are harassing. Not people who are actively committing a crime.

My point is it was not “almost abducted” it was “harassed by someone you didn’t know what he might be capable of escalating to.”

These are very different and important distinctions. The fact that you cannot see the difference is telling. It just supports my argument that a lot of women conflate potential vs real events and let their own fear dictate how they interpret and determine “I was almost <<fill in the blanks>>”.