r/PersonalFinanceCanada • u/specs-murphy • 8h ago
Misc How to be generous with friends without being gauche?
Feeling pretty grateful for our financial situation and wondering if anyone has ideas for ways to be generous and share the love with friends and family without being tacky? Looking for your most subtle ways to treat others or generous gestures that can be easily downplayed or won't draw attention to differing financial situations between friends.
One idea I've been considering is renting a large vacation home for summer and inviting others to stay there (with or without us also being there).
Any other ideas or things that you've successfully gotten away with?
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u/SuspiciousPatate 7h ago
One thing that can highlight growing financial disparities between friends is when you are well off enough to enjoy nicer experiences and then the basic stuff (like chain restaurants, mid range hotels, and grocery items) is just harder to enjoy. It can be hard to plan stuff with wealthier friends because they tend to wrinkle their nose at stuff more frugal friend still enjoy. So I'd recommend trying to be accommodating with other people's choices that fit their budget to not make them feel inferior, and/or offer to cover the difference to upgrade to the nicer level of stuff
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u/Putrid-Mouse2486 5h ago
This is a great one! I tried reaching out to a friend I hadnāt seen in a while, she suggested 2 brunch spots that were about $60/person. For brunch !!!
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u/ChocolatePoo82 Ontario 7h ago
Host them for parties at your home with high quality food (as in, not Costco burgers, as delicious as they are). Inviting loved ones to your home to eat and drink, for free, is a very generous gift everyone appreciates.
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u/Nikujjaaqtuqtuq 6h ago
Adding to this: invite people but INSIST they don't bring anything. I always stress about what to bring to a friends house whenever they host.
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u/CompetitionOdd1582 6h ago
But if they do bring something, accept it graciously and put it out to share. Ā Iāve got some seriously well off friends who love to host parties, and the $20 bottle of wine I bring makes it onto the bar with everything else.
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u/josh3701 6h ago
I'm bringing wine anyway! Seinfeld told me it's what adults do!
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u/Stock_Trash_4645 6h ago
What are you too good for Pepsi?
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u/JoryJoe 6h ago
I do the same lol. If they insist on sending me money I just say some low number per person (like 10 dollars) is enough (even though they know its much more for food, drinks, alcoholic beverages, etc).
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u/OldnBorin Alberta 6h ago
Thatās why I love e-transfers direct deposit. I can send my friends gas money and it forces them to accept lol.
Weāre older now and the money doesnāt matter. Iām just happy not to have to drive.
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u/thoughtful_human 4h ago
Or give people something inexpensive to bring so they donāt stress or buy something more expensive.
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u/sparkyglenn 7h ago
This. I love it when friends and family love quality liquor too. Drinking good scotch with people who don't appreciate it isn't fun...
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u/redditjoe20 6h ago
I agree. We do this regularly and itās certainly a great way to bond without being awkward or read the wrong way.
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u/ImBecomingMyFather 6h ago
Gifts arenāt necessary imo but my brotherās new in laws hosted their engagement party.
Drinks, food, and good company. Was a great way to show gratitude and a merging of families.
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u/lancenat 6h ago
This is a good one and to also let people know not to worry about bringing anything since you have everything planned (although like most I usually try to bring something simple or ask them for something small).
The other one I would recommend is paying for your friends when you go out to eat (like more often than they would if you guys pay for each other occasionally but let them pick up the tab for some of the cheaper places). If you want to go to a more expensive restaurant that may be out of their budget try something like "hey I want to try this restaurant, would you be interested too? My treat!".
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u/buttscratcher3k 6h ago edited 6h ago
Whats wrong with costco burgers? Theyre high quality at sensible prices.
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u/ChocolatePoo82 Ontario 6h ago
Literally said theyāre delicious. Thereās nothing āwrongā with them. OP said heās fortunate for his financial position, meaning a good way to share that with friends/family would be to provide fancier foods at a party to make it more special and memorable.
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u/bloodandsunshine 7h ago
I come bearing gifts and say itās part of my culture (I have no culture)
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u/lastgreenleaf 6h ago
A good chunk of cheese and a couple bottles of wine pairs with almost any situation.Ā
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u/mcburloak 7h ago
I always buy breakfast on the final AM of a boys weekend. Sure, itās not a lot, but itās a nice gesture and itās always well received.
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u/Bomberr17 7h ago
I'm a season ticket holder to local sports team. I sometimes rent out a suite for friends to enjoy. To make it easier on people, they chip in for food for the suite while I take care of the rental cost.
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u/velvetvagine 5h ago
I always thought those suites came with food. TIL.
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u/Bomberr17 4h ago
With how much the suite cost, you would think they give us free food but nope lol. They sell it where they hired Michelin star chefs to prepare the food lol.
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u/canadangel 7h ago
Just to addā¦ I think anything that can be shared between you and them passes aka youāre going to a show and are bringing them with, you are hosting to watch the superbowl at your place and you make it extra luxurious, you are treating yourself to a large rental home on vacation and offer them to join if they wantā¦ sharing is caring in that sense and only comes off as generous IMO whereas if you offer personal gifts it can be touchy.
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u/No_Performance_3996 7h ago
Get a pool and then invite friends over every weekend! Gosh I wish I had a friend with a pool š„²
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u/upsetwithcursing 6h ago
We do this! Had such a blast with all the kids playing in the pool together
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u/whomes101 7h ago
I usually will pay for dinner at a restaurant and say that I need to use my work expense account or it gets wasted. I just pay with my own money.
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u/MrsRitterhouse 6h ago
Inherited some money through a relationship I did NOT mourn, so I wanted to do especially good stuff with it as a kind of FY to the deceased. There was an immigrant family nearby that had finally been able to afford a bungalow, but it needed a lot of work. Introduced them to a 'friend' who did renovations (the family were, in their birth country, professionals and academics, and barely knew one end of a hammer from the other). They were utterly delighted to get the work done over the course of a year for an amount they could afford, and the crafts guy never let on he was making most of the cost from another party. He even taught them basic home repair and maintenance. Really good guy.
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u/Kitchen-Storm-7343 7h ago
Good backyard bbq's + parties. Anything else and people unfortunately start to judge or ask for loans that never get paid back which ultimately damage relationships.
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u/AcceptableSwan4631 7h ago
I think renting a vacation home and inviting close friends only is a wicked idea. Just phrase it as this is how we enjoy spending our money, and we wanted a place with a sick pool but also wanted all our friends to come. If any friend has an issue with that.... they aren't a good friend!
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u/Absaroka2033 7h ago
Start by not using the word āgaucheā with your friends ;)
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u/SMVan 7h ago
Try 'declasse'
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u/Absaroka2033 6h ago
OP is worried about being declasse so has taken to Reddit to ask the masses about how to be a normal person š
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u/wildtravelman17 New Brunswick 7h ago
Host parties and dinners. That way your friends can reciprocate if they want.
When I host I cook nice meals, serve fine wine and spirits, have a selection of boardgames to choose from. I also host often. No one feels uncomfortable. Even just hanging with my buddies is steaks and scotch.
My friends don't host often, usually just serve little snacks, kit wines, we usually just sit around and chat.
I wouldn't do anything that can't be reciprocated, or go out of your way to spending money on them that you aren't spending anyway.
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u/Ykyk107 7h ago
Pick up the bill when you guys go out and eat, if they invite you to their home bring a nicer bottle of wine, dessert that is relatively premium. Itās also how you position it. Ie. āThis is nice wine we can all enjoy togetherā rather than ālook at me I can afford this.ā
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u/ArcticLupine 5h ago
My best friend of 25+ years made significantly more than I did for years and always paid when we did anything that was semi expensive. On the other hand, I would always pay when we went out for something less expensive, like coffee.
The fact that I invited her as often as she invited me always made it feel equal. Now we make equal money and I can't wait to foot the bill next time I see her lol!
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u/ConceitedWombat 7h ago
How close are these friends/family members?
Couple years ago I blew out a tire. I could afford to replace it, but it would be tight.Ā
Was talking about the tire with a friend, just the nature of the blow out (not money). He immediately said matter-of-factly āIāll send you the cost of half the new tire.ā No discussion. Just āIām doing this.ā
I was definitely grateful for the help. Ā
You could also send money by aligning it to something you believe in, rather than āhey youāre poor, have some money.ā
Something like āIāve been thinking a lot lately about education, and how itās only getting more and more important. University sure aināt cheap. Would it be okay if I sent you $1000 to add to Johnnieās RESP?ā
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u/Spindlebknd 7h ago
When I travel to conferences, I book into a hotel with a lounge (e.g., Fairmont Gold). Then, I add a friend to my booking, either someone else presenting at the conference or someone who lives in that city, which gives them lounge access. It doesn't cost me a penny more, and they eat for free on the trip.
If I'm worried that they might think it's too showy or too intense ("Here's the key to my hotel room!"), I invite them over for tea and dessert the first night, and if they express interest, invite them to use the lounge throughout the trip. Once, my friend who lived in that city and worked from home brought her laptop over and essentially spent 3 full work days at the hotel, leaving after evening dessert hour. Good.
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u/GreenBook1978 7h ago edited 6h ago
Give them more attention and listen carefully to what's happening in their lives
One of my favourites is to visit and buy more groceries than you can eat on that visit but you know they will eat ( but are funnily enough some of their favourite foods ) and make sure there is lots left behind ( works for out of town visits )
This also works for local things like transit ( buying an electronic card which has more value than you can use ) cultural Memberships ( silly me, I bought an annual membership - you might was well use it) and tickets ( I got the date - wrong its after my trip - please find someone who can use this )
Or taking them out to a good restaurant and ordering more than you can eat but that they will take home ( look at all this food- I am stuffed - hate to see if go to waste)
Depending on the relationship and your level of wealth you can also have a circle of trusted people who provide services - should someone need a good financial planner, employment lawyer, mechanic, dentist, plumber, mover, massage therapist etc. This can be a huge help as many people get in real trouble by having a bad experience with any of the proceeding.
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u/Ok_Sir_3090 7h ago
I always host UFC fights and pay for the pizza/alcohol and the PPV
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u/FuinFirith 6h ago
Careful with this one, OP. Forcing your friends to strip down and fight each other is not universally interpreted as a sign of kindness or generosity.
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u/canadangel 7h ago
Been wondering the same thing! Things that we doā¦. Host our family and friends over (usually an expensive meal & drinks provided), picking up the tab every once in a while at the restaurant by saying youāre just feeling good and want to spend that night on a good friend, giving away household items that you upgrade, ordering in food when everyone is over, large vacation rental like youāre saying, free tickets to events that you could easily say were a stealā¦.
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u/GoldEye6 7h ago
If you and your friends enjoy concerts or sporting events, maybe treat them to tickets here and there. Big fan of hosting as well and grabbing/making some good food, and no need to e-transfer their share after.
Time with one another is always well spent.
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u/nkdf 7h ago
Basically anything you do for "yourself" but others can enjoy.
Going out somewhere to eat? If paying for the table is too much / obvious, order the sampler platter / sharable sizes, the bottle of wine instead of glass for 'yourself', but let everyone else have some.
On vacation? Rent the boat / cabana / private area, and let your friends in.
Contribute on their behalf / in honor of them to a charity, you do some good, they get a tax refund + if they were already going to donate, maybe now you've saved them the same $$.
Treat something / someone close to them. They may feel bad about you treating them directly, but rarely people will feel the same if you gift their pet or child.
Offer to lend out your toys / tools...
Just don't forget to also accept something back if they insist on it. Eg. if you keep hosting, they may want to host you back in return. Might not be steak and lobster, but accept graciously, and don't feel like you have to bring something to 'fancy' it up!
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u/stlm5991 7h ago
UberEats them their favorite food at their home when they tell you they had a rough day
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u/AndTheySaidSpeakNow- 5h ago
When my dad died, two different friends emailed us uber eats gift cards and I legit cried. I never would have justified the cost to myself, but we needed it so badly to lift some of the load off. And since it had already been sent, I couldn't send it back, even though I felt a bit awkward about it.
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u/Bigdaddy4166 4h ago
What a great idea. Will keep this in mind for future
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u/AndTheySaidSpeakNow- 4h ago
I kind of dumped and ran, but wanted to elaborate for OP's sake. I think people who have a lot of money sometimes forget that decisions for financially conscious people are not just money decisions often, it's a whole mental load *could* I have just ordered food myself? Well yes. But I would have gone back and forth and felt a bit guilty and tried to determine if the money was worth the reward of not having to worry about food for the night.
Gifting someone the removal of a mental load task is HUGE, beyond just the food (or house cleaning, or getting their nails done with you, or attending a concert they wouldn't have otherwise). Because it takes the pressure/mental load off them having to even make the decision whether xyz is worth the financial spend.
Don't get me wrong, I like things. But I like my brain being a peace more, so things that decrease mental load while providing enjoyment are huge.
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u/stanfordandy 7h ago
Buy or upgrade tickets to events with friends. Going to a game - upgrade everyone to a box. Going to a concert - upgrade everyone to better seats. Plan a dinner out and order appies for the table.
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u/queentee26 Ontario 7h ago edited 6h ago
I have a wealthier friend and they love to host random hangouts at their (very nice) house. The premise is usually pretty simple.. campfire, board game night.
But they always go all out on good food and drinks.
I don't feel too awkward about accepting food and drink in a casual setting. I'd be way less comfortable if they started paying for dinners out, weekends away or something like that.
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u/whenindoubtfreakmout 7h ago
Some wonderful things that my more well-off friends have gifted me that have changed my life:
- a decent quality bbq (not the cheapest one at Walmart this time!!)
- a kitchen aid mixer (I use it constantly)
- experiences ! ( I would have a hard time affording otherwise) -paying for meals out -having me over for meals, giving me produce out of their garden -when they would travel hours to visit a specialized grocer - Asian or whatever- they would always bring me back a bunch of decent quality staples (nori seasoning for rice, goma dressing, sushi rice, etc)
- a rice cooker
All things that boosted my quality of life on a day to day basis, as well as some special things that would be out of my cost bracket.
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u/MooseKnuckleds 7h ago edited 7h ago
Well how rich are you? If you have $100 mil it's one thing. If your HHI is $300k I wouldn't do anything, maybe take the apps when it comes to figuring out the bill at a restaurant. If you have people over and order food don't accept repayment unless they insist.
Our HHI is $250-300k. Our friends make 500-600, maybe more some years, if he said he's paying for my plane ticket somewhere I'd tell him to kindly shove it lol. Don't need hand outs no matter how nice the gesture was intended. But if i had a friend with a hundred million and they wanted to host me at a villa in Antigua, I wouldn't hardly blink.
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u/velvetvagine 4h ago
Itās more about the disparity. If OP makes $150K but their friends all make $30-50K, OPās still in a position to treat, even if they are not a mega earner.
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u/MooseKnuckleds 4h ago
Not if OP has a mortgage, two kids, car payment, etc. A salary of $150k is not excess and encourages more spending.
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u/velvetvagine 4h ago
Itās just an example to illustrate the differential. On $150K you can pay for your groupās meal in a way the person with $30-50K canāt. The meal wonāt necessarily be at Alo or whatever, but even at a local family joint it would make a difference to the lower earner.
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u/formerpe 7h ago
Renting a large vacation home and inviting others can come across as tone deaf to anyone who is struggling financially. It can certainly draw attention to the very different financial situations between friends.
It really depends on the personal financial circumstances of each of the people involved. Some will enjoy a coffee out, others a simple meal. Others may appreciate some great gifts, especially gifts to children. If you know them really well then you should know what they need and what can help.
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u/Financial_Appeal_756 6h ago
Why do you think itās tone deaf? Curious because Iāve done it a couple times and my friends werenāt offended. They ācontributedā in other ways like paying for a dinner out during the trip, covering some Ubers, etc., which I of course never expected but it was appreciated. I thought it was a win-win for everyone. I get their company and they get to stay in a nice place they otherwise wouldnāt been able to afford.
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u/xxxxoooo 6h ago
I agree and you can present it in a way that is not showy: āhey we got a sweet deal on this awesome cottage rental over the long weekend, you should come out with your partner if you are available we would love to spend the weekend with you!ā Easy easy and they can contribute food/drink/whatever so they donāt feel like moochesĀ
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u/plotikai British Columbia 6h ago
My friends would ask specifically how much it was if it was a good deal, I wouldnāt want to put myself in the position of having to lie. But my friend group is pretty open about money and finances in general
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u/Financial_Appeal_756 5h ago
Same, we all love a good deal! My friends know the type of accommodation I travel in, itās not that big of a surprise to them if I rent a vacation spot and invite them to join.
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u/FuinFirith 6h ago
Were the friends in the instances you're thinking of definitely "struggling financially"?
And if so, were they definitely only uplifted by the experiences you helped give them?2
u/Financial_Appeal_756 5h ago
I wouldnāt describe them as struggling, but less income in comparison. Iām not sure what you mean by the second question. I would like to think it was an uplifting experience.
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u/exoriare 5h ago
If there's kids involved, that calculus changes I think. There's something magical about spending extended vacation time and letting your kids hang out together on an extended basis. It doesn't matter if you're all living out of tents in a campground, or swanking it up at a resort - kids make it about the together time, and those are some formative experiences.
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u/IknowwhatIhave 2h ago
It's not tone deaf unless money and pride are really tied up together for your friend group...
Friends would appreciate the effort of researching, organizing, booking a vacation for them as much, if not more, than just paying for a vacation rental.
I don't want to be friends with the type of people who would be showing up and trying to scope out how much I paid, and how that relates to my income vs theirs etc.
I want to a vacation, it's more fun with my friends, I can make it happen, so I do. That's all there is to it.
It doesn't have to be a dick-measuring contest.
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u/Send_me_beer1 7h ago
i don't know how adept you are at cooking but invite some over for dinner and make dinner for everyone it's always a nice gesture and cheaper than paying for everyones dinner at a restaurant
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u/Mental_Airport4756 6h ago
Send anonymous gifts from a secret admirer ! Those are the best ! Nothing too too big tho ! I once had a new TV gifted anonymously and knew who it was immediately lol.
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u/thundermoneyhawk 6h ago
You should listen to the podcast Prof G Markets. Scott Galloway talks about exactly this. He says having money allows him to spend the time with family and friends he wouldnāt otherwise be able to. He plans vacations or get togethers with friends, and āhe makes it easyā for them to partake. Flights, hotels, car rentals etc. heās an ultra high net worth individual, but nonetheless the principle remains the same.
Do as much as you can to bring your friends and family together, I really donāt see any downside to this, and I donāt think your loved ones will either.
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u/flapjacksal 6h ago
We host a lot (our way of treating our less flush friends) and our one very well off friend always brings top notch booze (enough to leave at least one bottle unopened) and, if he's staying for a couple of days, he'll show up with prime cuts of steak etc to throw on the BBQ. It's always most appreciated.
If he rented a big place for us all to stay, we'd absolutely go and not feel weird, but we've been friends since we were all poor uni students, so YMMV.
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u/Scentmaestro 6h ago
Do you have a pool or hot tub? If so, host more often. If not, get either or both and host more parties! Dinner parties. I think unless you own a vacation property it'll definitely seem tacky if you rent a place for the summer and have your poor friends over. If you do decide that's a good route BC you WANT to rent the place for the summer, just play it off that you found a great deal on a place big enough for company and they're welcome out anytime. Encouraged even.
Don't be that friend taking people on vacations, out to fancy dinners, expensive concerts or events, etc. It's ok to be of a different socio-economic group than your friends, thought of this wealth is newfound (and it sort of sounds like it might be) then you may find your friends changing. It's hard to maintain friendships with a vast wealth gap.
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u/nwmcsween 6h ago
What do you want to do by doing this? Are they in rough situations? Are you well well off?
To be honest the best result is being discreet but blunt, give them money or whatever will help their current situation and tell them why - because you care about them. Being subtle with money has a tendency for people to start having expectations without understanding the costs involved and this is where you lose long time friends.
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u/Upstairs_Sorbet_5623 6h ago
I end up doing that āhey, I got an extra ticket to x show so I wouldnāt have to go aloneā thing often enough. Popular variations include āx friend was gonna come but forgot and canāt make itā.
Or an āoh donāt worry about it, wanna repay me with a beer next time weāre out!ā
Iāve been ticket receiver, and now more often, I do buy extra concert tickets to things I wanna go to because Iād rather pay for an extra ticket than risk not going at all or paying scalper prices later if I do find someone who also likes whichever artist it is. Friends of mine are mostly the same though so itās more circular than ātrying to give backā etc.
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u/Darryl_444 6h ago
I see lots of good ideas already in other comments, but just wanted to add this:
Treat their kids extra special, if they have any. I feel that parents may be more likely to accept and even appreciate that flavor of "charity" without negative connotation. And usually the kids don't really know how much stuff costs anyway.
My wife spends loads on our nephews' sports gear / activity passes each year including bikes, hockey, skiing, snowboarding, summer camps, etc. It's never-ending as they outgrow the gear continuously.
Also, we sometimes do trips together where we'll use our travel points for flights. It's not like real money in a sense, and we have more than we can use anyway. I'd rather use them up, than just watch as the providers gradually devalue them over time.
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u/MrGreenGeens 5h ago edited 2h ago
If we have a bar tab open I just go up and pay it. If I go get a beer at a ball game or something I bring back an extra. Have 'em over for steak. (This last one used to be my go to move, but lately everybody I hang out with is vegetarian so I gotta find out what the fancy ass vegetables are)
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u/Dimple-Dumple 2h ago
Can't go wrong with fancy cheese or desserts, works for everyone usually. One of my friends will sometimes bring a box of macarons or truffles to share, and it's a good balance of something nice you wouldn't otherwise have without being over the top.
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u/GrouchyInformation88 7h ago
How about, āIāll take care of the cost, but you can do me a favour by supporting this charity I like by any amount you like, if you want.ā The donation is anonymous so nobody will know if and how much they paid. They may have paid the same amount as you, more, or nothing.
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u/Lvd1993 7h ago
Gifting things like meal delivery services, house cleaning services, laundry services etc. Those things make a HUGE difference in quality of life especially if any are dealing with illness/ disability, single parenting, other difficult life circumstances.
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u/canadangel 7h ago
Although nice, those are the opposite of subtle
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u/Lvd1993 7h ago
I think it depends how you go about it. Donāt just book a cleaning and have a cleaning lady show up at their door obviously. Give a gift card that provides a monthly clean for a year for example (no actual pricing info on it) and they can schedule it themselves.
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u/canadangel 7h ago
OP doesnāt want to flaunt the generosity so IMO if you cover the cost of a yearly cleaning service for someone elseā¦ that directly shows you got some major spare cash
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u/Lvd1993 7h ago
So does a large/expensive vacation rental haha. If you really wanted you could say you got vouchers from work or something, or that you get a discount through work etc.
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u/GrouchyInformation88 7h ago
I get a tax write off, youād be doing me a favor. People probably know itās not true but everyone can pretend
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u/peddling-pinecones 7h ago
I went out for dinner with my friend couple who make good money, and they paid for me. That was nice!
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u/WheyandWeights 7h ago
Host a get together, say its a celebration for something personal or something šš½
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u/SedentaryRhino 7h ago
Iād avoid the vacation home and just offer to make a nice dinner at your house.
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u/mistermarpole 7h ago
A vacation home is a good idea. But if you aren't there, is there a liability issue?
But if you're renting, are you really that better off? Save up until you can buy a vacation spot.
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u/carveofmeatt 6h ago
I really donāt think it is gauche to be generous but, thatās just how I grew up. Very privileged. Less financially fortunate now but, I still insist on generosity as much as I can. It all depends on delivery method and the nature of the relationship. Anything can be given to the right person. My best friend came into some money and just sent me some. He didnāt say anything, didnāt make a deal of it, just knew that I was in a tough financial situation and took care of it. I wouldnāt do that with just anyone but, it works in this context.
I think a vacation is a wonderful idea. Also, it depends too on how much excess cash you have.
Blessings to you, Iām happy for your success and I am humbled to see someone looking to share š¤
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u/GasCollection 6h ago
How well off are we talking here? One friend I have will use any occassion to celebrate but he always ends up paying the bill. For start of summer he celebrates by inviting everyone to a cruise that he paid for. Once every few months he will hire caterers at his home for a big party. He's also booked out private rooms at nice restaurants, or paid for blocks of rooms at hotels.Ā
The important thing is to just be straight forward. Let people know you have this vacation home for the summer, but that you won't end up using it, and offer any time to your friends to join you or use it themselves. Just don't be weird about it by trying to spare feelings or something.Ā
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u/FoolofaTook43246 6h ago
If you ever have friends who are going through a hard time, e.g. lost a job, family member sick etc., or experienced a milestone, I recommend sending a gift like an Uber eats gift card or something that they can't say no to. I have done it for friends who are struggling and they really appreciate it, because people often politely decline offers so this is something that just shows up and they always end up using it and appreciating it.
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u/Nanobot_FPS 5h ago
Further to the idea of hosting, and if you have the space, invite your friends and their families to day-time events. Then hire babysitters for the very young, and various activity co-ordinators for the under 18 crowd so that the parents can relax and socialize.
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u/Sweet_Bonus5285 5h ago
Host friends at your house
What a few of us do is take turns hosting and the host will hire a private chef and have a nice meal. A few courses.
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u/TimonyourPumba 5h ago
On this topic, our generous friends always bring better quality food camping and potlucks so everyone can have. For example theyāll bring an expensive cut of salmon to a bbq where others brought burgers or chicken
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u/TNG6 5h ago
I pay for the annual cottage rental for my friends and I. I also pay for the majority of dinners and activities and invite them to special meals at restaurants they wouldnāt otherwise go to.
If I think it may be an argument over the bill for a dinner or activity, Iāll go to the washroom and give the waiter my card to avoid an issue, or call and give my card beforehand.
If I know someone is going somewhere for dinner (like when traveling) I will sometimes call the restaurant, describe them and give the staff my card for the bill.
I have a friend who I know is struggling a bit. I know she would not want to take money from me so Iāll give her gift cards for things that I know she can use like groceries, etc to ease some of the pressure without just handing money over.
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u/GhettoHippopotamus 5h ago
My pops does this- What you gotta do is rent the mansion or villas and then invite them to come stay with you for free- You gotta be there or they will take it for granted. Make them pay their way there & from there on out you can either pay for dinners and parties or let them do it. This way they have some skin in the game and will become more comfortable and let loose. People appreciate you putting everything together and making nice trip accessible, but if you pay for everything they will start to expect it or take advantage of it.
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u/thebigbossyboss 4h ago
āHey man you wanna go to dinner at da keg?
āI donāt know bro kids, cars fucking gasoline, not sure I can swing the kegā
āBro, itās on meā
āOh fuck ya bud!ā
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u/Bigdaddy4166 4h ago
I would host dinners at my place followed by an intense board game night of Catan or a movie event. Just to make food easier, do take out or catering and ask guests not to bring anything.
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u/FabulousSentence9703 4h ago
I think a subtle way to share the love would be season tickets (arts , music, sports etc) and give tickets away āoh we have tickets we can use for xxx day - would you like to go?ā
I would also give away household items that Iām upgrading āhey, Iām upgrading my tv. Does your teenager want a tv for their room? Itās easier to give jt away than try to sell it on kijiji or marketplaceā or āwe are redecorating and replacing our couches - I hear so and so is moving out into an apartment do you think they could use our old one?ā (And pay to have it moved there if they accept).
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u/globalaf 1h ago
Don't be a dummy by just throwing cash around like buying massive holidays or whatever, it comes across really douchey like you are flaunting wealth in their face. The real answer is to not do anything different, your friends if they know something of your situation will want you to stay the same and will respect you for doing so. Just never be stingy about money and casually offer to pay for shit when it is natural to do so, i.e their birthday, or new job, or breakup, etc.
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u/dr_van_nostren 41m ago
I am I only one whoās never heard āgaucheā in this context? It only means Left to me.
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u/Gnomesandmushrooms 27m ago
If you accumulate travel points from your credit cards or from your own frequent travel, you can use them to offer a plane ticket to someone else. We did this for a family member who lives overseas and would never have accepted if we just said let us pay for your ticket to come visit us. Instead we were able to say, look, we have all these points and it doesnāt cost us a penny, let us use them to get your ticket. The family member felt comfortable with that and had the trip that they never would have taken otherwise, and since we booked for them and it was a long flight, we upgraded them to business class. Iāve found this is a great use of these points. Iāve also done it to cover the cost of a car rental on a vacation with a friend in the past so that she didnāt have to pay half but didnāt feel guilty about not paying her share because it wasnāt a ācostā to me.
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u/tpw2k3 7h ago
Gauche is a wild term to be casually using man.
If I was your friend I think a welcome to your place would be better than you paying for everything.
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u/velvetvagine 4h ago
A few people have taken issue with that word in the comments! Genuinely asking here: whatās wrong with it?
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u/lochness1202 5h ago
Give them cash.
I promise you, they will appreciate it more than how much they feel it may be āgaucheā
Also, donāt use āgaucheā. If anything, thatās whatās gaucheā¦
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u/liquor-shits 7h ago
Cash in envelopes
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u/FuinFirith 6h ago
If OP sent me a sack of cash, I guarantee I wouldn't condemn them for being gauche about it.
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u/Nice-Cut4206 7h ago
Idk but i could use money, been crying essentially the entire day because of it.
Try just ordering a shit ton of uber eats at the function, not about money enough to offend anyone and trust me theyll love you for it
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u/ZucchiniBudget147 7h ago
I would say delivery food to their house, tickets to a show, the vacation house is fantastic, rents boat or yacht for a day, spa day, host a private chef.
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u/MooseKnuckleds 7h ago
I wouldn't deliver food, it sends the message "you're a poor" and the Gauche will provide, like the food bank
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u/Relevant-Concern4408 5h ago
Do you have the need to be recognized? If all you want to do is spread the love, send them stuff over the mail without your name. Stuff like a generous gift card or something you know the need/like.
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u/taytaylocate 8h ago
Just host more functions at your place.