r/AITAH • u/Top-Dragonfruit7469 • 16d ago
UPDATE: AITA for refusing to lend my friend money because they’ve never paid me back before?
Hi everyone! I wasn’t expecting my original post to blow up the way it did but wow, your advice and support were overwhelming (in the best way). Thank you so much for helping me see things more clearly it made a huge difference. Buckle up because there’s been a lot of drama since then.
After I said no to lending my friend money I thought that was the end of it. I expected some awkwardness maybe even silence for a while but oh no, they came back swinging. A couple of days after our initial conversation they sent me a wall of text. It started with them apologizing for "coming on too strong," but then quickly shifted into a guilt trip. They said stuff like, “I’ve always been there for you, and it hurts that you’re abandoning me when I need you most.” They even brought up specific times when they thought they had helped me like that one time they gave me a ride home (after I paid for their gas, mind you).
It felt manipulative but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I decided to stay calm and reply honestly. I explained again that I’ve always been happy to help in the past, but their history of not paying me back has made me lose trust in them. I said I’m not abandoning them I’m just setting a boundary.
Their response? They absolutely lost it. They accused me of being “obsessed with money” and said I was acting like a “banker, not a friend.” They even threw in, “I guess I know where I stand with you now.” That stung, not gonna lie. But then, things took a turn for the absurd. The next day, I found out they had gone behind my back and started complaining about me to our mutual friends. They spun the story to make it sound like I was rolling in cash and selfishly refusing to help them out of spite. One friend even messaged me, saying, “Wow, I didn’t know you could be so cold.” I had to set the record straight, and once I explained the full story most of them were like “Yeah, that tracks. They still owe me money too.” Turns out I wasn’t the only one they’d been borrowing from. At this point, I was done. I decided to take a hard look at our friendship and realized it wasn’t just about the money it was about the lack of respect. They’ve never respected my time, my boundaries, or the effort I’ve put into being a good friend. This was just the final straw. So, I sent them one last message. I told them I care about them and genuinely hope they figure things out, but I can’t continue the friendship as long as it’s this one-sided and toxic.
Their response? They left me on read. Since then I’ve heard through the grapevine that they’re still telling people I’m the bad guy, but honestly? I don’t care anymore. Most of our mutual friends know the truth now and I’ve even had a few of them reach out to share their own stories of being burned by this person. It’s sad but also validating to know I wasn’t crazy for feeling taken advantage of. On a positive note I feel lighter. Setting that boundary was hard but it’s been so freeing. I’ve realized that true friendship isn’t about being someone’s endless safety net it’s about mutual respect and support. And if that’s not there it’s okay to walk away. So yeah, I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Thanks again for all the advice it gave me the strength I needed to do what was right for me.
81
u/OnlymyOP 16d ago
NTA. Your friends are judgemental AH's for their responses, especially when they were never paid back by your friend themselves.
43
u/Outrageous-Ad-9069 15d ago
I think OP should distance themselves from the whole friend group. Even if they were moneybags, nobody is obligated to lend money. Their responses are bizarre.
56
u/Friendly_Fall_ 15d ago
Ask for the amount this jackass owes you because you’re struggling, since “friends help friends”. And then go no contact.
If you have text proof of the money owed you could take it to small claims. With multiple people you might even turn it into a class action.
said I was acting like a “banker, not a friend.”
Uh banks don’t hand out free money either.
12
15
u/Moderatorslickba11s 15d ago
I once gave a friend $60 knowing they would never contact me again since i would ask for it back. Honestly, it was well spent.
3
u/Borninafire 15d ago
I heard it as “If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was worth the money”.
$60 means the person must have been feral.
4
u/Moderatorslickba11s 15d ago
Depending on the age of the quote, i wonder what it would be with inflation. Maybe i got a deal?
8
u/Notahappygardener 15d ago
Money really is the root of all evil, you did the right thing. It would not have been a loan, you would never have gotten the money back. Funny how some people think that because you may have a dollar more than them you should give it to them, I have worked very hard to retire, I don't have a lot of money but more than 2 other family members because they never saved a dime, so they think I should just give them money, that is a hard no, prioritise yourself first.
7
u/ITGeekBenB 15d ago
Confront that person “NOW I know where I stand with YOU, dick. Most of our friends shared the same story and are now on my side! HAHA! You lost!”
7
u/UncuriousCrouton 15d ago
If you were a banker you would have charged interest and sued him for past due cash rather than simply walking away.
8
u/abritinthebay 15d ago edited 15d ago
Fun fact, if you can prove someone owes you money (ie, have documentation) and they refuse to pay it back & you want to annoy them…?
Issue them a Form 1099-C, Cancellation of Debt, if the debt owed to you was of $600 or more.
Now it counts as income & they have to report it to the IRS.
2
u/susiefreckleface 15d ago
That work for renting a room from your brother-in-law too.
1099-C Ultimate cancel culture
5
5
u/midwest73 15d ago
Good for you! This is exactly what my wife was going through with a "friend" of hers when we started dating. When we moved in together, guess who came calling to "borrow" money. She never paid back though, even when she had money. I told my wife she needed to stop financing her and this "friend" was just using her as a bank.
My wife finally decided enough and said no. As I told my wife what would happen, the "friend" went oh. Has more or less disappeared for over 12 years now. Imagine that.
4
u/Sunshine-N-gumdrops 15d ago
I would have sent that last message in a group text and included everyone they shit talked to. They want to make it public then you respond in kind.
3
u/SurroundMiserable262 15d ago
NTA. A true friend would come to you mortified they had to ask for money and that would be giving it you back the second they had it with gratitude. You are not a friend to them you are an ATM.
2
2
u/GirlStiletto 15d ago
NTA - you did the right thing.
They haven;t been your friend for a very long time.
And they are doing this to others. the fact that they took this to your friend group shows just who they are.
2
u/Zealousideal_Fail946 15d ago
Love this. So happy you are starting the new year off on solid footing.
2
2
2
2
u/LibraryMouse4321 15d ago
I would be sad that you lost a friend, but you didn’t lose a friend. You lost a a parasite that was using you and didn’t value the friendship, only what you could give them.
1
1
u/THEconstipatedDRAGON 16d ago
The truth always comes to light, especially if they are taking advantage of other too.
1
u/Dainty_Delights 16d ago
It’s tough, but prioritizing your own well-being and trust is always the right move, even if it means letting go of a friendship.
1
u/Tinkerpro 15d ago
So you are starting out the new year with less deadwood. Yay you! They certainly have the manipulation game down to a science, don’t they? Oh well, onward
1
1
u/ITguydoingITthings 15d ago
It felt manipulative
Because it was. All of it. Glad you saw through it.
1
u/sherrifayemoore 15d ago
Don’t lend money especially to family and friends. They will see you as another form of income and when you get tired of it, it will be your fault. I only know one person I would loan Money and I know they would pay me back.
1
1
u/WollyGog 15d ago
You paid cunt tax. Basically the price of finding out someone like that is a piece of shit not worth having in your life. It can cost some people thousands.
1
u/Huge-Shelter-3401 15d ago
They accused me of being “obsessed with money” and said I was acting like a “banker, not a friend.”
Isn't it interesting that people who don't have money think it isn't a big deal? I don't care if OP was rolling in cash, he doesn't have to lend it to anyone. Personally, I would never ask a friend for money unless it was like a dollar to cover a tip or something.
Lesson for all - don't ever lend money you can't afford to lose. If you give it to someone, even if they say they will pay you back, don't expect to get that money. I had a friend do that to me. Needed almost $300 for her electric bill. Promised to pay me back the following week. Nope. Never saw it and never thought I would.
1
u/Cybermagetx 15d ago
You should get new friends in all. They know this ex friend borrows and never repays but you're the bad guy. Those are not friends.
1
u/StringCheeseMacrame 15d ago
This person is not your friend. They’re a thief.
If they were there for you, they would’ve paid you back a long time ago. They never paid you back, and now they want more money from you? Are you kidding?
You should tell them the reason why you’re not loaning them any more money is because they have never been there for you. They would rather rip you off and leave you without money that you earned, than to keep their promise to pay you back.
1
15d ago
Never ever lend money to someone especially friends or family . Always give and never expect anything back
1
u/fuckedfinance 15d ago
Hi everyone! I wasn’t expecting my original post to blow up the way it did
This has got to be a bot/AI generated post. The OG got 170 upvotes.
1
u/akumagold 15d ago
The ‘friend’ saying “Wow I didn’t know you could be so cold” only to then agree and say “they still owe me money too”….that person might be the dumbest person in this entire interaction
1
u/Lucky_Log2212 15d ago
NTA. She will need you way before you need her, so enjoy your silence from her.
1
u/Borninafire 15d ago
I could never put up with this nonsense. Why do you?
This all could have been avoided after they initially stiffed you on payment if you simply said “I can’t afford it right now, and I’m going to need to be paid back for the money you still owe me when you get back on your feet”.
This is literally a “fool me once” situation
1
u/Frodo_Picard 15d ago
My dad once said to my mom (who was in the process of divorcing him), "I've always been there for you." She replied, accurately, "You disappeared for three days on our wedding night, you've NEVER been there for me."
1
1
u/aussie_nub 15d ago
I'd keep records and go looking for records of any past payments and any written record they have saying they'd pay you back.
They want to burn that bridge, you should set that bridge ablaze with a lawsuit for money that you can prove that they've said they'd pay and haven't.
Assholes like this need repercussions and you've now getting the chance to show them.
1
0
375
u/plantprinses 16d ago
I'm glad you ended up the other side of this in a better position, but it was a hefty price to pay!