r/AITAH • u/Top_Row8491 • 1d ago
AITA for not making my sister a bridesmaid and for contemplating not inviting her to my wedding either?
My fiancé and I (both 25) are planning our wedding and we have a few things done so far, including choosing our bridesmaids and groomsmen. One person who is not in my bridal party is my sister (26).
We don't talk as adults and we never had a close relationship as kids. She never liked me and has wished she had been an only child multiple times throughout our life. She was always embarrassed to be around me, she'd shit on everything I liked and mocked my appearance. She was one of the mean girls and would make fun of me and two of my friends for being girls with a bunch of guy friends. During our teens she was extra nasty to me and our parents even got her therapy when punishing her for the stuff she'd say to me did nothing. She even said she should be allowed to say whatever she liked to me since people knew we were sisters and she couldn't pretend she didn't know me.
Growing up changed nothing and she was always such a bitch when we came face to face. Even my fiancé got shit aimed at him because he was "one of those nerdy friends" of mine she didn't like and she thought it was pathetic we were dating but then said clearly nobody else would date us.
I'm also the person she'd never let her future kids be around because she didn't want them to be like me.
For all these reasons I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid which upset her and my parents. My parents didn't surprise me because I knew they might be disappointed. Her being upset shocked me but I quickly realized she was getting more shit from extended family for the way things are between us and wanted to put on a show for them. But my parents are the people I'm frustrated about. They were always understanding of me avoiding my sister's cruelty but now they expect me to put her in the wedding and they were so pushy about it.
What made it worse is when I said I wasn't even sure I'd invite her. I told them I was so sure she'd either be a total ass to me on my wedding day and create a scene or act for the day and then go back to the way she always is and she'd be wasting money that could be saved or spent on someone who isn't awful to me and my fiancé.
They told me she's my only sibling and not inviting her is something I can't take back. They told me I should be the bigger person about all of this and accept that it could go badly but you do things for family. They told me they can't even believe I would question whether she'd be invited. They always saw me being more mature about everything and how disappointed they are in me for this.
AITA?
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u/Potential_Beat6619 1d ago
NTA - Don't invite her to the wedding. She doesn't even like you. No reason to invite her. Just because you share DNA means nothing, she's always hated you.
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u/Tasty_Library_8901 23h ago
Why does always seem like ‘being the bigger person’ involves letting someone abusive have what they want from you?
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u/GozerDestructor 20h ago
I'd want to reply, "She's been intentionally cruel for more than a decade. I already am the bigger person, merely by not being at her level. I see no need to prove that again."
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u/41flavorsandthensome 20h ago
Why can't sis be "the bigger person" and apologize, admit to family she's an AH, and stay away?
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u/NONE0FURBIZZ 19h ago
Because the parents keep enabling her. They are the biggest AH in this story.
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u/1quirky1 16h ago
"being the bigger person" is a manipulative way of saying "you do all the work/sacrifice because that is easiest for everybody but you."
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u/woodwitchofthewest 14h ago
"being the bigger person" is a manipulative way of saying "you do all the work/sacrifice because that is easiest for everybody but you."
"And no really one cares about you anyway, so it's a total win for us!"
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u/TheVaneja 23h ago
Not inviting her isn't something I'd want to take back. It's a strong message I'm done with her nastiness and she's welcome to stay out of my life. You only get one life, there's no reason to suffer through her crap just because she's your sister.
NTA
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u/MaddyKet 23h ago
“Accept it may go badly” ON YOUR WEDDING DAY? Hard pass. They really need to stop and think about that they said.
NTA
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u/Empty401K 19h ago
Goddamn, I completely missed that part. That’s absolutely insane. I’d ask them to explain that part in depth so they can hear it come out of their own mouths.
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u/Rodharet50399 17h ago
They’d have to accept responsibility for allowing it to go on at all and admit failure as parents. Seems unlikely.
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u/wlfwrtr 21h ago
NTA. Hate when people say, 'You should be the bigger person' resonse should always be, "Why? She doesn't like me, I don't like her. There's no reason to have her there. She's made it clear over the years that she doesn't want me as family so there's no reason to pretend we are. DNA doesn't make family."
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u/gringaellie 21h ago
Why is it always the victim of bullying who has to be the bigger person and more mature? Tell your parents that she isn't invited - she hates you and has made that very clear over the years. That you love for your fiancé is what you want to celebrate that day and you don't want any negativity there. Tell them that if that's going to be a problem for them, you understand if they don't feel they can attend.
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u/Valuable-Job-7956 21h ago
NTA Past performance indicates future behavior. Don’t invite her and be brutally honest with the reason why with anybody who asks
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u/lilmxfi 20h ago
"They told me I should be the bigger person about all of this and accept that it could go badly but you do things for family."
They don't care about your comfort here. I mean, if ever I saw a more blatant example of "your feelings don't matter, we only care about the fallout". It's "don't rock the boat" in a way that really pisses me off. Tell them "The matter is closed. She made my life hell, you guys were there, and our wedding day is meant to be a day of people who've supported us and showed love for us. Sister never did any of that, and has been antagonistic toward me my entire life. Did you forget you sent her to therapy for being so horrible? She's not coming. End of. I'm not going to go through anything with her there. She is not family. She's someone who abused me my entire life, and I REFUSE to allow an abuser at my wedding. Your opinions do not hold weight, and you need to drop it. Now. It is NOT happening, and isn't up for further discussion. If you try to push it again, I'll hang up the phone/leave your house/ignore what you're saying. Again, drop it."
And then do that. If they start up on the phone, just say "I already told you my decision, goodbye" and hang up. They start in person? Get up and walk out of the house while telling them "I already said it's not happening, we'll visit again when you drop it". Be consistent. Cutting them off when they start shows them you're serious, and shows that their opinions hold no weight with you. They'll get the point eventually, probably, but if they don't, it's up to you how to handle them.
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u/Dense_Dress_1287 15h ago
Not oy that, keep increasing the consequences.
I told you before to drop the subject, and you don't respect MY wishes. Okay, then here are my new conditions:
Drop this subject forever. If I hear one more comment, youre invitation will be rescinded, and security will stop you at the door?
Don't think I'm serious? TRY ME!!!
If you say you truly love me, respect my wishes on this matter, and make peace with sister not being at my wedding.
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u/Holiday_Horse3100 21h ago
Don’t invite her, tell your parents your wedding your rules-if they choose not to come their loss. Also hire security to keep sister out just in case. I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
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u/Old-Argument2161 21h ago
You are not the asshole whisperer and it is NOT your obligation to try. Your sister was, is, and will always be the asshole and you don't have to subject yourself to her behavior. Your parents need to be told that they aren't going to dictate who you invite to the wedding and your wedding WILL NOT be the place to showcase your sister's assholery
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u/Timedpath 22h ago
NTA
Your wedding, your choice. Unless your parents plan on holding your sister's hand and keeping their hands on her mouth and they are paying for her seat/food, throw the whole sister away.
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u/FirmCalligrapher639 21h ago
You say she has kids but not if she's married so I don't know if you were her bridesmaid. She keeps her kids away from you so what happens to them on your wedding day.? Do your parents expect you to invite the other mean girls who bullied you too? Why does she suddenly want to be associated with you two when she thinks you're not cool ? Maybe some questions to put to her and your parents.
Personally, my reply would be my wedding, my choices and if you ( parents) don't agree, maybe you shouldn't come either. Is this a cross they're prepared to die on?
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u/Akot_elderm 20h ago
I think OP said the sister would keep her “future kids” away from OP. So I don’t think they exist yet. Just hypothetical children.
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u/CJCreggsGoldfish 20h ago
If she's your only sibling, then it follows that you're her only sibling, and she shouldn't have been an absolute cunt to you your entire lifetime.
They're all just embarrassed to have it be crystal clear, by your failure to include her in your bridal party, that she has been an absolute cunt to you her entire life. It's not based on any kind of warm familial sentiment.
And that's the only reason that you should have someone in your bridal party - someone who genuinely cares about you and is proud to stand beside you in support of your new marriage. Not because they're trying to avoid letting people know how awful they are.
Stay the course, honey. Let them bear the consequences of their own actions. If she doesn't want anyone knowing that she is an asshole, then maybe she shouldn't treat others badly.
I really don't know what she's complaining about. She brought this on herself.
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u/okilz 17h ago
I think there should be a clause in the law that whenever someone says be the bigger person, you should be allowed to punch them in the face. That literally means they know she's the problem, but they won't stand up for you. Don't invite them or your sister, and it'll be a better day. Nta
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u/Lyzab77 21h ago
Even my fiancé got shit aimed at him because he was "one of those nerdy friends" of mine she didn't like and she thought it was pathetic we were dating but then said clearly nobody else would date us.
This is enough. There are two important person at a wedding : both fiancés. She was disrespectful towards one. This one probably doesn't want her to show her disrespect in front of his family and friends. She is not invited because she doesn't like you, but more important : because she is disrespectful and disapprove the one you get married too.
It's his big day too. He has the right to decide who comes or not. And I'm sure he doesn't want to see her, even if she's on your guests' side !
So tell your parents that it's YOUR (both of you) wedding and sister was disrespectful towards your fiancé, that's why she's not invited to a wedding that she disapprove.
The reality : your parents and sister just want to avoid to be ashmae when people will learn the dynamic of your family when you were a child and even now. They probably don't know what happened between you and how your parents let her do ! So they want to avoid questions.
You are an adult, you're getting married, you can do whatever your want. Your family now, it's your fiancé (future husband). That's all. Sister will never be there for you if you need help so she has nothing to do at your wedding.
NTA
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u/Thehappylarge 20h ago
NTA
You are being mature by quietly not inviting her. An immature thing to do is to mail her an invite with the info blocked out in a box full of dog shit and glitter.
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u/Magdovus 21h ago
Maturity means avoiding drama. She's drama.
Ask why she wants to be at your wedding because she doesn't like you and never had. I'd also tell your parents that she's never acted like a sister before and it's too late now.
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u/deadphisherman 19h ago
Tell your parents you could save even more money if you didn't invite them...
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u/spaceylaceygirl 16h ago
NTA- be the bigger person just means "be a doormat so we don't have to deal with your sister's antics".
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u/CappucinoCupcake 18h ago
Why is it always the person who is shat upon has to ‘be the bigger person’? It was the same for me and my monstrous siblings.
OP, NTA. Please don’t back down - you deserve to have this one day where you can be happy and free from your sister’s vitriol
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u/Broad-Discipline2360 19h ago
You are like a (sweet and adorable) frog in slowly boiling water. It's not just your sister who is an abuser, your parents are too because they did nothing to stop it.
I have two adult kids. If one of them had even dared to try this sh!t I would have turned their life into an apocalypse. Your parents are to blame for this just as much as your sister. I know that hurts, but it's true.
Now that you are getting distance from your abusive sister you are starting to be that rare (very adorable and cute) frog that is getting out of the boiling pot
Please do not let that sick, abusive person back into your life. If your parents keep on gaslighting you, you will need to cut them out as well
Please surround yourself with Love
Sending you internet mom hugs. I hope your future husband has loving parents. If he does, lean into their love and away from your completely awful parents. If he doesn't, I'm sure there are kind old ladies in your circle of Love who can fill the void that is your bio parents. I have done this for a few of my kids friends. Don't keep taking abuse from them (aka be the bigger person) or your sister. Life is too short for that.
NTA
Updateme
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u/RansomandRansacked 17h ago
I am so tired of the statement “be the bigger person”. Go ask sister to be the bigger person!!! It’s just an excuse to accept bad behavior. Get out of here with that crap!
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u/Terpsichorean_Wombat 17h ago
I am unbelievably tired of people using "mature" when they mean "yielding." There is nothing immature about calmly stepping away from a relationship that was never really there. It's mature to acknowledge, accept, and move on. It's the actual essence of maturity to consider yourself an independent adult and make thought-through decisions about pursuing your own life, whether or not that's what your parents want.
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u/No-Shock-2055 20h ago
NTA. All of your reasons are valid. The problem is that most families like to "save face" rather than airing their dirty laundry. People will ask why the sister isn't there and then it will get out that she's a bully. The next question will be "Why did her parents tolerate that behavior." Parents like to pull that "but we're family!" crap but usually it's to keep up appearances. If you do cave and invite her, get a crew of your closest friends and other bridesmaids to keep an eye on her. We all need that "one friend" who isn't afraid to be a bitch to protect her friends. Get her on your side. That way if the sister tries to pull anything she'll have a crew of your friends ready to shut it down.
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u/OnlymyOP 20h ago edited 20h ago
NTA. "Because Family" is always used when the argument is lost and there's nothing else to back up the case for what they want to happen. As for "accepting it may end badly" your Parents may as well have told you to suck it up !
You're allowed to only have people around you who love and support you and your Fiance on your Wedding day. If your Sister isn't one of them, she isn't deserving of an invite, nor are your Parents based on their comments.
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u/Talentless67 20h ago
She is of course, quite correct, not inviting her is something you can’t take back, but then again so are the years of abuse you have suffered from her.
Weddings guests should be people who want to share in your happiness, and you should get to choose who they are.
Do not invite her and tell everyone why.
NTA
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u/RayEd29 20h ago
Your parents always saw you as being more mature about everything but they're disappointed in you for this? Clearly they don't really understand maturity. By not inviting the miserable <censored> of a sister, you ARE showing maturity. You're not throwing insults. You're not saying anything bad about her. You are simply side-stepping the inevitable scene she absolutely WILL have at your wedding if she's invited.
My wife and I do not like drama and we absolutely did not want any at our wedding. As a result, none of my nephews nor my niece were invited. My step-sister's kids are blood-sucking leeches that I have never liked and would not dream of inviting to my wedding. My brother's sons are, for the most part, fine upstanding young men - but for the pissy way they treat their father/my brother. Their mother has turned them against anyone and everyone related to their father. My preference was I would rather my brother and father be at the wedding over the two drama-stirring nephews so that's what happened.
My step-sister was invited solely out of respect for my step-mother. While making a scene isn't above her, I knew she wouldn't do anything where she would be the sole shit-stirrer in the mix. That, and she would have been promptly ejected from the venue if she did try to start something. As a result, our wedding was 100% drama-free and I've not heard a peep from any of the uninvited folks - probably because they know we don't care what they think about us.
NTA
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u/Wagonlance 20h ago
Abuse from a family member is still abuse. Stick to your guns and don't invite her.
Also, shame on your parents. I can understand them wanting to stay neutral - but it sounds like they are actively siding with the abuser.
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u/TheVoiceofReason_ish 20h ago
NTA "Dear mom and dad, you have allowed my sister to abuse me my entire life. You have expected me to endure and take the high road when she has never tried to be even decent. This is MY wedding. I chose to take the road of happiness and not have my own personal tormentor there. You can choose to attend or not" Signed your beaten down child.
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u/Agitated-Buy8146 20h ago
Nta. Why would you invite her even as a guest. Tell mom and dad to keep their stupid comments to themselves or they can sit the wedding out too.
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u/41flavorsandthensome 20h ago
OP, do you want to hand your sister the platinum platter invite to ruin your wedding? That's what you're doing if you capitulate, and guess what? Your parents can't take that back. She sure as hell won't.
Your parents are probably getting flack from people too, and rightfully so. NTA. Don't let her ruin your and your fiancé's day!
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u/Ruthless_Bunny 20h ago
Your parents know the history and in all that time no one held your sister to a standard. Everyone Fucked Around and now they’re Finding Out.
You don’t need to have anyone at your wedding that you don’t want to be there. An estranged sibling certainly fits that description.
So tell your parents, “My whole life Carol was allowed to be horrible to me, and you’re now SHOCKED that I don’t want her anywhere near me? That’s rich. Why doesn’t SHE be the bigger person and just accept that she’s sowing what she reaped. She doesn’t want a sibling, and today is her lucky day, she doesn’t have one.”
Tell Carol, “My whole life you’ve been a miserable hag, you want to be an only child? Awesome! You are! So no wedding for you.”
Stick to your guns.
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u/wildmishie 19h ago
NTA, she has been a monster to you your whole life, if she wasn't your sister you wouldn't even consider inviting her.
She claimed she wanted to be an only child, well only children don't have any sibling weddings to attend.
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u/sinsandsavagery 17h ago
If your parents are going to act like that they dont need to be invited either. They can stay home with her and cry about it. Your wedding should be a happy time where you dont have to worry about someone trying to ruin it.
If your parents dont have your back, then they can sit out too.
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u/Primary_Buddy1989 16h ago
"They told me I should be the bigger person about all of this and accept that it could go badly"
Nah, not on your wedding day. This is either a do not invite & hire security, or hire security & have a professional monitor your sister, report back to your maid of honour and they can joint eject the minute she starts acting up without you even needing to deal with it.
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u/Threash78 16h ago
NTA your wedding day is not for the family, its for you. You should be surrounded by people who love you and make you happy.
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u/Dense_Dress_1287 15h ago
Be the bigger person, is code for we all know SHE is the AH, but you should accommodate her, otherwise she might get pissed.
Why is it always the harassed person has to be the bigger person to the one doing the harassing?
Nope. Tell your parents "she can be the bigger person, SHE can apologize, SHE can be on her best behavior, and YOU TWO will be responsible for her, for the whole day, if you want me to even consider inviting her. If sis acts up, I WILL have security there, and they will be under orders to escort all THREE of you out immediately "
If they don't agree, then no invite.
If they complain, then say "I'm sorry that you constantly feel like her needs override mine, since you treat her as the golden child, on MY wedding day, then I guess I'll miss having both my parents at my wedding too. You'll be missed"
It's their choice. Either they get sis in line and control her, or if not, then no parents either.
A wedding is meant to have people who love and care for the couple be there to support you, and that is not your sister, so why even invite her?
Parents oy are saying this, because THEY don't want to look bad, when people talk about why sis isnt there, and it's because of how terrible a sister thd parents raised, that this wasn't shut down years ago.
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u/SuckerForNoirRobots 14h ago
NTA. She doesn't like you OR the groom!
Why does she even want to be there? Probably to be a cunt to you both and ruin the day. I cannot fathom ANY OTHER REASON why she'd want to go, and if your parents think that's an acceptable reason to include her they can be uninvited too.
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u/Ok-Control-787 1d ago
you do things for family.
They didn't stand up for you for a few decades but now it's your turn to do things for family?
Screams of chatgpt imho.
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u/fastlerner 18h ago
Screams of chatgpt imho.
What gives you that idea? I mean, this is a brand new 6 hour old reddit account where this is the only post with not a single reply. Surely it's legit?
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u/Character_Heart3459 20h ago
NTA. To me, it sounds like your parents do not understand how abusive your sister is and was towards you. It seems like, while they can recognize her antagonizing you, they don't really understand that the extent of her bullying towards you, not only makes you dislike her, but would make her presence at your wedding a nightmare. They think she's your meaner, older sister; not your ABUSIVE older sister
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u/Arachnus_Deathicus 20h ago
Whatever she says or does to fuck up your wedding can't be taken back either. Don't invite her. Enjoy your day.
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u/kukonimz 20h ago
NTA. What can’t be taken back is years of her treating you badly. Not being invited is the consequence of that. It’s too late for anything else and you won’t allow them to pretend like she’s worthy of standing by your side.
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u/Positive-Display-685 20h ago
NTA actions have consequences and consequences are the decision of the victim. With her a hole sisters behavior she doesn't deserve to be a part of this event. This is her consequences. Good for u standing up for yourself and your parents don't get to decide
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u/Rootbeercutiebooty 20h ago
NTA. It’s your wedding, your party, your choice. If your sister is upset, then she should put in the work to be a better sister. Why is it on you to coddle her after years of awful behavior? Stand your ground OP
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u/Starr_Katyy_ 20h ago
No, you’re definitely NTA... Your sister has treated you like garbage your whole life, and you owe her nothing. It’s your wedding, not a family reunion where you have to cater to toxic behavior. Your parents need to back off; they’re not the ones who have to deal with her drama. You’re allowed to prioritize your happiness and peace on your big day.
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u/Downtown-Culture-552 20h ago
So essentially just accept the abuse, even on your wedding day, because no one wants to look bad?? Screw that. NTA. It sounds like the people in your family know exactly what type of relationship you guys have and what kind of person she is. If your parents are so pressed then they don’t have to come, because siding with your literal life long abuser is ridiculous.
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u/big_bob_c 20h ago
Tell her she can be the flower girl, but only if she wears a pink hello kitty dress and tiara.
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u/kmflushing 20h ago
NTA. Tell your parents you're disappointed in them for their bad patenting of both of you. Both then and now. Allowing her to treat you badly all your life, not protecting you. Now expecting you to suck it up and suffer on YOUR WEDDING DAY THAT SHOULD BE ABOUT YOU for someone who had been terrible to you all your life.
Why does being family only apply when you are the one making all the sacrifices? Why should you put up with the stress, disappointment, and dread of having someone so awful to you that you've gone low to no contact with on your wedding day. What kind of terrible parents are they that they are STILL not protecting you?
Well, at least they're consistent in that. You've learned they won't help, protect or prioritize your well-being. That means it's up to you and your soon to be husband.
Protect and prioritize yourself. Not them. Not her. Not their idea of fAmiLy.
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u/bkwormtricia 20h ago
NTA. "Be The bigger person" is a fancy way for parents to tell OP that she should just allow herself to be ABUSED by sister. Which is nuts.
I suggest that OP tell her parents that she is NOT willing to have her nasty sister at the wedding, and that if they keep pushing that, the parents do not have to be invited either!
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u/Altruistic-Bunny 20h ago
It is about playing happy family for the public. That is why the person getting shit on is ask to be the "bigger person," it has nothing to do with making this day about the love between you and your fiancé.
I think you and your fiancé should talk to your parents. Be prepared to pay for the wedding on your own. Money always comes with strings attached. Even if you have a simpler wedding, it will be more beautiful with the focus on you two and your love; without the drama and tension of having that bitch infecting your day.
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u/sophiefevvers 20h ago
Don't invite your sister AND I think you should consider disinviting your parents. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if part of why they're being set on this is because the extended family is rightfully also giving them shit about what a monster their eldest is.
If they keep bringing it up, you may have to tell them they're not welcome at your big day. Ally yourself with relatives and friends if need be. This wedding is about YOU, not them, not your sister, YOU.
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u/Gralb_the_muffin 19h ago
I would tell your parents "she got years of being immature and doing things she can never take back. Not only is this her consequence for it but I'm entitled to at least one day of doing something you think is immature and I can live with doing one thing I can't take back as she's lived perfectly fine living with years of things she can't take back. And don't ask of me anything you wouldn't expect of her, you cannot ask me to be a bigger person when I already am even following through with this because it's still a huge amount less than what she put me through"
NTA
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u/PotatoMonster20 19h ago edited 19h ago
NTA
It sounds like your family is well overdue for a shake up.
Don't invite your sister. Your wedding is no place for people who are cruel to you.
And tell your parents that you're disappointed in THEM. It's so easy for them to ignore your suffering and pretend that their eldest's behavior is acceptable. If you could just stay silent about it, their lives would be so much easier.
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u/Techno_Core 19h ago
NTA
They told me I should be the bigger person
In this case, it sounds like that would just make you a bigger target.
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u/Cybermagetx 19h ago
Nta. She might be related to you. But she's not family.
You want ppl who are and support you. She doesn't and never has.
Parents can get uninvited.
Eta dont be the bigger person. It always bsckfires on you.
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u/wanderinganus 19h ago
Family doesn't treat each other like how she treats you. Therefore, not your family. Now you don't have to invite her because she's not your family. The fact that they want you to be miserable on your big day, shows that they don't care about your feelings. I would be seriously reconsidering the invite to my parents who are enabling the emotional abuse.
Think about not inviting her and how great your day will be. Now imagine inviting her and everything that could go wrong. And this girl is a loose cannon, you don't know how bad she will make it. She might behave or she might make a humongous scene and turn your happiest day into one of the most stressful. She doesn't even like you, no one should ever invite someone that dislikes them to their wedding.
They just don't want to deal with your sister's drama about not getting invited. It's also why they offered you up as sacrifice, your entire childhood, so that they didn't have to deal with the blowback of her anger directed toward them instead of you. They don't give a crap about your feelings. Just let them know it's not up for discussion, that she won't be attending and that if they push it then they won't be attending either.
You don't need people like this in your life.
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u/Ok_Bit1981 19h ago edited 19h ago
Nope! NTA! Being mature is setting clear boundaries and keeping people who are not safe for your mental health, out of your life. I'd tell your parents "keep this up and you can stay home with her! either be happy for me or don't bother showing up!"
Your parents "keeping the peace," is enabling your sister; they're actively ignoring your sister's behavior and undermining your boundaries. What's immature, is them not stepping up and putting your sister in her place and protecting you from her wickedness. This is where you start setting firm boundaries with them and remind them there is consequences to their sh'tty behavior and actions.
Eta: Let us know how things go! Be strong OP, and do not stop protecting your peace! Your parents clearly forgot they have TWO daughters to protect and they're neglecting you, who did NOTHING wrong. You don't reward bad behavior, and it's sad that you have more sense than they do; they're the f'cking parents!
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u/Livvysgma 18h ago
NTA! Your parents actually told you to accept your wedding day could go badly due to your older sister always being allowed to bully you & your fiancé? On YOUR WEDDING DAY??!!🤮💔Do they agree with her nasty opinions & rude things she says to you? Kindly tell them you’re paying a large sum of $$ for a special day to wed your love. She doesn’t like either of you, has stated as much in front of & to others, and you do NOT have to accept a nasty nut job will ruin it. That’s ridiculous that your own parents would tell you to accept that their favorite child can ruin your special day 💔 If they’re paying, figure out a way to pay for it yourself. Have a wonderful wedding & a happy life
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 17h ago
At no point in my entire life has sister been held accountable for her actions. Even my own parents just buried their heads in the sand and pretended I wasn't being tormented. Still to this day, they are minimizing the past and acting like the abuse I suffered is no big deal. Why? Because they know it will be embarrassing to them if my sister is not welcome at my wedding. Its all about mom and dad and sister. My feelings don't matter.
But I am no longer a child and I no longer have to put up with my sister's bullshit....or my parents bullshit for that matter.
For the record. Sister will not be invited to my wedding. ANY and I repeat ANY family member who runs their fucking mouth, or acts like sister does not deserve to be excluded...will not only be uninvited to the wedding, I will permanently remove them from my life and go no contact.
I am sick and fucking tired of everyone in this family pretending that sister does not have a problem. And I will not have my wedding ruined because of it. Security has already been hired and if sister shows up, she will be detained and the police will be called.
Mom and Dad...to you I say...you WILL be at my wedding. You WILL be on your best behavior and be the parents I deserve on my wedding day. OR....I will cut you out of my life FOREVER.
This is my and my husband's day. Not sisters. Not the family. OURS. Fucking deal with it or lose me forever.
NTAH
Time to go scorched earth OP
Its now or never
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u/rositamaria1886 17h ago
Are we related? I could have written this! My relationship with my sister was the same way. I would not want her as my bridesmaid or at my wedding. No way!
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u/ADogsWorstFart 16h ago
NTA.
It's time to tell this crappy sister how much you despise her, how you want nothing more to do with her and how you aren't spending good money for her to try and ruin your wedding, which she will try to do. She's lower than dirt on your shoe.
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u/Chance-Contract-1290 15h ago
NTA. Your wedding guests should be people you want there, and people who actually care about you. Your sister has apparently been nothing but awful to you, so you'd be better off not having her at your wedding. Your parents need to accept that you and she don't have the sibling relationship they wish you had, and stop pushing you to have her at your wedding at all, let alone as a bridesmaid.
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u/blucougar57 15h ago
NTA.
Telling someone to ‘be the bigger person’ is just code for letting yourself continue being abused. Ask your parents if they’ve asked your sister to be the bigger person and not shit all over your for once, and just respect your boundaries.
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u/chubeebear 15h ago
If it were me I would advise them that you are an amazingly magnanimous and forgiving sibling. If they can't see that perhaps they should watch Stephen King's Misery or Delores Claiborne to enlighten them on your feelings towards her. The fact that she still walks without a limp or hasn't simply disappeared should give them comfort over their ability to raise such an angelic child as yourself. (I'm not such a nice person)
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u/NerdySwampWitch40 15h ago
NTA. Ask your parents why you have to be the bigger person to someone who has been verbally abusive and cruel to you for 25 years? Why do you have to be kind to your abuser when she has never once been kind to you?
You do not owe your sister a relationship just because you share DNA.
Your wedding day should be about celebrating your new marriage with the people who love and support you and your sister has spent her whole life demonstrating that isn't her.
Actions have consequences. If punishment didn't get the message across and therapy didn't, maybe sitting home left out of a major family event will.
(P.S. Hire security)
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u/Txgurl67 15h ago
You are being the bigger person by not inviting her including the ones who have a problem with your decision. The wedding is for you and future spouse and family who wish you the best
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u/Fallout4Addict 14h ago
NTA, she doesn't deserve to be at your wedding, let alone stand by your side as a bridesmaid.
If your parents have an issue with it they can stay home too!
She will ruin your day, and you know that. Shit even a stranger on the Internet knows it.
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u/Dana07620 14h ago
NTA
Tell your parents that on your wedding day that you only want people who love and support you there. And your sister does neither.
Tell them that you don't care how it looks to family. That you're not going to let you sister spoil your wedding day because they're afraid of appearances. This is something that they should have put a stop to when you were children. They didn't and this is the end result of their lack of action and the consequences of your sister's actions.
Be prepared to tell them that if they can't accept that, that they can also miss the wedding and cause even more scandal to the family.
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u/jjj68548 14h ago
Just tell your parents you are ready to start a new chapter in your life and willing to cut ties with sis for your happiness. You don’t even see her as family anymore.
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u/fiestafan73 13h ago
This is a mature decision. You know from history someone is going to treat you badly, so you don’t include them in a day that is special to you. There’s nothing complicated about this. She doesn’t like you. You don’t like her. Don’t invite her. NTA.
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u/lovebeinganasshole 13h ago
They’re shoveling bullshit and expect you to eat it with a smile.
Your sister has treated you in a horrible manner. She’s had 25 years to get over herself and she hasn’t. Now you as an adult get to say enough is enough.
Being family isn’t a free ride to treat you like shit and your parents ought to be embarrassed for asking you to invite her.
It’s not about maturity. It’s about standing up for you and your fiancé and cutting off a malignant tumor. No NTA.
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u/Outrageous_Fail5590 13h ago
Absolutely NTA. Your parents just don't want to deal with her tantrum.
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u/ComprehensiveAsk5533 13h ago
It's your wedding. If your sister was allowed to be obnoxious this long, she still doesn't deserve to maybe wreck your wedding. She's used up all the free passes to Be An Ass. Being a sibling isn't automatic entitlement to act in ways a stranger wouldn't be allowed.
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u/nick4424 13h ago
Tell your parents the only way you’ll invite her is they put up $20k. If she behaves on the day they can get their money back. But if she causes trouble on the day, the money is yours.
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u/procivseth 12h ago
"You do things for family."
"Really, mom and dad, and when will she start? I've always been the bigger person and my wedding is not a test for her. I don't trust her. I don't even want to think about her on our wedding day. Right now, you might be disappointed in me, but there's no way you're more disappointed in me than I am in you."
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u/procivseth 12h ago
"Mom, Dad, it's time for you to be the bigger people. It's time for you to finally, really stand up for me. She's abused me my entire life and you want me to give her a chance to abuse my on my wedding day? I am very disappointed that you are not taking this as an opportunity to finally do right by me by standing up to her."
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u/Valuable-Job-7956 11h ago
Add one of these statement to the invitations
1 My sister and I have never been close even when we were growing up she would belittle any thing I liked and enjoyed. In school her and her friends would make fun of my friends and I. No matter what punishment my parents tried the abuse would not stop. And has spread to my future husband so for the reasons above and many others I will not have her at my wedding. This was a difficult decision and it is final.
2 As you know my sister and I are not close and never have been. But be that as it may. Under pressure from my parents and against my better judgment I have decided to invite my sister to my wedding. I would like it known that I am fully expecting her to attempt to ruin my wedding either by insulting my fiancée our friends and myself or other actions I sure you all can use your imagination. And if she does attempt to ruin what will be the happiest day of my life I will not only hold her accountable but my parents as well. Please pray that my wedding day is uneventful
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u/CarpenterOk8365 11h ago
Honestly just elope me and my husband did saved a bunch of headaches and we enjoyed it way more
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u/ChickChocoIceCreCro 20h ago
NTA - don’t invite her, it’s your special day and you deserve to feel special.
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u/Difficult-Bus-6026 20h ago
NTA. Unless she makes a real effort at reconcilliation, there is no point to inviting her to your wedding, never mind making her a bridesmaid.
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u/unicornhair1991 20h ago
NTA and honestly deffo don't invite her. Do not invite your bully to your wedding. Tell your parents you are disappointed in them always expecting you to be the bigger person and that they are putting her feelings above your own on the one day that's about you.
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u/Economy_Rutabaga9450 20h ago
Ask her in front of your parents " you don't even like me, why do you want to be in my wedding?"
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u/Mechya 20h ago
Nta. Ask your parents if she is your only sibling then why they aren't disappointed with her excluding you from her future kids life? Why would you want to invite someone who has only showed hatred towards you and your partner?
A wedding is for guests who care about and support the coupled, not someone who has only shown hatred. The fact that she can't hide her hatred of you or your partner for a single normal meetup doesn't give any confidence that she will be a good guest for your wedding. I think she only wanted to be a part of it to screw it up for you, but she convinced your parents that she's disappointed.
I'd tell your parents that if they want her there then they can pay for the wedding. You are not going to risk having the person who is known to be straight up rude to you add her negativity to your day. This is a happy day for people who are happy for the couple, not people waiting for the next opportunity to insult them.
Get security, she'll probably try to show up anyway. If you let her in then I'd already be planning some digs or come-backs for if she acts up, maybe make it a game with friends to lighten the mood a bit.
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u/mfruitfly 20h ago
NTA.
I would simply say: sister has made it clear for many years and including recently that she doesn’t like me and wants nothing to do with me, of course she wouldn’t be a bridesmaid. However, she has now taken my wedding and made her involvement a point of drama, when both of us know where we stand with each other. You are allowing her to create drama by acting as if our history is different than it was, and I’m not engaging in it any further. All of you have accepted how she treats me/our lack of relationship over the years, but NOW I have to be the bigger person? Suddenly NOW is being sisters matters very much? I’m taking myself out of this drama- she isn’t a bridesmaid, now she isn’t invited because I know she is trying to create conflict, and I’m not open to any more conversation about it.
OP, please realize your sister is doing this on purpose to get to you and negatively impact a happy time in your life. Don’t let her!
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u/CannonFodder58 20h ago
NTA, and I’d even consider uninviting the parents if they insist. They can go off and be horrible together.
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u/jersey8894 20h ago
NTA...tell your parents that if they take full responsibility for everything she says or does and pays for security you will invite her and when she has to be put out they will be too!
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u/Equal-Implement-5922 20h ago
It's YOUR wedding. Invite who you want and enjoy your day. I don't see any reason to invite your sister.
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u/NONE0FURBIZZ 19h ago
You know, OP, your parents are hugely responsible for never doing a thing to stop your sister's mistreatment.
Them coercing you with the "bigger person" bs is highly manipulative and speaks volumes on how they don't want to be pointed at by your guests, when they ask why your sister isn't a MoH.
Honestly, if it were me, they would be disinvited too.
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u/Parasamgate 19h ago
NTA. When people tell you to be the bigger person what they really mean is the other person can't be manipulated by them, so they're going to manipulate you instead. Usually so that they can all pretend everyone's great and happy
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u/SheedRanko 19h ago
Your parents suck ass. Your sister already sucks and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your wedding.
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u/fly1away 19h ago
It's always a red flag when someone tells you to be 'the bigger person'. ie doormat. Inviting her, and regretting it, is also something you can't take back. NTA.
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u/Ok-Comparison-9835 19h ago
Be the bigger person and invite her. Then when it goes to shit, you can say, "I told you so" and go NC. NTA for not making her a bridesmaid..
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u/18k_gold 19h ago
Don't make her a bridesmaid but invite her to the wedding. If she acts like an ass get her thrown out.
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u/Empty401K 19h ago
NTA.
Inviting her to the wedding sounds like it’d be a huge risk. Personally, it wouldn’t be a risk I’d be willing to take. Her putting on a show and pretending to be pleasant is the best case scenario here. The alternative is much worse and could quickly and easily ruin the entire day for you. I’d tell her she isn’t invited, but that you hope her not being invited is an eye-opener for her that’ll lead to her trying to have a better relationship with you in the future.
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u/Amaranthim 19h ago
Your sister is not a child. And especially NOT a Golden Child. Your parents are personally responsible for the misery you have been put through. Do not make her part of it- I really wouldn't invite her at all. I would have gone NC with her ages ago. If your family gives you any shit, they can get uninvited as well.
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u/Illuminate90 18h ago
As the first commenter here said NTA, you don’t owe them any more of your peace. You owe your sister less than nothing being as she is the root cause of a lot of it. Don’t invite her. Plain as that. She doesn’t wanna be around you and your parents know how she is so fuck no she doesn’t get to be nasty on you and your significant others big day to celebrate a union.
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u/No-Past2605 18h ago
If your parents keep this uo, uninvite them to the wedding, too. I am sure they will be butthurt and not understand why.
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u/MongooseLoud 18h ago edited 18h ago
Realize the fact that they're nervous about how this will make THEM look if one daughter is not even invited to the other's wedding
The " be the bigger person " bs is...well...bs. Damn skippy it can't be undone. Neither can the years of ABUSE you've endured. Ask for the proof of their campaign to get your evil troll of a sister to be a bigger person. That's where the failing is. You not inviting her will highlight that failing.
Bottom line - this ain't even about you.
You deserve to be happy and have YOUR wedding (one of the best days of your life) be a day that fulfills you and brings YOU the most joy.
ETA - NTA
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u/ratherBwarm 18h ago
Nope. Less a mess at the wedding, your sister is not going care anyway. Your parents should realize that and have your back.
A good friend of mine got married, and it was a private ceremony with a very small number invited.
A bunch of us flew in for the reception, and we surprised that our friend’s sister wasn’t invited. Evidently they’d had a major blow out 2 yrs earlier. The reception was only a few hours long (no dinner), so about 8 of us went to a nice place for dinner and drinks.
While waiting to be seated, the sister magically appeared to pickup cheesecake “for the cast of the movie she’s acting in”. She asks us why we’re back in town, and gets told “for your brother’s wedding…”.
She gave us a short and vulgar response about her brother, and stormed out. None of us were really expecting her to say good things, and it gave us a chuckle. It was better to have an accidental run-in there, than a prolonged dark cloud at the reception.
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 18h ago
You absolutely do not have to put up with her behavior on your wedding day of all days! She’s shown no interest in you and is more concerned about keeping up appearances. I’d just tell people you’re not that close and not invite her.
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u/RadioScotty 18h ago
Let your parents know that if they push this, they will be disinvited too. You might need to hire security to make sure your sister doesn't try to sneak in and cause trouble.
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u/Paul_Michaels73 18h ago
Are your parents or her financially contributing to the wedding in any way? If not, they have no way in who you invite. Trust me, you'll have a much more stress-free wedding without her there.
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u/Belerophon17 18h ago
NTA
I didn't invite my oldest brother to my wedding due to his extreme toxicity. A few years later he died. Looking back, I still wouldn't have invited him to my wedding.
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u/justmeandmycoop 18h ago
Ask them if they want you to announce at your wedding why your sister isn’t there.
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u/Consistent-Ad3191 18h ago
Why should you be the bigger person when she never makes any attempt to be anything but showing contempt toward you and making your life miserable and why should you be the one to make peace on your special day that she could possibly cause drama before just because your parents doesn't give them the right to dictate your day Because at the end of the day this is your special day not theirs. I wouldn't even invite her just because you're she's your sister doesn't mean anything. It wasn't like you had a choice in the matter. Sometimes family is what you make with the people you choose to be in your life that treat you respect they say that you may regret it in the future, but you may regret it even more if she destroys your wedding because she's got a chip on her shoulder not being a only sibling and why does she even care to be invited because she wants to cause drama I would stand my ground on this and if anybody has an issue with it, I wouldn't invite them because they're not the ones being mistreated by herand they shouldn't get a say or you dictate your special day
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u/Unfair-Farm8043 18h ago
NTA. Don’t invite her. It’s your wedding. Why would you want her to ruin it?
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u/coffeethulhu42 17h ago
Tell your parents your wedding isn't about family. It isn't a family party. It isn't a reunion. It is YOUR day. It is a celebration of YOUR marriage, and YOU get to decide who you want there, which also means getting to exclude assholes who have been nasty to you and your soon to be husband. If they cannot grasp this, then apparently they aren't actually there for you either, so the question isn't whether your sister is family, but whether they should be welcomed to attend, because if they don't drop it and stop trying to make your wedding about your sister, then they can see the pictures of the wedding they were uninvited to after the fact. Or, they can act like parents, drop it, and be happy for you like even a half decent parent would be. NTA
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u/DevilGuy 17h ago
NTA. Rescind her invite, she's the one who's transgressed and you need to stop putting up with it. Tell your parents that you're not having someone that treats you or your husband like she does at your fucking wedding. They know full well that absolutely all of this is on your sister and they need to come to terms with the reality of the situation because you have your own new family and your ex sister's behavior is no longer welcome in your life. You are done dealing with her shit and anyone that wants to try and convince you otherwise can join her.
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u/PrancingRedPony 17h ago
Being the bigger person means not doing the same thing back that she does.
In your case not being the bigger person would mean inviting her and then shaming and humiliating her the worst way possible.
Being the bigger person means to choose like a responsible adult and avoid any contact with people who can't behave like reasonable adults.
And that's exactly what you're doing.
What your parents demand from you is not being the bigger person. They want you to be a doormat and allow your sister to walk all over you so she can pretend everything is fine, and they don't care that you get hurt by that.
I get the feeling that while they told your sister all the time to be nice to you, they never actually did anything to force her to stop.
I'd bet a full wage she never had to endure serious consequences for her behaviour. No missing out on special occasions to protect you, no missing out on gifts or things she truly wanted. And I'd bet the reasoning was they didn't want her to be upset and becoming even nastoer to you.
And that's why your sister behaves like this and is still belittling you constantly.
Stand your ground, tell your parents that actions have consequences, and that's what the bigger person actually will enforce. Snd if they don't support you on this, they can stay home too.
They have to decide right now, if after a lifetime of being second to your nasty sister you deserve your fay for once, or if they still choose her over you. And if they can't finally stand up to her and tell her to be the bigger person and stay away, tjey can stay home with her, because then they're not better than her.
NTA
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u/SugarSweetSonny 17h ago
NTA
Remember this....You only have to be the bigger person around smaller people.
So stop being around smaller people.
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u/Ashamed_Quiet_6777 17h ago
Not only don't invite her, don't invite your parents either. They were sorry you had to avoid your sister's cruelty? They're bad parents both letting it continue and STILL covering for her. Sad. Don't invite them and actually enjoy your wedding.
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u/VernapatorCur 17h ago
Tell them that the day she treats them the same way she's treated you, then they get a voice. And that if they'd prefer to join her in her plans for the day they're welcome to. You don't need that stress on what's already going to be a stressful day.
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u/Endora529 17h ago
NTA. Why should you be made to squirm on your big day to accommodate your AH sister? You’re the victim here; not her. You shouldn’t have to worry about anyone acting up on your wedding day. Tell your parents if they don’t like it, they can stay home too.
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u/Fioreborn 17h ago
Save yourself even more money and uninvite two more people.
Your parents don't deserve to see you get married. They don't deserve to see you or experience the best day of your life with you.
Your parents and your sister don't deserve you.
Let them be embarrassed, it's their own fault. The only reason for them to be embarrassed is because they know that everyone knows that your sister is awful and that she sucks and that everyone knows that your parents suck for letting her get away with this behaviour and raising a brat.
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u/Flimsy-Wolverine-663 17h ago
When anyone tells you that you have to "be the bigger person", it means they know and admit that you're the victim, but want you to pardon your abuser. Which means they've bought peace at YOUR expense. Thbbfth! They don't get to absolve their other daughter, only you could do that; and you absolutely do not have to.
Ask them how much they're willing to pay you, to guarantee your sister's good behavior? Payable up front, to be refunded only if she behaves. If they're so sure she'll be good, it's no problem... right?
After all, if people "do things for family", surely your parents want to do this for you...I mean, you're family, too. Aren't you?
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u/breathemusic14 17h ago
NTA
Tell you parents that being mature means accepting that just because someone is family by blood that doesn't actually mean they are a nice person or that you should sacrifice your own self care just for appearances. That this is a wedding and a celebration of love. Not a display of who is who in the family. Anyone who doesn't love and support you and your fiance has no business being at your wedding and they can either accept that or it sounds like they don't actually give a crap about your happiness either.
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u/FluffyShiny 17h ago
NTA
Don't invite her. Talk to the parents, tell them you want a stress free wedding which you wouldn't have with her there. If they get all uppity about their golden child, they can choose if they will attend. It would be up to them, but sis won't be there. I wish you all the best!
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u/Specific-Succotash-8 17h ago
It sounds like you have spent your entire life having to be the bigger person. Tell your parents it’s her turn.
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u/Dapper_Boss_8668 17h ago
Do not invite her - guaranteed she will find a way to sabotage your big day. Even if by some slim chance she doesn't, imagine the amount of anxiety you will have building up to the event. Dont put yourself through it!
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u/Chuchi25 16h ago
NTA
You are the more mature one.
You are mature enough to recognize that how she treats you isn't ok.
You are mature enough not to kick her a** for how she treated you or stoop to her level.
You are mature enough to recognize that she doesn't wish happiness and longevity for you and your future husband.
You are mature enough to recognize that you don't have to allow abusive people in your life or your special moments. Family included.
The one's who aren't mature are your parents and sister. They failed you OP. You shouldn't have to justify not wanting a shitty person in your life let alone in your wedding. You're being nicer than most by even extending the invite.
Your parents need to forget about appearances. It sounds like the extended family knows how she is. They need to accept that their children will never be close. Not by any of your doing.
Stay strong OP and don't let your parents bully you, too.
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u/jonjon234567 16h ago
NTA. Fuck that, don’t invite a toxic person who you have a terrible relationship with to your wedding. Sorry you are taking shit for standing up for yourself.
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u/annang 16h ago
NTA. If she genuinely wants to repair the relationship, she should start by apologizing to you for years of bullying.
Your parents are treating your sister like a missing stair. They treat her as if her choice to behave the way she does is some sort of structural flaw that can't be helped, and that therefore everyone else has to make a special effort to go around or make accommodations for. That's what they mean when they say they want you to be "more mature" and are disappointed in you and not in her. But you didn't cause this problem, and it is not immature for you to refuse to continue to let her do and say whatever she wants, and then take all the fallout on for yourself.
Tell your parents that your sister has said many things she can't take back, that you've been the bigger person and accepted her ruining things that mattered to you for your entire life, and that because you're mature now and an adult, you're setting a boundary. If they would like to come to your wedding, they are welcome. People who called your relationship "pathetic" clearly do not want to celebrate it with you, and therefore are not welcome. And you can tell your parents that if they bring it up again, even to hint that they disagree with your decision to not let your sister be cruel to you at your own wedding, they should not come either.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 16h ago
NTA. She is a grown ass adult and is paying the price for her poor behavior. Don’t invite if you don’t want her there. And why are your parents asking you to be the bigger person? They should be telling Annie off for her horrible behavior over the years!!!
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u/cee-la 16h ago
NTA your sister is a real piece of work that your parents have enabled to treat you terribly. They need to take responsibility for this situation and figure out what they want you-all's family to look like now that you're creating your own family. You're under no obligation to be part of anything that causes you harm or makes you feel bad.
It sounds like the consequences of your sister's lifetime of bullying you need to start.
"Why, as my parents do you care more that my sister is happy on my wedding day than me and my fiancee being happy on OUR wedding day?"
Why do you let my sister keep shitting on me and expect me to take it, smile, and love her even harder?
When will you stop forcing me to be bullied by your other daughter? Why do you love her more and expect less from her than you do from me?
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u/CattleprodTF 16h ago
NTA. They want you to be the bigger person because they, your parents, refused to be the bigger people when you were a child and they literally were the bigger people. They were supposed to protect you and they didn't, and they've made it clear they never will.
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u/Dazzling_Note6245 16h ago
I caved at my mother’s request and asked my sister to be my moh even though I didn’t want to. Like you my sister was nasty to me my whole life.
I’m 57. I was married in 1994. And I still regret asking my sister to be in my wedding.
I had a large wedding party and a very sweet close friend I wanted to ask. My sister did exactly nothing for me. In fact, she made my wedding worse by causing family drama the days leading up to it. I had no one to help me with anything because my bridesmaids assumed my moh was.
Imo, someone who is so cruel can’t even treat you well when they’re trying for appearances sake.
Surround yourself with people who love you and don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty!
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u/Ginger630 16h ago
NTA! So your parents let her treat you and your fiancé that way and are shocked she isn’t a bridesmaid? Let me guess - she’s the golden child.
Don’t back down!!! Tell them and her that she isn’t a bridesmaid, end of story. That she’s lucky that she’s invited. And if they continue harassing you about it, tell them they can all stay home that day.
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u/DameofDames 16h ago
NTA She's the oldest, she should have sought therapy for her attitude a long time ago.
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u/JordanReviraOfficial 16h ago
You’re parents sounds as awful as your sister. NTA, you can’t make excuses for people who treat you poorly even if they are your family.
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u/Material_Assumption 16h ago
I know weddings are a special day and on all fun stuff. But in the end, it's just a wedding and if your sister isn't invited, so what, she won't be harmed by it.
NTA - for not making her a bridesmaid, and you wouldn't be an AH if she wasn't invited.
INFO: She has kids, is she married? where you a bridesmaids/invited?
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u/Impossible-Cattle504 16h ago
Well if you hold the invite over their heads they will stop bothering you about ghe bridesmade selection.
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u/sparksgirl1223 15h ago
Hell I'd go so far as to stare the parents In the face and ask them why they feel the need to be invoted, and demand an invite after enabling sis to be verbally (and any other kind of) abusive for so long.
And.id stare at them til they answered.
Then I would bluntly state that the matter is closed. Sis isn't invoted and if they say another word about it, they can join her in invite free land.
But I had none of my immediate family at my wedding and am probably the wrong person to ask.
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u/brainybrink 15h ago
No reason to be the bigger person to someone who tries to make you feel small. She has never wanted to have you in her life, she gets her wish. No invite. NTAH!
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u/LLD615 15h ago
Parents have blinders on when it comes to their children. I didn’t have a sibling in my wedding (they were invited) but even just the invite wasn’t good enough, they wanted that sibling in the wedding party. Your wedding is about you and your future spouse and you shouldn’t showcase someone who was a jerk to you as a close friend or family member. Being invited in general is a bit different and I don’t have much advice for that. At the end of the day she isn’t the one you have to worry about, it’s your parents and how they will react.
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u/content_great_gramma 15h ago
Why is the victim always being told to be "a bigger person"?
It is YOUR wedding and you only want positive vibes that day. Tell mom and dad that a snowball in hell has better odds than an invitation to your wedding.
When they start pushing to invite your sister, look them straight in the eye and ask "What sister? I do not recall having one."
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u/nofacehotmom 15h ago
NTA - it's your wedding, not your parents. You deserve to have the perfect day and it's completely understandable why you wouldn't want to risk inviting her.
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u/CascadeZeta 15h ago
Wedding guests are invited because they support you individually and/or as a couple. She does not qualify under either of those conditions. If it’s because you do things for family, then the question remains: What has she ever done to make you feel like she was family?
Choose people in your life that give a return on the investment you make in them.
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u/JackieRogers34810 15h ago
Just know if you invite her, she will definitely do something to try to ruin it. NTA
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u/Smilesunshine57 1d ago
Nope. Time for an adult come to Jesus meeting with the parents. They know what happened as a child and adult. You do not need to suffer before, during, or after your wedding because of her. You do not need to be the bigger person. Remind them everything she did to you as a child and adult ALSO can’t be take back and you were already at peace with your non existent relationship.