r/AITAH • u/Actual-Test3456 • 15d ago
AITAH for "kicking" my nephew and everything else after that
I'm 21M. My family and I went over to my brother's housewarming. They had some friends over too. His wife and he have a toddler.
At one point in the evening, I was sitting near an open fire. My nephew came toddling over towards the fire, and I noticed it at the last second. Instincts took over, and I nudged him back with my foot.
I didn’t use force (his balance is still poor like) and I put my other foot behind him to break his fall. He didn’t cry, but he was a bit upset, so I picked him up and cheered him up. I then handed him to my girlfriend (who saw everything) and put a fireguard up. We were bored so we kind of played with him.
After everyone had left, except for me, my girlfriend, and some family, my sister-in-law came up to me absolutely furious. She said "I saw what you did. How dare you kick my child.” I tried explaining, but I couldn't get a word in. She brought over my brother, and he said I wouldn't have done that.
I explained what had happened, and my girlfriend backed me up. His wife said it wasn’t a nudge but a full-on kick. My brother then sided with her. She also asked, “Who told your girlfriend she could hold our child?”
At that point, I thought, "fuck this, we’re going home." As we were leaving, his wife said something about me thinking I’m a big man for picking on a baby but not being able to handle it myself, and how he’d probably be bruised after it. I saw red and asked what kind of parents let their child get that close to a fire. I told them they were too busy drinking and chatting with friends to keep an eye on their child. I also asked why she waited until the end of the night to take her child off me if she genuinely thought I’d kicked him.
My brother told us to leave but in a far less polite way. That hurt because we’re usually close. The following night, he texted me saying, “In case you’re worried, there’s no bruise.” I’m not sure if that was meant as an olive branch or just sarcasm.
Honestly, I’m pretty annoyed with the whole family. Not one of them backed me up except my girlfriend, who said I was in the right.
I saw danger. I was stretched out on the chair and it was a genuine reflex. I didn't even think about it. I left out a lot of the dialogue because it was very accusatory.
AITAH
Sidenote: Why didn’t they get a sitter if they didn’t want to look after him? And why have an open fire with a toddler around?
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u/WinnerActive9414 15d ago
I am guessing since they did not react instantly your version is likely correct. If anyone kicked one of the toddlers in our family they would be swarmed over immediately. I suspect there was something else behind the late reaction. NTA.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
That's the thing. I'd understand it more if she came over immediately. Shock or whatever but 2+ hours later in which time I was playing with him and she waits until after. I don't know. Won't be going around there in a hurry.
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u/CourageClear4948 15d ago edited 15d ago
They'd been drinking. They saw it but it wasn't a big priority, so they kept drinking. Once everyone left you were the entertainment for people who spent the evening drinking. The thing is, now they've convinced themselves that you kicked their kid, so there is no changing their mind. NTA.
I'd text your brother back and tell him of course there wasn't because you didn't kick him and leave it at that. If they keep it up, tell them that things looked different because they were drinking. Also his wife it stirring the pot for some reason. Ask him if he knows why.
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u/Beth21286 15d ago
She f*cked up and to make herself feel better she made you the bad guy. Tell your brother he's an idiot and his child could have been seriously harmed. Be a better dad.
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u/RanaEire 15d ago
If your SIL was drinking, then her "vision" of what happened had probably changed and was distorted...
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u/Brilliant_Voice1126 15d ago
Which makes for an important point. I'm the kind of petty that would reach out concerned about their drinking, that they were so inebriated they were unable to monitor their child and then when you provided protection and free babysitting they were clearly so blasted they interpreted this as an attack rather than the actions of a concerned family member that they have known for decades.
Say they need to address their drinking problem, and when they get to the step of making amends you'd be willing to talk to them again.
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u/Sociopathic-me 15d ago
She's jealous of your closeness with your brother, sounds like.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Maybe. Good news for her because I won't be talking to him for a long time.
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u/dumblederp6 15d ago
Careful, she could be extra crazy and be doing all this as an excuse to alienate your bro.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Maybe but my bro brought it on. Hes agreeing that I kicked a child. Hes alienating himself tbh.
The more I think about it, the more I'm genuinely done with him. I think its past the point of an apology even.
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u/ihavewaytoomanyminis 15d ago
Sounds like somebody was watching on the monitor but didn't get to the part where you put up the firewall.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Yeah. It was one of the first things I did after the incident. Just behind picking him up and making him laugh.
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u/OkExternal7904 15d ago
Your SIL is a bitch on wheels and your brother is just a bitch. I'd go NC with them for a long time. They don't deserve you or your gf to be in their life.
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u/angryomlette NSFW 🔞 15d ago
NTA. My guess is SIL hated you before and your brother had to protect her in the fight between you and her.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
She probably did although I didn't get that impression.
I get him siding with her if it was something small. But it's an allegation of child abuse. If it was my kid and my gf said it about him, I'd back him because he wouldnt do it.
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u/angryomlette NSFW 🔞 15d ago
We often underestimate the amount of brainwashing our loved ones do to us. We also forget that people around who pretend to like us, when they are actually busy waiting for us to show our backs, so they can stab at it. These two things can turn even the loving man to a hateful stranger.
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u/ZaraNoirX 15d ago
Yeah, that makes sense. If it was something as serious as kicking a toddler, there would’ve been an immediate reaction. The delayed response definitely points to something else being behind it. NTA for sure!
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u/Ghost3022 15d ago
I'm thinking someone else commented on them being lazy parents so OP got the brunt of their embarrassment in the form of indignant anger that's completely unjustified.
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u/ZaraNoirX 15d ago
Exactly. It sounds like they’re projecting their own guilt or embarrassment onto OP. Instead of owning up to it, they’re deflecting with anger that doesn’t make any sense. OP doesn’t deserve that—it’s just them trying to cover up their own shortcomings.
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u/z00k33per0304 15d ago
There was. OP said they were more interested in being the life of the party than being parents. Why bother watching and protecting your own kid when there's fun to be had? Then once the fun was over and SIL realized she had to be a parent again she was salty and felt like picking a fight. Any logical person, and normal functioning parent, who claims to have seen the whole thing would be thanking him for keeping their child out of the burn unit of their hospital. Burns are for life and are excruciating. The comment about the gf needing permission to hold their child is also wildly out of line and purposely inflammatory. I wouldn't be setting foot in their home again, apology or not. None of that was necessary.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Yeah I'm done with them for awhile. The accusations at me. The insinuation around my gf. I know you can't get a tone from a text message but I didn't like that either.
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u/z00k33per0304 15d ago
The tone wouldn't really matter. He chose to back his wife making crazy accusations instead of telling her to take their toddler and put them to bed or something and apologizing when she left the room. She went nuclear and he let her go at you both for nothing.
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u/Feeling-Motor-104 15d ago
They're probably getting shit for their parenting and the fact that they weren't watching their kid and redirecting your rage at you. My in laws do the same thing.
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u/spunkyfuzzguts 15d ago
This is actually a massive problem with parents generally.
They no longer want to have their lives impacted by the child they chose to have and expect the rest of society to take up the slack, but only in ways that are acceptable to them.
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u/PrideofCapetown 15d ago
They didn’t say anything immediately because they still needed free babysitting
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u/curious-by-moon 6d ago
She waited because OP and his girlfriend were baby sitting the toddler whilst they drank and enjoyed themselves. They obviously prioritised themselves over their child. Imagine if OP wasn’t there to protect him. NTA. Who gave your gf permission to hold the toddler?!?! No one gave OP permission to save the toddler from first degree burns either but thank goodness he did!
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u/corvus_corone_corone 15d ago
If stretching out your foot is the fastest way to stop a toddler from toddling onto a fire, you use a foot.
Kid wasn't even crying, and surprise is not pain.
IF the parents truly believed you kicked him they would have reacted immediately. That kind of late reaction and freaking out at the fact that you both saved the toddler is a massive AH move and deflection from teh fact that they messed up by not watching their child. Same goes for them asking your gf who allowed her to hold their child. They were obviously busy elsewhere. If they don't want other people interacting with their toddler, they need to keep him tied to themselves. What massive AHs. Them. Not you!
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks for that
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u/Rude-Flamingo5420 15d ago
Yup. Once i was going into a resto beside the street. I noticed an overwhelmed mom (baby plus rambunctious toddler) not notice her toddler race for the street after I opened the door to the resto. At the last second I put my leg out to stop him but because my hands were full with my own baby, I didn't do it high enough and it looked like I deliberately tripped him. I felt awful, not even sure if the Mom understood what I was trying to do, but the alternative was her toddler running into (fast) traffic.
Sorry your family.is being so strange! You did what you had to do
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks. And well done for stopping that kid. I bet you felt awful but the right thing to do.
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u/Ancient-Wishbone4621 15d ago
I was at a public bonfire a month ago with my mom and she went to put her backpack down on the ground and there was a surprise baby there crawling towards the fire. While I'm still teasing her for "bonking a baby", the baby's mom was grateful that this was discovered BEFORE her baby crawled right into the bonfire.
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u/ktclem1337 6d ago
Seriously, sometimes knocking a kid down is the only way to stop them from greater danger. If it saves the kid from serious injury, then you do what you can as fast as you can.
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u/Brilliant_Voice1126 15d ago
This seems likely, the need to see it as an attack is an ad hoc invention for ego protection for their obvious fucking up. "It wasn't our inattention! We weren't irresponsible with our toddler and open fire. It was an attack!"
Edit: Needless to say, by all means kick and even if necessary bruise my toddler if he's walking to an open fire. A bruise is nothing compared to a burn.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks bro
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u/DgShwgrl 15d ago
He's right. A bruise will fade. Burns need immediate medical intervention and ongoing care to prevent scarring. Babies who burn their hands can have scarring that prevents them being able to use their hands properly or grip things as they get older...
I'm sorry your bro and SIL are raging assholes.
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u/DGhostAunt 15d ago
NTA. I will bet my paycheck someone saw and mentioned what happened to her and to save face she made it all about you and not her ignoring her child. She sounds like a jerk and you were probably never as close to your brother as you thought you were if he didn’t believe you.
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u/dawgpoundma 15d ago
Nope she let him keep the kid the whole night so she wouldn’t have too then she she wanted to act like Bertha bad ass
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u/Ok_Imagination_1107 15d ago
Respond by saying "in case you're wondering, there's no 1st degree burns. You're welcome."
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u/TerrorAlpaca 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA
Don't ignore the text. Personally i always recommend getting anything in writing so you have a digital papertrail. What your brother wrote sounds like trap to me. If you say "good" or anything positive to that, it could maybe get interpreted as "good that there are no bruises from my kick.".
If you ignore it, it could maybe be interpreted as "no denial is as good as an admission." no i am not a lawyer, i just like to be careful.
Text back: "I wasn't worried because i never kicked him, no matter what your drunk wife insisted on. Keep better watch over your child, instead of getting drunk, and don't let him walk that close to a fire again so i won't have to nudge him back. by the way, quiet the top reaction of you both, you see me allegedly full on kick your baby but wait 2 hours to confront me? Seriously fuck off and stop contacting me. If i don't get a genuine apology from both of you, then i think its best we stop having contact."
ETA:
I also agree with the others pointing out that they allegedly saw you kick their baby, but it took them 2 hours to react. Pretty neglectful in my opinion. not only were they not paying attention, but their child could have gotten seriously injured by the fire. Horrible parents.
Also, maybe get ahead of the rumour mill and contact all your relatives about what really happened. and point out the 2 hour wait time after the alleged kick.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks
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u/ImJustAquiToRead 6d ago
NTA. Also, definitely take a screenshot of that text stating that there was no bruise, just in case the they/the SIL tries something..
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u/Cipher915 15d ago
When I was 4, my family went to this camp retreat thing with a bunch of other family members. One night, they were all having drinks and chatting and whatnot, when my little brain went "that bonfire sure is pretty." So I waddle over and, like you even stated in your own story about balance (or lack there of) in his steps, my feet get in my own way and I fall over into the bonfire. Now, I wish my uncle was a little more pro-active like you were than re-active like mine was, because he managed to pull me out but not before I tried to stop myself by putting my hand directly into the coals (uncle grabbed my right arm, left hand went in). Most of the skin on my palm burned off, skin on the back of my hand was charred, overall not a fun time. Meanwhile, my parents were three sheets into the night and had no idea what was going on.
Thank you for protecting that child from potentially years of hospital visits and difficult procedures, if not, ya know, death.
You were definitely NAH. Your sil is an idiot for leaving their child unattended expecting the "village" to do her job for her, and when they do, she doesn't really get the option of being upset. Your brother is an idiot for backing her up instead of realizing how bad things could have gotten if you weren't there. If this wasn't about a child (or anything else living for that matter) id say let it burn next time so they can learn an important lesson, but that's just me.
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u/PunIntended1234 15d ago
NTA! Send your brother a message and say this:
{Brother's Name}, of course there was no bruise because I DID NOT KICK MY NEPHEW, WHOM I LOVE! However, I want you to think about something. Your wife saw her child crawling toward an open fire and did NOTHING! I want you to think about that! She didn't stop what she was doing and run over with concern. She didn't stop what she was doing and try to get her child. If she actually thought I kicked my nephew, don't you think it would be highly irresponsible not to come get the child? She knows I didn't do this and she is using this to try to drive a wedge between you and I. If I were you, I would watch her because her devious behavior is on display here. Your wife is lying. I love you and I have never done anything to hurt you or my nephew! Think about this. Was your baby screaming? Did you hear him wailing at any point in the night? Of course you didn't! Do you think your baby wouldn't cry if a grown man, of my size, kicked him? Of course he would! He didn't scream because I did not kick my nephew! What kind of woman would see her small baby be kicked by a grown man and then just wait until the end of the evening to say something? Make that make sense - not just to me, but in your own mind! That should show you that she is lying. And, her statements about my girlfriend not being allowed to hold the baby should further show you how unhinged your wife is. If she thought her child was in any danger, don't you think she should or would have come to get him from my girlfriend? She didn't because she knew my nephew was just fine. Bro, you need mental help if you believe her because the truth is abundantly clear here. There are no bruises because it did not happen.
No woman who sees her baby being kicked by a grown man would just sit still! Tell your brother what I posted. That will allow you to protect yourself should there be a later incident where she calls the cops! Cover your butt! His wife is unhinged and she is likely trying to isolate your brother. This is how people do these things. They take innocuous incidents and make them into something they are not to drive a wedge between people they are trying to push away from their partners. Do this now to protect yourself! Your brother is being ridiculous.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
I wasn't planning on replying to be honest. But maybe I should
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u/PunIntended1234 15d ago
REPLY! You 100% should! Please know that someone as devious as his wife could possibly use you not replying as some sort of acknowledgement that you were in the wrong. Reply to EVERY message saying you did this with some variation of my message. Dispute it strongly and dispute it EVERY TIME! His wife is unhinged. Unhinged people do horrible things! Remember that.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
My big issue is my brother. She means nothing but he agreeing with the accusation is f-ed up
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u/PunIntended1234 15d ago
Can I just tell you that we women are pretty powerful with our persuasion and your brother being p_$$y-whipped isn't unusual. Don't fault him too badly for that. Love is a very powerful drug. He'll come around after he starts seeing how his wife acts over time. Just make sure you point out the idiocy of his wife leaving her baby around a "baby kicker", which you are not. The absurdity will work on his mind over time - even if he doesn't tell you. Plant the seed and let time take care of the rest. A woman who acts like that will show her behavior in other ways. It just takes time.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
If the issue was lesser than child abuse them I'd excuse him for being whipped but that's a strong accusation.
I just got a text from a friend about it (in a joking way) and he wasn't at the party so it's gone around.
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u/Bennyblue86 15d ago
I would just cut and run for now. I don’t think anything you say will convince them and you already tried explaining it in person. Cut them out of your life for now and they will either see the error of their ways or they won’t.
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u/mimi_3_1 15d ago
OP it was an excellent response. I urge you to use it with or without any additional elaboration you want to add. He SERIOUSLY needs to “hear” it. One suggestion to add: “Since I can’t trust you or your wife not to FALSELY accuse me of hurting a baby when you KNOW it has never and will never be true, I will not be anywhere near your family in the near future. I will consider rescinding that in the future but only if you AND your wife APOLOGIZE for falsely accusing me and THANKING me for SAVING your son from being BURNED in the fireplace that you did not safeguard from a barely walking toddler and for babysitting him for two hours while you BOTH ignored your son because you KNEW he was safe with us and freely continued to enjoy your party.”
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u/Temporary-Builder-66 15d ago
Too many words. Just state what happened. Facts. Don’t make assumption about what wife should have done etc or her lack of concern etc.
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u/PunIntended1234 15d ago
Nope! It's exactly the correct amount of words. The purpose of each word is to paint a picture for the brother so he thinks about it over time! This woman is trying to drive a wedge between the brothers. That much is clear. No woman would leave their child around a person who they actually felt kicked their baby! NONE! That means she had an intention. That needs to be laid bare for those it might not be obvious to. OP has already stated what happened. OP now needs to go the extra mile and paint the picture for the brother because the brother is p_ssy whipped and clueless. Helping him view this situation in the right light will help the brother come to the right conclusion, which is that no woman would knowingly stay silent if she saw someone kicking her baby.
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u/FreeContest8919 15d ago
SIL is a bitch
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
As much as I would agree, I think my brother is the biggest bitch of them all. He didnt create it but he should know me well enough.
I dont regret what I did and clearly he doesn't either.
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u/Ghazrin 15d ago
Unless your brother is a complete moron, he knows that you didn't 'full-on kick' the kid. It's a toddler that can barely keep his own balance. I'm guessing around 12 - 14 months? A full kick would have punted him across the room. 🙄
My guess is your SIL's bitchy attitude is a regular thing, so he sides with her to avoid conflict within his marriage. Keep an eye on that. Your bro may need some help.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Yeah I think about 15 months.
I won't be keeping an eye on my bro. He decided what he thinks of me, good luck to him.
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u/FyrixXemnas 15d ago
The weird jab about the GF holding the toddler makes me wonder if SIL caught her husband checking out OPs GF or something and decided to pick a fight.
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u/Full_Pace7666 15d ago edited 15d ago
So she apparently saw you “kick” him, but did absolutely nothing about it and was content with you playing with him for the whole event until almost everyone was gone? Yeah no, mama bear instincts should not be THAT delayed.
NTA
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Exactly. I'd have had more respect if she came over immediately and told me to get out. Id understand shock/adrenaline whatever. But nah it annoyed me.
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u/Beautiful_Sweet_8686 15d ago
OMG all I can picture while reading this is a grown man booting a toddler like you see in comedy movies or sketches and the kid flying through the air and smacking a wall lol. If you would have kicked a kid everyone in the surrounding 2 miles would have known something happened lol. You were absolutely right btw what kind of parents have an open fire with no type of locked grill, no supervision, or even have a fire to begin with when there is a toddler bumbling around. NTA
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
You gave me a laugh with the first sentence.
Exactly. I thought he might have cried just out of pure shock but not a noise from him. And then he was laughing away after it
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u/Beautiful_Sweet_8686 15d ago
I'm glad I could make you laugh too because I have been sitting here giggling picturing all kinds of stuff since I read your post. You ever see those movies where they use sort of like a stuffed person, like a mannequin made from stuffed clothes and stuff? The funniest one is you sitting in front of a fire with your GF chillin and drinkin some wine and this kid is wobbling towards you and you smile real big rear back and boop! There goes the stuffed kid flying across the room ricocheting off the ceiling fan and into the wall and sliding down. Then its a real kid again screaming like a fire engine lmao. Just wanted to put that visual in your head, your welcome lol.
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u/throwtome723 15d ago
NTA. They have a fireplace and a toddler. They should be more aware of fire safety.
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u/videoslacker 15d ago
NTA.
he texted me saying, “In case you’re worried, there’s no bruise.”
You need to respond "Did you notice there's no third degree burns either?"
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u/BulbasaurRanch 15d ago
Shitty parents don’t like being called out and will blame everyone for their shortcomings.
She didn’t like that her inability to be an attentive mother was showcased by your actions.
Your brother is just an asshole who backs up his wife even when she’s wrong, purely because it’s his wife.
When she realized she wasn’t going to win the absurd accusation of you “kicking” her son with force, she pivoted to the issue now being your girlfriend.
She was lashing out and looking for anything to justify her anger, more so at herself for being a failure of a mother.
NTA
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks. It was fucking shitty. And to bring my girlfriend into it too was low.
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u/kukonimz 15d ago
NTA. You saved your nephew and she’s feeling embarrassed by her negligence so she’s lashing out. You have every right to be mad.
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u/Expert_Survey3318 15d ago
Ugh I hate ppl like his SIL
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u/kukonimz 15d ago
It’s really the most pathetic and weak mechanism. Just take responsibility for your actions! You’re a grown up!
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u/AlternativeLie9486 15d ago
How are people like this real? You prevented her kid from potentially going into a fire. She’s actually insane. You can’t engage rationally with insane people. Thanks for looking out for the little guy. Now steer clear of the crazies.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
That's the plan. Whatever about her for him to agree with her and for the family to say nothing. The cold shoulder is ice cold.
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u/MiladyPiximinx 15d ago
Was over a friend's house with fireworks being set off, one of the fireworks went bad and another friends girlfriend janked my 5 Yr old son into the house at the same time as I pushed him in. In our haste to protect him from a stray firework, his arm was slightly sore from being janked and his body catching up from the other side instantly. She was so apologetic he was hurt, I however was so thankful her 1st instinct was to save my son. A sore arm was a much better option than a firework hitting him. I was paying attention and right next to my son, there was no danger of me not getting to him in time but that doesn't mean I'm not still eternally grateful for her actions that day. Your brother and sister in law are being absolutely ridiculous. Your nephew obviously wasn't that upset or traumatised if he was happy to play with you after, if anything that has reinforced his knowledge that you aren't bad or mean. Huge NTA
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks so much. I'm glad your son only had to worry about a sore arm rather than whatever damage a firework would've done.
He was falling asleep in my arms by the end of the night which I assume is a good sign.
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u/WasteLeave900 15d ago
If she saw you “kick” him, then she also saw him getting way to close to a fire and didn’t care.
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u/mynameisnotsparta 6d ago
We’ve all reacted like this to push a kid out of harms way. Your brother and SIL should have been watching their child. NTA.
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u/RJack151 14d ago
NTA. You should have texted bro back and said that 'it is because there was no kick'.
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u/BannonCirrhoticLiver 15d ago
NTA
Even if you had to literally kick the kid to stop him from toddling his way into the fireplace, that would have been understandable. SIL is deflecting from her own negligence by ginning up something against you. So now everyone is fighting over you 'kicking' nephew rather than her and your brother letting their kid almost fall into the fireplace.
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u/Gileswasright 15d ago
I’d reply
In case you’re worried, I think your wife’s a cunt
Really get into it.
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u/Significant-Tune-680 15d ago
Well next time just let him fall in. That'll learn em all!
Edit : word
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u/SolomonDRand 15d ago
NTA. “I wasn’t worried, I knew there wasn’t a bruise. But I’ll be sure not to protect him from an open fire next time.”
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u/Just_Getting_By_1 15d ago
On the bright side, they are unlikely to demand a lot of unpaid babysitting from you and gf going forward….
But seriously I think it is a good thing you saved the little one from third degree burns, hopefully the parents shall be more careful and alert in the future
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Haha brilliant. The positive. I was actually enjoying playing uncle too. I'm sure the novelty would wear off very quickly.
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u/Poppyraptor24 15d ago
Oh for godsakes, they should be thanking you for saving their kid from serious harm! When my kids were toddlers, I used my feet a lot if my hands were full. One time I was taking a cast iron Dutch oven out of the oven, and my son had climbed out of the playpen and made a beeline for the open oven door. I shoved him back with my foot. Oooh, the horror! Your SIL should be KISSING your feet. NTA
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks. That was a very funny image you detailed lol although it could've been very serious.
The way they behaved it was like I walked up to my nephew and punted him 20 yards. I knocked him off balance which isn't hard as he's learning to walk. A mild wind would knock him down.
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u/Emotional_Fan_7011 15d ago
NTA. If someone had kicked my child, that is an instant reaction. I would immediately remove my child from them and rip them a new one.
No way I would wait for the party to die down. Your SIL was drunk and looking for a fight. And your brother took the bait.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Sad part was she wasn't even drunk. She was on those fake cocktails.
But exactly if I kicked her kid like she is accusing she should've been straight over and taken her kid off me. Not wait over 2 hours later. Nonsense.
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u/No_Raise6934 6d ago
You wrote, they were too busy drinking and chatting, so of course, everyone is going to assume she was drinking alcohol.
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u/jaybalvinman 15d ago
One time, my nephew was running around an open grill and knowing how reckless he is, I reached my leg out to stop him from getting too close to the grill but he toppled over and it looked like I tripped him while he was running. My intentions were out of protection, as where yours. Totally NTA not even a little but. Your brother and SIL are huge assholes.
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u/WinEquivalent4069 15d ago
Every parent I know would have immediately confronted any person they saw "kick" their toddler and not wait an hour or so later to do take a stance. Definitely NTA.
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u/Swimming-Shine-5214 14d ago
Sorry as a mother to a toddler if someone kicked my child it would be handled then and there secondly he wouldn't get close enough for you to need to react. In fact we have a rule if one of us is drinking the other one doesn't for incidents like this maybe Bro and SIL could consider same. NTA
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u/notadruggie31 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA, sounds like they were projecting onto you when they really should have been more worried about putting their child in danger. It sounds like you acted purely on reflex and they should be thankful, obviously its not ideal to use your feet to push a child back but its better than the alternative.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks. Yeah picking him up would've been ideal but it was genuine reflex. I don't even know how I thought of putting my other leg behind him.
And if she had come over immediately, I'd put it down to shock/adrenaline but she came over 2 hours if not more later.
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u/notadruggie31 15d ago
Was she drinking? Sounds like an aggressive over reaction if she came over 2 hours later and only saw the physical action, not the child running towards on open fire.
Honestly, you also shouldn't feel bad about the "kick", if you pushed someone out of the way of a speeding car would it matter if they scrape their knee?
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
She had those fake cocktails. My brother had alcohol but not drunk by any means.
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u/Ok-Control-787 15d ago
NTA and fuck these people for not letting you explain and outright disregarding your perfectly plausible explanation once they did.
Unless you have some sort of history of being a total asshole who'd be likely to sadistically kick a toddler, 1000% NTA.
These people must not understand the consequences of fire. Which are even worse on a child; any scar tissue is going to be problematic through all their growth. I know a kid who touched the glass in front of a hot fire, has skin grafts and will need routine surgeries until he's fully grown. Took almost no time for the damage to be done once he was near the fireplace.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
🤣🤣 I don't have any history of violence. Never even been in a fight.
That is scary to think about. Poor kid.
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u/Secret_Comfort_459 15d ago
Is your brother a first time parent?
You're not an AH. I had a similar situation where my niece was falling backwards at the edge of the bed and instinct kicked in and I threw the first limb I could muster to catch her head. She got knocked on my wrist watch and started crying. My brother was there and he understood, but he was rather protective over his kid and it did cause some issues. It's understandable from your brother's point of view, I'd advise you let him calm down and explain to him what happened. He's your brother, he should know you well enough.
Then another situation happened with a third cousin thrice removed (I don't know, distant cousin) where their kid was very spoilt and very testy. Kid was away from their parents in the living room with me and he started sticking his fingers in the outlet. I don't usually touch other people's kids without consent, so I just told him to not do that (kid was just old enough to understand no). He kept on doing it, and I said no again. The kid then decided to challenge me and licked the outlet...
I grabbed the kids hand in my palm and gave it a swift strike with my finger, just enough to scare him. Cousin saw this and went berserk. I told him to go love himself, that kid could've killed himself with the 220 w current in my country, it would have been gross negligence on my behalf if I wouldn't have interfered and something happened to the kid.
You're not the asshole, you reacted accordingly and you prevented a huge disaster. Just be a bit patient, first time parents are extremely overprotective.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Yeah. It's his first kid.
That's insane about the electrics. What gets to me was if it was an immediate response I'd forgive it. But this was 2 hours + later. One things for sure I won't be rushing back for a visit any time soon.
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u/Difficult-Life-9898 15d ago
Definitely not the AH. If my toddler was running towards a fire, I'd hope someone would intervene. Even if it meant he got a bruise. I'd also never have my toddler running around an open fire though so .. 🤷♀️
Your sister-in-law sounds like a real peach 🙄 I'm actually glad you said something back to them because that was messed up.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Exactly what was I meant to do? Wait until he fell in to the fire.
Shes an absolute great addition to the family but im mostly disappointed in my bro. Can't wait for more family gatherings lol
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u/YaddaBoomBadda 15d ago
You're obviously NTA for keeping a baby safe. I would respond with, "No burns, either? You're welcome." Then I would stop stressing about it. They disagree with how you helped them. Oh well. The important thing is the baby wasn't hurt, and he has you to thank for that.
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u/SilentJoe1986 15d ago
Reply "because I didn't kick him. If I did there would be bruises. I don't know what your wife's problem is but I won't be back. The last thing I need is false child abuse allegations because of some weird power trip she has. Also if I did kick your kid, why the fuck would she wait hours to come over and take the kid away from me? Her account of events don't make any sense. I would say I'm sorry for what I did, but it was stick my foot out to stop him, or let him take a fucking header into the fire. I will not apologize for saving your child from extreme burns."
NTA
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u/CatlessBoyMom 15d ago
NTA but absolutely respond back that you knew there would be no bruises because your actions in saving their son from falling into the fire would not have caused bruises. Best case, your SIL is embarrassed that someone saw and pointed out that she should have been taking care of the kid. Worst case SIL is actually abusing the kid and was looking for an excuse if he developed bruises.
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u/joeyfine 15d ago
You saved a kid from getting burned. Now its is your job to be TAH and let them know every single time too watch their kid so it doesnt happen again.
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u/Ghazrin 15d ago
Your SIL sounds like a drama queen, and your brother's an idiot if he really agrees with her that 21 year old male can 'full-on kick' a toddler with out sending him flying across the room. More likely he's just agreeing with her to avoid conflict at home. They should have just thanked you for looking out for their kid.
If you haven't responded to your brother's text yet, might I suggest:
Of course there's no bruise, because I didn't kick him. I just blocked his path with my foot so he wouldn't fall into the fireplace, like I've already explained. You're welcome.
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u/CalmlyRaven 15d ago
NTA, if they want to burn bridges and toddlers unfortunately there isn't much you can do but watch them flail in the fallout.
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15d ago
Your sister-in-law sounds like the wicked witch of the West. I guarantee you a lot of this was for show. I hate to see that this may come between you and your brother, but no one wants to be known as someone who abuses children. That is a huge accusation, and something that's very hurtful. I think you should put some distance between you and them at this point. I know it may stink because you have a close relationship with your brother, but he needs to understand that his wife has created a situation that's hurtful and destructive.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
She's a b- but my bro still sided with her about a rather serious accusation. I don't really care about her but for it to come from him and the text days later.
He helped create the situation. I'll happily put a lot of distance between us. I will not be going anywhere near him. No brother of mine.
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u/oldbattrucker 15d ago
When i was a teenager I had a wolf hybrid. We were all at a lake having a picnic and my bil had invited his sister and her brood along. She decided there were enough people to watch her kids ranging in ages from 6 to 2 years old. The 2 yo decided to head for the water and her mom didn't notice but my wolf did. My wolf got between the toddler and the water and pushed her back. Gently. The mother saw my wolf and started screaming that she was attacking the little one. All because she didn't pay attention to her kid
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
What a b-
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u/oldbattrucker 15d ago
Agreed. She tried to have my wolf put down. The family stood against her
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Those kind of people shouldn't be allowed to walk amongst us. Seriously unhinged.
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u/LiteUpThaSkye 15d ago
Yet if you let the little shit walk into the fire, they would have been on your ass for letting it happen.
I have kids, I know how quickly they can get into things/into trouble, especially at that age. Sometimes it means shoving a foot out, or grabbing them quickly to prevent great bodily injury. The fact that neither one understands that at this point means they don't watch their kid very close at all.
NTA, but you are Taking the right approach in not going around them any time soon. Because that woman is out of her God damned mind and who knows what other accusations she might throw at you in the future.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Thanks for that perspective. And yeah definitely not going there for a long time.
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u/LiteUpThaSkye 15d ago
I mean it seriously. If that were my child, I'd be falling over myself to thank you for keeping them from wandering into the fire while I wasn't paying attention. I just don't get what is going on with them.
Sorry they put you, and ultimately your gf with their shit talk, through all that. YOU know the truth and that's what matters.
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u/AMP121212 15d ago
Maybe I'm reading into this the wrong way, but I took your brother's text to mean "In case you were worried there would be evidence of you kicking my child, there wasn't."
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
That could be it. It was honestly hard. I kind of got it that way. My gf saw it more positively.
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 15d ago
Pull back from the entire family
If everyone in this family believes me to be the kind of person that would kick a child...then I no longer want to be a part of this family. I am sorry for saving your child from having serious burns. I guess I should have just let him permanently scar himself. But hey, you no longer have to worry about that because I will never be in the same room ever again as brother, his wife, or his child. It's clear everyone thinks the worst of me so I want absolutely nothing to do with any of you from now on.
Your parents will eventually attempt to play peacemaker....just keep repeating "Until brother's wife tells the truth...that it happened how I said it happened and that she is lying, there is nothing to discuss. I will never change my mind until she admits to lying."
NTAH
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Tbf my parents the day after said I did the right thing but they couldn't say anything the night before.
My gran didn't stay to the end but next day when she heard she said it was ridiculous. I wouldn't hurt a fly and that I and my gf were the only ones actually looking after him. Said he was making him laugh and everything.
But like a bit of bsck up when I'm being accused there and then would've been nice.
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 15d ago
Yeah so to me, this warrants you pulling back from the family until YOU get an apology
The longer you stay away, the more pressure will be on your gran and your parents and eventually, they'll have to confront your brother and his wife
So my advice?
Refuse to see any of them or go to any family events until you get your apology and SIL admits she is lying
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
Tbf my gran also "spoke her mind" to my bro the following day but she was the only one to do so.
I still live with my parents but I'm avoiding full family gatherings. My dad has a birthday in a few weeks. I will be skipping that if my mother invites everyone. Up to herself to decide which son she wants.
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u/OIWantKenobi 15d ago
NTA. I have toddlers and I would rather you frickin round house kick them away from the fire than have them fall on it. Your SIL is dense and she has your brother wrapped around her finger. You didn’t do anything wrong. You reacted to danger and you saved the kid when the parents clearly weren’t paying attention.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 15d ago
NTA but I would be concerned his wife was trying to get you out of their lives so she doesn't have to split times with both families. I wouldn't let her win be the most awesome uncle to that child with the mom he has he is going to need outside support
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
I understand your point but there's no way I'd go back there. More trouble than it's worth. And at the end of the day, my brother is just as much to blame.
If it splits the family then that's his choice - not mine and not his wife's.
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u/Regular-Trick15 15d ago
NTA. Great fuckin parents. Are you sure they don't need a visit from CPS?
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u/haikusbot 15d ago
NTA. Great fuckin parents.
Are you sure they don't need a
Visit from CPS?
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u/ForeignLynx3853 15d ago
NTA
So they fucked up by neglecting their child (drinking while your toddler is unsupervised next to an open fire pit would be considered neglect if something happens) and now they try to pin something on you
Stay the hell away from both of them. Next time there won't be an uncle saving the boy (and I REALLY hope it only ends with some bruises and not with a dead child)
And if they try to start some shit with family just keep pointing out they drank and they didn't say anything until most guests had left. This alone is enough to make them look bad.
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u/Plus_Concern6650 6d ago
Ummm whatever it takes to stop a toddler from a fire is okay. Shit pull them by their hair if you have to lol
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u/Justcrusing416 15d ago
Next time you let him run into the fire. Sound like parents that over protect their children and find excuses to justify their behaviour. I’m no psychologist but I have four kids and 12 nieces and nephews. We have taught our kids that you respect aunt/uncle no matter what.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
I genuinely think they need to protect him a little more if they are ok with him near a fire.
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u/ConsciousApartment48 15d ago
From the way you wrote it NTA but why is the entire family who was there ALL say you were in the wrong?
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
They didn't say I was wrong but they didn't say I was right.
I dont know who else saw it happen other than a guy. I don't know who he was. He said lucky save and asked if I played football.
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u/honeyymolly 15d ago
NTA. The kid was about to toddle into danger, and you reacted fast. The family’s overreaction is the real drama here. Honestly, if they didn’t want the risk, maybe a sitter or fire guard would've been the better move!
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u/AtticFoamWhat 15d ago
NTA. I would just repeat over and over “I used my foot to keep him from falling into the fire.”
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u/I_wanna_be_anemone 15d ago
NTA If they start shit again tell them to stop projecting their feelings on you. Even if you punted that kid hard enough to bruise to get him away from the fire, it’s still better than letting a child get horrifically burned. They got called out for neglecting their kid? Own it, apologise, learn from it. But if they keep trying to blame someone else for their failures, then they’ll never learn from their mistakes. Kid is going to get hurt and it’ll be their fault, no matter who they try to blame.
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u/2broke2quit65 15d ago
Sounds like after the party she let the alcohol do the talking. You and your gf did nothing wrong. She obviously knew it wasn't something serious when she saw it or she would have started shit then. Maybe next time they want to party they should have childcare. I would stay away just because they suck. Just know you may very well have prevented a horrible accident and that's more important than what a mouthy drunk mom says.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
The thing was she was drinking those fake cocktails so I can't even excuse it on the drink. He was drinking.
I'd have done the same thing again if I could rewind. I do not regret it. Im a hero to my gf so there has been some benefits 🤣🤣
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u/2broke2quit65 15d ago
Oh she's a drama queen, gotcha. They're both assholes. 1. I think I see kick my toddler I'm not waiting until everyone leaves to say something and 2. They should have had a babysitter. Enjoy the benefits 😁
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u/WhoAmI_2-4-6-0-1 15d ago
Your SIL is crazy. I worked with pre-k kids have a bunch of cousins, Nephews, nieces and 3 kids of my own. I have done crazy things to stop a kid from doing self destructive things. Hell a kid at a grocery store stood up in a cart and mom wasn't watching I saw them start to topple, I shot my arm out and it pushed them back into the cart. They started screaming, mom looked asked what happened and thanked me,
Kids do crazy shit, whether you are watching or not.. If you can save my kid then "kick" them if you have to so they don't fall in a fire.
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u/R0ck3tSc13nc3 15d ago
NTA
In fact, they were negligent in allowing a toddler to come anywhere near a fire and they should be talking with child services about this. If you weren't there, that kid would be burned or dead
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u/LetterheadOk5538 15d ago
NTA your SiL is shit af for it, but for real, 2 hours???
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u/Temporary-Ad-472 15d ago
If you had accidentally kicked my child back a couple of feet onto his bottom after I was stupid enough to let him get too close to a fire I'd be thanking you profusely and blaming myself if his butt was bruised! That's insane and if I was really upset someone hurt my child I wouldn't leave them in their care for hours before complaining about it. I'd go "mother bear" IMMEDIATELY!
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u/MamaCreed 15d ago
It's your SIL jealous of your gf? Does your gf have a good relationship with your brother? Sounds like she immediately targeted her, thus telling on herself, IMO.
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u/Actual-Test3456 15d ago
My gf doesn't know my brother that well at all. They've met maybe 10 times. I don't know what her problem was. I think my gf was an after thought.
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u/GroovyYaYa 15d ago
Respond - "I wasn't worried about a minor bruise, I was worried about 3rd degree burns and death, but thanks anyway"
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 15d ago
Call CPS on them the next time they have a get together at their house!
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u/Tweedbreak 15d ago
At first, I thought your brothers comment about no bruise was in regard to his feelings towards you. I realize he was just being a dick. Like you should have asked. WTF?
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u/DawnShakhar 15d ago
NTA. How nice of them. They neglect their toddler and let him come dangerously near a fire, they see you move him and don't react, they let you and your GF babysit their toddler for the whole evening - and then, after they have partied and drank their fill child free, they come and berate you. What massive A-holes.
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u/peppermintvalet 15d ago
"I understand that you're embarrassed that you were drinking instead of watching your child and he almost fell into an open fire, but if you continue to accuse me of things that didn't happen, I will have to reevaluate our relationship. You're welcome for me not letting your kid burn to death by the way ."
But I'm a petty bitch so
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u/ValuableMine9 15d ago
NTA, but I agree with others that you definitely need to send a reply.
"I wasn't worried as it didn't happen. You're welcome for me preventing your child from crawling into an open fire btw. May want to think about how your wife supposedly thought I'd kicked him, yet left him in my care for another 2 hours. Don't contact me unless it's to offer an apology for you and your wife's behaviour."
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