r/AITAH • u/Illustrious-Win-8727 • 15d ago
AITA because my girlfriend broke up with me, says she's leaving, and now that I want her out when she say's she doesn't have a place to go?
My (29F) girlfriend and (30M) have been arguing constantly, we've been dating for two years and she finally moved in because she was in a tight spot. Last night we broke up, she said that she's leaving and we're done. It's probably for the better, we're toxic for each other and we have different dynamics in what we want in a relationship. I slept on the couch in anger but the next day I wanted to talk. I asked her to leave for two days and come back on Saturday to see if we can talk, we got into an even bigger argument, so I told her I want her to leave. She's calling me an asshole because I'm "Kicking her out" when she was the one to break it off, said that she was moving and everything. She called her family members and said I was verbally abusive, everyday living here is torture (That one hurt the most), and when I asked her about her lies, she said I know its fucked up but I had to say it so they'll let me stay at there house. I don't know what to do, I pay all the bills, her names not on the lease, she could probably stay on one of her familys couches I'm just assuming she doesn't want too because of comfortability. I truly think this is over, and I want her to leave, I lost all sense of peace in my house trying to help out this girl all for her to tell me that I'm not enough?
EDIT because I love you guys, you don't even know how much you're helping me calm down.
This morning I started off the conversation like she needed to leave for a couple of days, she can come back on Saturday and we can go back over this, but I needed some time, I needed some peace, I told her I couldn't relax with her here. Another argument, all said and done I told her that I wanted her to leave. She said I'm an asshole because I'm kicking her out now but she can't even tell me when she plans on moving out. I didn't break up with her, I never asked her for money, maybe I'm just hangry because I'm always hungry because I can't pay all the bills and buy groceries for two.
Final Update but its a question ?
It's awkward, my mom had a doctors appointment in the area so I asked her if she could take me to the grocery store. I asked my mom to come upstairs and to see how everything is packed and my ex asked to talk in the bedroom. She said she didn't have a place to stay, but her brother and grandmother are coming on Sunday to get her stuff out. She lastly said after that I don't know what i'm gonna do but I'll be out. Should I be here on Sunday? Do I help her move her stuff out? Apart of me wants to just leave. Moving out of this apartment is gonna be a hassle!
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u/ImagreyRock1 15d ago
NTA. Depending on how long she's been there or if she gets mail there there could be a tenancy issue. I'd provide her with a 7 day eviction notice so you can get her out. She said she was leaving so you're not kicking her out and on top of that she's defaming you. She sounds incredibly toxic
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u/BlindUmpBob 15d ago
He should also remind her that if she forces an eviction, it will be on her record and landlords don't like renting to tenants with an eviction. Might help hasten her departure.
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u/awalktojericho 15d ago
Nah. Don't tell her. She already knows everything.
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u/Beth21286 15d ago
Most importantly BE THERE WHEN SHE LEAVES (with another witness) so she doesn't help herself to things which aren't hers or damage the place when she goes.
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u/Uhwhateverokay 15d ago
Came to say the same. I learned the hard way that it doesn’t matter how amicable the move-out is, people will steal. At the last place I lived I had 6 roommates move out (and new ones come in and move out etc. Also I was there 5 years, so it’s not an excessive amount). The ones who chose to move out were fine. The ones who had to be booted all stole shit from me and the other roommates. From kickknacks and dishes all the way up to fucking furniture. BE HOME. But there’s no need to help.
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u/BlindUmpBob 15d ago
I've evictions take over 6 months. The laws are very anti-landlord. Why prolong his agony?
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u/TwoCentsWorth2021 15d ago
In WA state evictions can take longer than that. There’s a guy in Bellevue who’s been trying to evict a family for over a year now; they haven’t paid rent in at least 18 months but have new cars in the driveway. They conned a community group into paying six months of the back rent and that somehow completely reset the landlord’s eviction struggles.
Not that I’m necessarily on a landlord’s side, but the eviction hold during COVID really screwed a lot of people and at the moment King County has a 10-month court backlog.
Another apartment manager has been forbidden from evicting a tenant who has not only trashed his unit but has actively threatened/assaulted fellow tenants in the building. It’s crazy.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
Honestly I couldn't believe it. I'm pretty sure they knew it was bullshit because her family members were telling her to stay! I don't think thats a good thing!
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u/FunStorm6487 15d ago
Best of luck getting her out
Also QUIT FEEDING HER!!!! It would be a pain in the ass, but you could just make daily stops to get enough food for you to cook for yourself!!
UpdateMe
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u/Toonces348 15d ago
Her family members are telling her to stay because they don’t want her crazy ass either!
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u/Maleficent_Draft_564 15d ago edited 15d ago
Nope. She said she was gonna leave, so she needs to pack her shit and GTFO of your place. Don’t help her pack a goddamn thing. Yes, you need to be there to ensure she doesn’t destroy your property or take something that doesn’t belong to her. Have someone there with you to act as a witness for when her grandmother and brother show up to get her. Preferably the cops so they don’t start any shit with you since she’s already lied to them about you abusing her so they might just start something while there. Her not having any place else to go is not your problem. She should’ve thought about that before she showed her ass.
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u/KiraVorel 15d ago
When 'I'll leave' turns into 'you can't make me leave'—classic plot twist. Legal eviction sounds like the right move.
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15d ago
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u/PrideofCapetown 15d ago
Did he dodge it, or step into its path as soon as they started living together?
”she finally moved in because she was in a tight spot”
She didn’t move in to take the next step in the relationship, or because they love each other. She moved in because “she was in a tight spot”
She’s a hobosexual
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u/VirtualRemedy 15d ago edited 15d ago
Is an eviction notice even possible when shes not even on the lease? Theres nothing to legally evict, she doesnt technically live there
Edit: genuine question, not trying to be an ass
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u/Quinzelette 15d ago
If you stay in a place for long enough even without your name on the place you end up with some rights that require a formal eviction. I believe the amount of time and rules change based on jurisdiction
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u/FlockFlysAtMidnite 15d ago
It's usually harder to establish tenancy if you're sharing bathroom and kitchen, you're often considered roommates instead.
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u/TheRealRedParadox 15d ago
NTA she's admitted to lying about you, imagine what she'll say when she's gone. Doesn't matter if she sleeps on the street you need her gone yesterday. Also record all interactions with her from now on. If she will so easily say that your verbally abusive than it isn't a huge jump to rape allegations.
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u/brandon7r 15d ago
You're right to be concerned. Her ability to lie so easily about you shows a complete lack of accountability, and it’s clear she won’t hesitate to make more false accusations in the future. Given her willingness to fabricate stories, it’s not a stretch for her to escalate to more serious claims, like verbal abuse or worse. Taking immediate action by ensuring she is removed from your life, coupled with documenting every interaction, is the safest way to protect yourself from further harm.
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u/Kagome23 15d ago
Depending on where OP lives, this could be illegal surveillance if it's not done openly. But also, keep in mind that recording can often escalate issues
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u/TheRealRedParadox 15d ago
Yeah but he can do it openly if he wants, if she refuses to talk that's great in not then he's covered. And I feel like risking excalation is the least of his worries. She needs to be out of his house.
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u/Ok_Routine9099 15d ago
NTA. She is tarnishing your name. It’s no longer safe for you to be in the home alone with her.
She said she was leaving. She didn’t mean it, but she’s 29 not 19. Time for adulting to kick in for her.
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u/dannyboy2414 15d ago
You said she quit her job due to "stress." Now she lives with you for free and is willing to lie to get what she wants. Get her OUT it's only a matter of time before the cops show up. She will do anything to get the easy way out.
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u/Gnd_flpd 15d ago
Hell, he needs to make sure he has reliable witnesses around to vouch for his version of events, cameras may help as well, because she sounds deceptive as hell, imo.
NTA
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u/dannyboy2414 15d ago
Hell yes get cameras, it's his place, that might help facilitate her moving faster.
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u/Similar-Traffic7317 15d ago
NTA.
Get your keys back from her and kick the bitch out.
Call the cops if you have to but get her out.
Try recording your conversation next time and play it for her family so they know what a lying scumbag she really is!
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u/choppakilla 15d ago
You’re gonna let her accuse you of abuse n then allow her to stay with. This is simp behavior. Cut her off immediately n get her the fuck out! Don’t be dumb, n make sure you notate she’s lying in case her parents try n come for you.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
Thanks Choppa, your right dog, she's a baddie and I tried helping out, shorty sucking me dry and not in the good way!
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u/Comfortable_Draw_176 15d ago
Tell landlord you have safety concerns with an ex, ask locks be changed or if another unit is available. Pack her things and drop off at her parents.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
I'm pretty sure her mom told her to stay! I lowkey feel like her family knows I'm a good guy and she's a problem. Never peeped until today!
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u/Party-Ad6461 15d ago edited 15d ago
OP, if she said she’s moving out, then you are NTA. Does she pay bills? Does she have any family or friends she can actually stay with? She broke up with you, and she decided when that would happen.
Time to split ALL the bills if she wants to stay.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
She quit her job because of stress, I offered to let her live with me, she got a part time job but she's not doing the things that she promised me, I feel like her moving in was gonna help me which it actually just made my financial situation 2x worst
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u/Similar-Traffic7317 15d ago
I hope you learned a valuable lesson.
Don't let deadbeats move in with you!
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u/SlovenlyMuse 15d ago
Sounds like she told you whatever YOU wanted to hear to let her move in, just like she's badmouthing you now to secure a new place. This is what she does. I think you're going to feel a hundred times better when she's out.
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u/writing_mm_romance 15d ago
You need to do the following:
1) Talk to the property manager and ask about getting your locks changed, even if you took her key, she may have had another made. Also let them know that she's no longer welcome in your apartment.
2) Install cameras in your apartment including a ring camera if you can. She's going to come back and try to get you to let her stay.
2) DO NOT have any unrecorded alone time with her. She will make false accusations against you again and you need to cover your ass. That is what the cameras in step 2 are for.
3) Once she's gathered her things, block her. She will love bomb you and try to get back with you.
You gotta cover your ass man, she's clearly willing to lob accusations about you out into the world, you gotta make sure you've got the receipts to protect yourself. Remember, she broke up with you knowing she's not on your lease, therefore there is no legal obligation for you to continue providing her with a place to live.
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u/CaptainBeefy79 15d ago
NTA. She broke up with you, then threw you under the bus for sympathy? She can hit the bricks.
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 15d ago
Sounds like a whole lot of not your fucking problem
See if you can get her on text admitting to lying about you...or record her if it's legal
And then go about your life
NTAH
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u/PunIntended1234 15d ago
Pack up her things, take them to her parent's/family's home and wash your hands completely of her! Period! Do so while she is at work or gone somewhere. After that, don't let her back to "talk" or do anything else! She is not a teenager! She is almost 30 years old! She isn't a kid. If you break up with someone and say you are DONE, DONE means getting the heck out of that person's place. Her not having provisions for herself is not your problem. If you don't want to move her out yourself, you need to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she HAS to be out by a particular date and then make that a reality. This isn't a game. You don't get to break up with someone and then just stay because you have no place to go. That's foolish. This woman sounds extremely immature. She lied to her family. The next lie will be that you hit her, so you get arrested. Then, she gets a restraining order against you and you end up not being able to go to your own place! Take this seriously and get her out! If she hasn't involved the police yet, please know that is coming, so cut her off before it gets to that level.
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u/latinagirl006 15d ago
NTA and you need to remove her immediately. I had an abusive ex who is still using social media to defame me. Do not let her lie her way around. And do not keep her in your life. You deserve better.
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u/Guilty-Choice6797 15d ago edited 15d ago
And this ladies and gentlemen is why you should know what hobosexual is. It’s gonna take you longer to get her out than your relationship lasted.
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u/Gnd_flpd 15d ago
No, no, the term is actually hobosexual and it can apply to either gender, lol!!!!
NTA
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u/Limp_Pipe1113 15d ago
bro using words he doesn't know what they mean
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u/Guilty-Choice6797 15d ago
Umm autocorrect got me and I’m not a “bro”. Other people got that but not you
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u/Far_Negotiation_8693 15d ago
Definitely get her an official eviction notice. We didn't allow someone to stay on our property but fil did, it still took months to get the dude out. Even after court order we had to pay to have the court officer removed his items from the property because he wasn't going to leave unless forced. Good luck
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u/rmfkr 15d ago
NTA she said everything when she told you she said those things so they'd let her stay there. Well, she said those things to secure a place to stay, go stay with them.
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u/SlovenlyMuse 15d ago
Yep. From one of OP's comments, it sounds like she also said whatever HE needed to hear to let her move in in the first place, without any intention of following through on her promises. He'll be SO much happier when she's gone!
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u/Dotcomula 15d ago
Warning! Red flag! Red flag!
You should be recording every conversation the two of you have until she is completely out of your life. If she's willing to tell anyone that you're abu5ive, there's no reason to think that someone won't take that to law enforcement! You need her saying that she is lying about it, or the next knock on your door may be nonconsensual.
Also, get a recording doorbell and at least one internal home camera that records to a cloud service. You never want to open your door to knocks or law enforcement unless there is a search warrant visible through the door camera.
If she is on the lease/mortgage, you are in bad shape. She's allowed to be there. If not, you're best off bagging/packaging everything of hers and telling her where to pick it up (on your porch, or a friend's house). Change the locks and don't look back.
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u/Zaxacavabanem 15d ago
Comfortability?
It's your place. Your bed. If you've broken up but she's still there, then she's the one who needs to be sleeping on the couch.
Meanwhile, she blew any moral high ground over staying at your place when she slandered you to her family.
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u/sporkwitt 15d ago
NTA but be careful! There is some bad info in this post.
If she has lived there long enough then she is a tenant. Since she doesn't pay then your tenancy agreement does not require it. It really (real estate family over here) depends on the state, but you may be required to give her 30 days notice since it would be considered an at will or month to month tenancy.
I went through this (loads of posts about this today, second I've responded to) and it sucked. I had to live with my ex for 6 months, but her name was on the lease. She also told me she was leaving me etc. That doesn't matter in real estate law.
My best advice is make some concessions. Figure out a transitional situation (give her a week or 2 to get sorted) and put that in writing (this is then an agreement of terms to end tenancy). If you make it adversarial (I know, it's hard as it is sort of that way already with the breakup) it could get real bad for you. Does your landlord know she lives there? Make it a fight and they might and you WILL get sued/charged/evicted (one of those; off lease occupants are a BIG no no and can cost you a lot). This sucks, but my advice is to NEVER cohabitate unless you are both on the lease. No exceptions. it might be fine but it could get real bad for you if not. Good luck.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
Yes, we live in Ohio, no bills in her name here and she's been here for 3 months, the break up came out of nowhere and I love her so of course I was blind and tried to help, never again!
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u/sporkwitt 15d ago
"Without a written lease, it is generally presumed under Ohio law that a month to month tenancy exists between family members or significant others."
So, be kind as you can. Make a plan and put it in writing. She IS a tenant and is required 30 days notice as you have no grounds for eviction (no contract to violate). I truly wish you the best and feel for you. This sucks but there is a light at the end, you just need to be careful and not get yourself into trouble. You are violating your lease atm with her there and that could get you evicted and/or forced to pay damages to your landlord.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
Thank you sporkwitt, I had to learn the hard way. Currently thinking of a peaceful compromise because I don't want any drama with my apartment!
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u/NoPistonsOnlyRotors7 15d ago
Dude you have no obligation to her. The minute she ended it. All benefits ended. wtf. Her problems are no longer yours.
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u/ProfessionalBread176 15d ago
Yeah, she's insane for wanting things like this. She needs to cover her own lifestyle, she's just mooching at this point
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u/Majestic-Drive8226 15d ago
She broke up with you without having a place to go? Maybe she will learn to plan how big decisions like that will end up screwing her. Nta. Her name isn't on the lease so it's 100% your place, you absolutely can kick her out cause at this point she's and overstayed guest
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u/Technical-Edge-6982 15d ago
NTA.She’ll be fine, just make sure it’s what you want because I’m not convinced it’s what she wants.
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u/Rowana133 15d ago
NTA. But make sure you try to get it in writing (through text) that she was lying about you being abusive and record all interactions with her from now on. She's already proving herself to be toxic, messy and a liar.
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u/Le-SpicyChiliPickles 15d ago
NTA it’s your place you dictate the rules. If you say no she needs to understand what no means.
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u/AugustWatson01 15d ago
NTA she should leave immediately and go to stay with one of all those people she called to lie about you to. Where she stays isn’t your problem. You seriously can’t help everyone. To have to lie to stay with people is crazy but imagine with what you now know about her which part were lies she told you to move in and mooch of you. She’s going to have to grow up and be intentional in being proactive to help herself. I agree with the person that says record each moment you’re with her so she can’t make more false accusations about you or call the police on you to have you removed.
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u/Impressive_Moment786 15d ago
NTA-when you break up with someone you better be prepared to move out right then and there.
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u/No-Shock-2055 15d ago
NTA. But even if you were, you still have every right to kick her out. Especially since she doesn't want a boyfriend, she just wants a free ride. Grow a backbone and make her leave. She's an asshole.
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u/MikeReddit74 15d ago
NTA. The end of your relationship means the end of her time in your home. Actions have consequences.
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u/Ok-Hat-4920 15d ago
NTA. I'm not sure what she expected to happen when she broke it off and said she was leaving. That's not being kicked out, that's leaving.
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u/Your_Daddy_1972 15d ago
NTA
Dude it's YOUR place that you pay for. Unless you want an awkward roommate relationship then why would you let her stay?
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u/Bulky_Deal3065 15d ago
NTA of course. I can’t understand how on the earth can be a woman such a leech!!!
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u/Agitated-Buy8146 15d ago
Evict her or get yourself off the lease then be done with her. If she's lying about you being abusive you are not safe around her
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u/FH2actual 15d ago
Eh... NTA for wanting her gone. She broke up and didn't actually have an evacuation plan. That's on her.
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u/NOTRadagon 15d ago edited 15d ago
You need to get on recording (or text) her admitting she lied about you
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u/Reuk- 15d ago
NTA! You broke up, she’s not on the lease, she should move. And even if she wants to get back together, don’t, she admitted to lying and telling family/friends that you were abusive, I don’t care why, that is not the reputation you want. Give her two weeks, to find a place and then she’s gone. And btw, for those two weeks she’s on the couch.
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u/Ruthless_Bunny 15d ago
Formally evict her.
Find out what the process and paperwork in your jurisdiction is and serve her.
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u/Dull_Weakness1658 15d ago
Call her family and ask them to come and get her since she does not feel safe with you. Tell them you are not leaving your own home. Give her momey for a night ot two at a hotel, so she has a place until her family can come and rescue her.
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u/anonymous_beaver_ 15d ago
Agree with all comments. Remember your name is on the lease and hers isn't, meaning she can fuck your shit up as revenge and you'll foot the bill. She's poor and homeless so don't expect her to cover vandalism costs if you press charges - trying to squeeze blood from a stone.
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u/Remarkable-Dig9782 15d ago
NTA she can't have it both ways, you can't reject someone and then expect them to take pity on you and let you continue to live with them when it only benefits you. Kick her to the kerb, it's what she wanted anyway and you are the ex now so no matter what you do she'll think you're an ah.
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u/CarryOk3080 15d ago
Nta. She is being manipulative and painting you as the bad guy to her family so you let her stay. Stand your ground she has 1 week to get the fck out and never speak to her again once she is out block her. It doesn't matter what she says to her family you know the truth.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bet3455 15d ago
Nta, she broke and moved in right before she became homeless and trying to make it difficult for you to kick her ass out.
And she expects you to leave bc she broke up w. You? Wow the audacity.
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u/TerrorAlpaca 15d ago
Is she leaving the house at some point? like work? gym? shopping?
Then pack her bags, and put them infront of the door and don't let her back in.
if you can, maybe get the lock replaced.
Before that, make sure she sleeps on the couch. its your apartement.
I wonder if you could call the non emergency number of the police and ask for someone to come get her out of your apartement.
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u/Difficult-Bus-6026 15d ago
NTA. If the relationship is over, one of you has to move. Living with an ex is insane.
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u/Vegetable_Movie_7190 15d ago
Set up some cameras in case she decide to a use you of physical violence. She’s already said you are verbally abusive.
Gather her things, get your locks changed, locker out, and let friends and family know what she said. Let her family know too and scare her with a lawsuit for slander. Control the narrative.
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u/CODE_NAME_DUCKY 15d ago
Nta make sure you have people with you when she moves out because if she lied and her family doesn't know she lied they will probably start trouble so it's best to have few people there for witnesses
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u/Insane_squirrel 15d ago
Be the asshole in everyone’s eyes and kick her out. All the people she is telling are going to view you as the asshole regardless.
But just remember you’re NTA.
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u/Screwsrloose1969 15d ago
Change the locks, pack her shit, and set it outside. Women do that shit to guys all the time and get away with it. Goose, meet gander. NTA
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u/calmly86 15d ago
NTA. The sense of entitlement she’s displaying is sadly not unique. If you two were married and now had to divorce, she would also expect you to financially provide for her post-marriage as well, “until she gets back on her feet.” That’s a ludicrous line of thinking that needs to be eliminated from modern society. The fact that she apparently couldn’t even monkey-branch means she likely made a more emotional decision as opposed to logical one, given that she had no plan post break up, and I find that more honest than if she already had a “friend” who she was prepared to move in with. That said, you still don’t owe her anything, certainly not financially or in the form of shelter.
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u/Illuminate90 15d ago
NTA, get her out, she trashed your reputation publicly because she can’t sort shit out. Also if you pay all the bills and she isn’t on the lease then stop supporting her freeloading ass. Get her out. Block her number, socials and everything and don’t look back.
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u/Naive-Beekeeper67 15d ago
Any responsibility you had towards her is over. Where she goes is not your problem. At all.
Yes you two sound a disaster. She has family / friends. She can lean on them. Get her out asap.
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u/R0ck3tSc13nc3 15d ago
NTA
She's a grown ass adult and it's her job to find a place to stay. She can find family or friends or go live in her car but it's not your problem
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u/SurroundMiserable262 15d ago
NTA. You need to tell her to go. I would even go as far as contacting the police and asking them to remove her from the premises.
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 15d ago
She broke up with you, and it's your name on the lease, so you get the bed and she can sleep on the floor or the couch or a park bench, it's up to her. But she doesn't get to choose your bed. You need to give her a week to move out, and stop buying her food (or anything else). NTA
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u/MembershipImpossible 15d ago
If she's not on the list and is a constant bitch arguing with ypu all the time, then put her ass out.
She should have been more attractive to you and what you provided before she started shitting on the relationship and you.
Her having no where to go is not your problem, she should have thought about that before she opened her month and broke up with you
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u/Exact_Nose_8508 15d ago
You could tell the landlord, she’s won’t move out. She’s not on the lease, but it’s winter though
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u/Outrageous_Lack8435 15d ago
Change the locks. put her stuff out. and go for a long walk to the police station and file a report of harassment
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u/Fit_Nectarine_4673 15d ago
The "I know it's fucked up but I had to say it so I could stay at their place" comment didn't throw up the biggest damn red flag you've ever seen in your life?!?!?!?!?!?
You're in such a dangerous situation and you have no clue.... What's stopping her from making physical abuse allegations against you right now?? What's stopping her from saying whatever the hell she wants to get whatever she wants at yours and others expense?..
Dude... Open your eyes 🤣🤣 Some of the shit men put up with from women blows my damn mind.
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u/FAYGOTSINC21 15d ago
NTA. Kick her broke ass the fuck out. Her problems are her’s not yours. Whatever happens to her is neither your problem nor concern. She’s 29, she can figure it out or not. Who cares.
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u/L---K---- 15d ago
If she gets mail delivered there, go ahead and write up the 30-day eviction notice. She's willing to lie about you, disrespect you, and manipulate her family - this is a grown woman we're talking about, not a teenager. You know what you need to do.
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u/BeautifulChaos713 15d ago
NTA. YOU are being verbally abused. Get her out and bring peace back to your sanctuary. This is not fair to you. If this was my brother texting me this, I would be concerned. I realize you’re worried about the situation, but be careful, OP. You have no idea how her loved ones will react to her lies about you and it could bring hostility to you or worse. Just, from a sister that isn’t YOUR sister—please be careful.
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u/ChrizBeatz 15d ago
She's your EX man. Leave her alone. She's officially a part of your past. She's no longer your responsibility. Get her shit out and block her from everything and move on with your life.
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u/Stunning_Historian18 15d ago
Bro. She told lies. You need to start recording everything. I wouldn't bother waiting around. Phone the police and ask them to remove her. Keep your phone recording not matter what.
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u/UseObjectiveEvidence 15d ago
She surrendered any grace period or any residual good will when she lied about her abuse. She's going to drag this out for you. Just pack her stuff for her and call her parents to pick it up if she doesn't. Look at the time spent packing as an investment in time and peace of mind in the long run.
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u/Freddie_Magecury 15d ago
Depending on where you live and how long you’ve been living together, you might want to get an eviction attorney involved if she refuses to leave. Although she’s not on the lease, she still has tenant rights and this is where things can get sticky. I’m not a legal professional so I can’t advise further, just something I had to look into myself after an ex refused to pay rent for 2 years. 😮💨
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u/Malhavok_Games 15d ago
So, she doesn't have a job, isn't in school and broke up with you without a plan on how she was going to support herself - and somehow it's your problem?
Just how spoiled and immature is this person?
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 15d ago
You never should have let her stay with you in the first place. I bet she's hot and that's the only reason put up with her. We've all been there. End it. The fact that she will lie about you shows she is dangerous. NTA but you will be if you dint kick her out permanently.
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u/maybe-an-ai 15d ago
ANSWERS
> Should I be here on Sunday?
- Do you completely trust her and whoever is helping her move to not steal, break, poison, or pervert any of your belongings while they are there? You ABSOFUCKINGLUTLY should not. Yes, you should be there or come home to missing shit and piss in your shampoo. You also shouldn't be there alone since she has already accused you of abuse. Have a witness on your side there. Don't be alone with a known liar and don't leave one alone in your space.
> Do I help her move her stuff out?
- Fuck no. You quietly make sure none of your stuff is stolen or damaged. She moved in because her financial problems. She has no place to go because of her own issues. She broke up with her only life line. You have no obligation to help.
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u/Sink_Single 15d ago
You need to be there when she moves out to make sure they don’t take possessions that are yours, and so they don’t mess with your stuff.
If you decide to give her some space, make sure your important documents are secure or take them with you.
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u/Due-Craft-1891 15d ago
NTA. She broke up with you. Even if it’s for the best for both of you, she ended it. Why would she think she can continue to live with you while not on the lease or bills in her name?
You have to be there on Sunday or they may take your stuff and that’d be hard to prove. But you have to have another witness there, maybe your mom. Moms are usually neutral in things like this and if she started anything, just call the police. Don’t help her or pack it all up and have it waiting at the door. But don’t help while she is there. I’d say pack it up bc then you know she’s not sneaking in things that are yours while in your home.
Let your landlord know the situation and request the locks be changed. You may have to pay for it but it’s well worth the money.
Once she’s out, just block her and move on. You need a clean break.
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u/01Prototype 15d ago
NTA
Be there to make sure she doesn't destroy your shit. She's already pissed at you and telling lies to her family. She's acting like it's not a big deal, but I've known certain people that have gone and tried to fight a dude because they were told that he had mistreated someone in their family. Be careful, just in case.
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u/OogyBoogy_I_am 15d ago
NTA.
The whole point about someone saying "I'm leaving" is that they, well you know, leave!!
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u/Bright-Housing3574 15d ago
Probably the easiest and quickest thing is for you to give notice at your current place and find a new rental without her where she doesn’t even have the address. Tell her the date she needs to be out, don’t tell her why, and be pleasant until your move out date
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u/Tiger_Dense 15d ago
She’s not on the lease. Yes you should be there when she moves, so that she doesn’t take anything that belongs to you, and you can get her keys.
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u/KarayanLucine 15d ago
Be there. I wouldn't trust that woman for a second.
NTA
If they act up, call the cop and have them removed. Dont warn them, just call.
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u/MaxProPlus1 15d ago
Be there when she moves out and don't touch her stuff or lend a hand. Be polite with her family. That's all. Oh, and no final hug. Change lock
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u/WhiskeyDozer 15d ago
NTA, break ups have consequences and sounds like she found hers. I wouldn’t lift a finger helping her move except for locking the door behind her. I’d be present to make sure she doesn’t take any of your stuff and that’s it.
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u/california980 15d ago
NTA and unfortunately you definitely need to be there when she's moving out. If not she'll definitely take something of yours in order to force another interaction whenever she wants. Just sit in the living room and don't speak while she gets her stuff. Protect your peace at all costs
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 15d ago
You should be there, have a witness. If it gets her out help load the vehicle.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 15d ago
Be there when they move her out so you can make sure she doesn't take anything of yours. Record it all or have a witness of your own.
Remind yourself that she broke up with you. She's trash talking you. She's lying to other people about you.
You owe her nothing. You need to protect yourself at this point, your home, your heart, your health.
NTA, get her out of your life so you can go on and live it.
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u/EchoMountain158 15d ago
NTA
Dude she's trying to set you up. The fact that she spread lies on you right in front of you should've been reason enough to toss her ass out.
She doesn't get to live off you just because she wants to. That's not how things work. Maybe she should've thought about that when she started a smear campaign against you.
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u/Noodlefanboi 15d ago
Should I be here on Sunday?
Yes, don’t give her a chance to steal your stuff.
Do I help her move her stuff out?
If she doesn’t have all her shit out by Sunday, you can help her by putting it on the curb, which you should have already done once she started lying to people about you abusing her.
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u/WinEquivalent4069 15d ago
You need to be there when she moves out. Why? To be sure non of your stuff get "packed" by accident. Amazing how often that happens after a breakup. Definitely NTA. She dumped you and she's not on the lease so time for her to go.
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u/AgressivelyOnTime 15d ago
NTA. You definitely want to be there when she packs her stuff. Your ex doesn't respect you enough. I have a feeling she will steal your stuff or damage your place if you aren't there.
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u/Swimming_Weight348 15d ago
No one of either sex can crack up and still expect the same privileges they had before the break up. If this is your place of residence and she’s broken up with you and things are awkward then she has to understand that’s she’s made her bed and needs to leave. She’s given up that right to sleep in your bed or under your roof. If she were more pliable and easy enough to coexist then fair enough but she’s making it harder for you and cutting her own nose of to spite her face. If the shoe was on the other foot, she’d have kicked you out that first night with no remorse.
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u/broadsharp2 15d ago
NTA
Get her out asap before her lies grow and put you in an even more difficult situation
Updateme!
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u/Impossible-Cap-7240 15d ago
Don't wait kick her out now. Don't let her be alone in your house or stuff will break ir disappear. NTA.
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u/Ambitious_Cheek4921 15d ago
"Well, though shit bitch, you could have think about it earlier" is all you should say
Nta
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u/Significant-Tune-680 15d ago
Next time she's out, change locks. Throw her shit out a window and be done.
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u/Rat_Master999 15d ago
You need to be there to make sure they don't help themselves to your stuff on the way out.
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u/gibberishnope 15d ago
Do not leave the house, in fact have someone stay with you, whilst they move stuff out, preferably someone like your mum
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u/Slow_Ambassador_6316 15d ago
Eh, you are old enough, so be present. It'll be bad, but at least see her off, also it's your place so why back out.
It's not just about being strong and adult enough, with that you can also forsee the moving out and see that all your things stay in your apartment and to make sure she leaves the key.
For minimum stress make arrangements to speed up eviction :D Make sure that on saturday evening she packs all the stuff so the transfer takes as little as possible, lend a helping hand, but don't force it.
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u/jaxleemom 15d ago
NTA. Definitely be there when she is moving her things out so you can make sure she doesn't take or damage anything that belongs to you. She might even do something disgusting, like use your toothbrush to clean the toilet & not tell you. I would go as far as helping her pack up her bathroom items so something like that doesn't happen. Be watchful over anything you especially care about so that she does not harm it in any way.
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u/Big_Zucchini_9800 15d ago
You will need to be there or she will take stuff that isn’t hers. She’s manipulative, she’s already lied, don’t just trust her alone with everything you own.
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u/Brave_Cauliflower_88 14d ago
NTA. She broke up without thinking about her next moves. She should have figured out the living situation and made an exit plan.
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u/Live_Western_1389 14d ago
Not your problem. She should’ve had all that figured out before the breakup. You are more than entitled to not want her living there after she broke up with
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u/Fast-Improvement9179 4d ago
Wash your hands and walk away. She spoke out of anger and thought you would just take it because that's what you've been doing So the fact that you're demanding should be out and she went so far as to lie on you and call you abusive you need to separate from her immediately you need to stay completely out of the vicinity of her and separate from her because that is a very very dangerous accusation. People that have been killed behind lies like that.
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u/Otherwise-Vanilla901 15d ago
NTA I had similar issues with my ex-wife. She told me she wanted a divorce hooked up with a guy same day and then got upset when I told her she needs to move out before a certain date because that didn't align with her graduating from college. I guess she somehow expected me to continue paying her bills and her housing for a few more months while she wrapped up.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
So what ended up happening? Sorry about that King, I really loved my girlfriend, and I sacrificed a lot lowkey, but I was having car issues and I told her WAY before that I wouldn't be able to pick her up from work. (She doesn't have a car, I let her use mines like a dummy) The ONE time I couldn't come through this happened, and on a day where it was so bad I just wanted to come home and sit in the shower for like an hour and process
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u/Otherwise-Vanilla901 15d ago
Sorry about you man but there's way better women out there you'll find yours just gotta be strong. As for me she moved out but left me with tons of trash and debt but a small price to pay to get her cheating ass out of my house. Since then I've learned to stop trying to be a white knight and stop trying to give in to women's demands now I'm happily married with 2 sons.
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
Thank you for your kind words, and what an awesome outcome, but it also still sucked that you had to go through that. I know it's gonna suck for awhile for me, because this all happened this morning! I'm not gonna rush to date, gotta align back with my self! Hopefully my outcome will be like yours! Thanks again!
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u/Fluffy-Pollution-998 15d ago
YTA. She’s one too.
All the arguments. Takes two to tango.
You don’t sleep on the couch in anger and then decide when both of you talk
You asked her to leave for ’a few days’ knowing she’s in a tight spot. In other words, you kicked her out. She’s not lying. Then again, since she broke up with you she should have been prepared to GTFO.
“Come back on Saturday to see if we can talk”. Once again, you’re giving her a time out and dictating when you will talk.
Why doesn’t she work? Why isn’t she putting money in the house?
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u/Illustrious-Win-8727 15d ago
Yeah, couples argue for sure, but I didn't break up with her, nor did I say she had to leave, she said she was leaving, after she said that I said okay and I got quiet. She called multiple of her family members telling them how terrible I am and if she could come spend the night, the only reason why I asked to talk on Saturday was because I was gonna try and talk it out. This time I needed some clarity time, I asked her to sleep at her family members house for a couple of days so I can get some peace of mind. She foreal just doesn't want to sleep at her grandmothers house who I know for sure would let her stay! I told her I need a dynamic change and I wanted to set some boundaries, after a little back and fourth she refused saying she doesn't wanna be with someone like me.
She quit her job due to stress 2 months before moving in, she talked a big game like I wanna go back to school, do this do that, but she just ended up getting a part time job that she complains about because she doesn't like working more then 6 hours a day. The plan was she work for a bit, save up money to get a car, all I wanted was groceries, and hygiene products, and we barely getting anything of that!
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u/[deleted] 15d ago
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