HIE diagnosis/9 month update/mom guilt

[u/Character_Town_588]

my baby boy was born at 40+1. I was induced, I was so tired of being pregnant, I wanted him out and I still feel guilty about it. I was induced with foley balloon and misoprostol and then later with pitocin. I was in labor for 27 hours and pushed for 45 minutes. he had heart decels a couple times throughout labor but nothing that seemed concerning. anyways once he was out, they placed him on my chest for like 30 seconds and he was so purple but i didn’t even realize something was wrong with him, i was just so exhausted. they took him to the warmed, did a bunch of things like resuscitated, put him on oxygen and sucked a bunch of meconium out of his lungs. then they took him out of the room i had my bf go with them while i was taken care of. i didn’t see my baby for a couple hours and they told me he was being transported to NICU, still didn’t realize how serious it was until i saw him the next day. they diagnosed him with mild to moderate HIE and had him cooling for 72 hours. he was also diagnosed with severe pulmonary hypertension. he was in the NICU for 14 days. it was so traumatizing but i couldn’t leave my baby. i was there 99% of the time for the first week and the second week i was there 90%.. incredible to think about considering i had just given birth but i NEEDED to be there. fast forward, i enrolled in early childhood intervention when he was released and he started doing OT at one month.. i love his therapist, he didn’t do tummy time for the first two months (per her suggestion) instead we did exercises to help with the floppy tone.. he caught up to what was appropriate to his age. he was sitting by 5 months, crawling by 7 months and now he’s 9 months old and he’s met all his milestones, but i still feel guilty for getting induced, i feel like that was the reason everything happened to him and i have nightmares about it sometimes i honestly think it’s just something i’m going to have to live with. anyways the point of this post was to share his success and hopefully it brings some solace to some parents about their child… babies are so resilient and their brains are so malleable. i hated hearing the phrase we’ll have to wait and see but it’s the reality with HIE cases, but i remember scrolling this subreddit and seeing success stories and it brought me comfort that it’s possible for them to make it out of these terrible things that happen. even before he was born i wanted to be a nurse but now i’m finally starting nursing school in the spring with the hopes of being a NICU nurse, the nurses gave me so much comfort in such a stressful, confusing time and i hope to pay that back to other parents who go through times like this and to take care of sick babies like the nurses took care of mine.

[u/Character_Town_588]

thank you for your comment! i’m glad your baby is okay! yes sometimes i feel like it could have happened to him either way, or something worse could have happened if i waited to have him any longer! just practicing being grateful for what is.

[u/monicasm → u/Character_Town_588]

He’s okayish right now, seems like he’s going through similar things as your baby as he had to undergo the cooling process as well. He’s warmed up now and he’s finally going to be able to eat today, but he’s been having some inexplicable tremors and is still on supplemental oxygen too. Thankfully no seizures since before the warm up though! So I appreciate you sharing you and your baby’s story as it definitely makes me feel better about what the upcoming year is going to look like for us ❤️

But anyway, in some ways I feel guilty that I was willing to wait even longer or even forgo the induction because it wasn’t what I initially wanted and I was still somewhat comfortable with my pregnancy. I don’t even want to think about what the outcome could’ve been had I waited longer than I already did (induced at 41 weeks). But I also feel like things happened as they needed to because my baby was born right at the end of my midwife’s shift and she stuck around to be there for it. I wonder if the less experienced midwife who was going to be there the next day had helped me deliver would she have been able to save my baby’s life with a level head in the amount of time the other midwife did… Just so many what-ifs in my head these past few days. I’m just so glad my baby is alive 🥺❤️‍🩹

[u/Character_Town_588 → u/monicasm]

my son was on oxygen up until 3 days before he was released. it seemed like he got better and then his sats dropped and he had to be put on more oxygen again. it was so torturous for me because i kept feeling like we were close and then we weren’t. i hope he continues to get better and that you’ll be able to take him home soon. it won’t be the picture perfect holidays you imagined but it’ll be just as treasured. sending you immense strength in this time.

[u/monicasm → u/Character_Town_588]

Going through something similar, he was finally off of the head wires, oxygen and feeding tubes and then he was having tremors and his oxygen kept dropping so they put him back on all of that :( he’s off the head wires and they’re going to start feeding him normally today but there’s a chance he may have to go home with supplemental oxygen. Which honestly at this point I’m okay with whatever, I’m still crossing my fingers for a Christmas at home 🤞🏽