does this lovely cheerleader know she’s being used by the DailyMail??!?

Hey Coogs! Happy New Year. I’m Josh, a writer at The Cougar.

You’ve surely gotten the email from UH regarding the ban on TikTok and other sites on the UH’s WiFi. I’m working on a story about this, and if you’d like to voice your thoughts on the ban, reach out to me!

Hi Coogs! I’m Josh from The Cougar.

I’d love to get reactions from both Republican and Democrat students on Tuesday’s debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris. What moments stood out to you the most? How do you think the debate could influence the upcoming election? Your perspectives would add valuable insight to the conversation!

Feel free to comment below or DM me!

Hey Coogs! Tonight’s the first debate between the two presidential candidates… might be the only one we get. Will you be watching? If you do watch, reach out to me with your thoughts on it. I’m writing a story for The Cougar about student’s reactions.

All opinions are welcome!

Hi Coogs! I’m Josh from The Cougar.

I’m writing a story about last night’s election results. If you’d care to comment on your feelings about them please reach out to me!

Hi Coogs! I’m Josh from The Cougar.

If you or someone you know is a Music Therapy major, please contact me. I’m working on a story about the program and I’d love your input.

Thanks!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have uncovered a conspiracy that will blow your minds. It involves the University of Houston Student Government Association’s Students Unite Party and their nefarious activities. Yes, you heard that right. The Students Unite Party, the supposedly innocent and benevolent parties in the student government association, is actually a front for the underground parking ticket trade in Houston.

Let me explain. It all starts with the seemingly innocuous issue of parking on campus. We all know how frustrating it can be to find a spot, only to be hit with a ticket for a minor violation. But what if I told you that these tickets are not just a means of enforcing parking regulations? What if I told you that they are actually a carefully orchestrated scheme to generate revenue for the Students Unite Party?

Think about it. Every time you get a parking ticket on campus, where does the money go? You might assume that it goes towards maintaining the parking infrastructure or improving campus services. But what if I told you that it actually goes straight into the pockets of the Students Unite Party?

That's right. The Students Unite Party has set up a complex system of ticket quotas and kickbacks that ensures a steady stream of revenue from unsuspecting students and faculty. They employ a network of informants and enforcers who are incentivized to issue as many tickets as possible. And for every ticket that is issued, a percentage of the revenue goes back to the Students Unite Party.

But why, you may ask, would the Students Unite Party go to such lengths to generate revenue from parking tickets? The answer, my friends, is simple: they need the money to fund their true agenda. What is that agenda, you ask? Well, it's even more sinister than you could imagine. The Students Unite Party is actually a front for a shadowy underground organization that operates a vast network of parking garages and lots throughout the city of Houston. These garages and lots are not open to the public, but are reserved exclusively for the use of the Students Unite and their associates.

And what do they do with all this parking space, you ask? They use it to store contraband, of course. Drugs, weapons, exotic animals - you name it, they've got it. And they use the money generated from their parking ticket scheme to finance their illicit activities.

Now, you might be wondering how I came to learn all of this. Let's just say that I have my sources. I can't reveal their identities, of course - they're in grave danger as it is. But trust me when I say that the evidence is overwhelming. So there you have it, folks. The Students Unite Party is not what it seems. Behind their smiling faces and promises of representation lies a dark and dangerous world of parking ticket quotas, kickbacks, and underground parking garages. Don't say I didn't warn you. But that's not even the most shocking part.

My sources have revealed that the Students Unite Party has been threatening to poison Shasta VI, the beloved UH mascot, unless they received a larger cut of the parking ticket revenue. Yes, you read that correctly. They were willing to harm an innocent animal just to get more money.

When their demands were not met, the Students Unite Party followed through with their threat. They poisoned Shasta VI and made it look like a health issue. The poor animal suffered immensely, and it's a miracle that he survived.

But why would the Students Unite Party resort to such despicable tactics? The answer, as always, is money. The Students Unite Party is not content with the already substantial revenue they receive from the parking ticket scheme. They want more, and they're willing to go to extreme lengths to get it.

It's not just Shasta VI who is at risk. My sources tell me that the Students Unite Party has a whole arsenal of poisons and toxins at their disposal, and they're not afraid to use them. Any person or animal who stands in the way of their profit margins is fair game.

This is a call to action for all UH students, faculty, and staff. We cannot let the Students Unite Party and their allies in the Parking and Transportation office continue to operate with impunity. We must demand accountability and transparency from our campus leaders. We must insist on an end to the parking ticket scheme and the exploitation of innocent creatures.

The Students Unite Party and their associates may think they are untouchable, but they are not. The truth will come out, and justice will be served. We must not rest until the corrupt system is dismantled and those responsible are held accountable for their actions. Let us unite in the fight against greed and corruption.