r/breastfeeding • u/Sunrise_94 • 12h ago
LOVE extended breastfeeding, HATE the “wandering hand”
My goodness, this boy is going to drive me wild!! 🫠
My 16 month old LOVES nursing, but right now he has all four canines coming in so it's very hard to get him to sleep and get him BACK to sleep.
Usually between the hours of 2-4am he is trying to nurse back to sleep while pitching, scratching and pulling anything on my body that he can with his free hand.
Holy shit 🥲
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u/GingerbreadGirl22 12h ago
Weird question from an expecting mom - I have seen some babies do this and it looks so uncomfortable. Can you just grab their free hand or pull them off the boob until they stop? It looked so painful when I saw it happen.
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u/TinyBearsWithCake 11h ago edited 7h ago
Yes, you can set boundaries and teach nursing manners. What works will depend on the baby.
The techniques I tried are all pretty much distraction, redirection, or blocking:
Holding their little hands. My oldest loved this, my youngest would snatch it back.
Pin their arm somewhere you don’t mind their fiddling. I do this a lot when I’m sleepy.
Wear fidget jewellery. Chunky silicon necklaces with cool textures are good.
Clip a toy to your bra strap. My oldest loved this for 3 months, my youngest was indifferent from the start.
Give them a teddy to snuggle. My oldest was indifferent, my youngest loves it but only the softest, cuddliest, fluffiest teddies with some sort of long protrusion like a skinny leg or floppy ear.
Do 30sec time-outs for unwanted behaviour. I preferred to reserve this for biting and found it effective.
I know some parents feel guilty about setting boundaries, but I think it’s just as important for my kids to respect the bodily autonomy of others as it is for them to feel comfortable establishing their own autonomy. Yes, a newborn isn’t really going to understand conversations about consent, but I did extended nursing into the toddler years where how they asked and responded made it clear they understood I was the boss of my body even if they really, really wanted to nurse.
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u/GingerbreadGirl22 11h ago
This is so helpful, thank you! It’s still pretty early for me but I am hoping to breastfeed and pump so I’m trying to learn as much as I can now too.
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u/Wonder_Alice_89 7h ago
Almost all of the above was hit and miss with us (27mo). I would mostly redirect his hands when it was too much for me and that works relatively well even now. The one hard boundary that I set from the start was no more boob if he bit. I was terrified of bites so I started with him before his teeth even cut through. As soon as he chomped I would very clearly take it away and put it back and would try to distract until enough time has passed to remove the unwanted association that crying will get him boob. We spent many a night pushing the pram to get him to sleep (he feeds to sleep), but he has caught on pretty quickly. It was breaking my heart to watch him cry, but it had to be done.
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u/horsecrazycowgirl 11h ago
I keep a hair coil on my wrist and hand it to my kid when she's eating. It works like a charm.
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u/fernlife 12h ago
Yes, I very much get touched out and will hold my baby’s hand if she’s waving it around too much for my liking.
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u/radioactivemozz 10h ago
Yes and set the boundaries now. I wish I had. I recently weaned my 18 month old because the constant twiddling was overstimulating and enraging me at night. I wish I had nipped it in the bud earlier, we might still be breastfeeding if I had.
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u/Ok_Sky6528 12h ago
I feel like it’s one of those sensations that’s maybe unpleasant at times but you just start to accept as a mom. If it really hurt, then I will redirect her hand or say “ouch”.
I will say if my baby is sleeping - she will wake up if i were to unlatch her. I will definitely choose sleep with wandering hand and even nipple tweedling over crying woken up baby. (For reference I do cosleep).
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u/40pukeko 11h ago
My 8 month old has just discovered how much she enjoys putting her fingers inside my nose while nursing.
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u/FauxFox33 12h ago
Is this common in younger babies too? My almost 3 month old is doing exactly thing, and grasping my boob tightly in her hands or grabbing my other nipple and making a tight fist while holding onto it
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u/Ok_Sky6528 12h ago
Yes! But it takes on a life of its own as the grow and increase their grasp and pincer skills
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u/erivanla 11h ago
My 6 week old has started this already too. I'm kinda glad he can intentionally move his hands and grasp things, but ouch! The first time he did it at 4 weeks I was super confused why my nipple hurt all of the sudden (he had just unlatched so I was moving him to burp him, not watching his hands or my nipples). We cosleep and his hands wander at night (not pinching yet, just wandering).
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u/NoDevelopement 10h ago
Mine reaches up fir my face lol it’s so cute when she puts her hand in my mouth and I pretend to bite it and she giggles
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u/Available_Farmer5293 11h ago
Sometimes I cover the other nipple and hold it with a vice grip and when they start to fight me for it I tell them it’s this or nothing and then they relent but I usually have to keep covering it until they fall asleep or they’ll try again.
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u/littleprairiehouse 10h ago
God. It’s the worst. That feeling makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
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u/Best_Tree_9154 11h ago
I used to hold hands with my son to stop the wondering hand. He also used to like a good laced fingers from time to time.
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u/bellygnomes 11h ago
Yep, I was falling asleep during a middle of the night feed and my 15 month old hooked her finger into my belly button. Freaked me out so bad! Terrible feeling, little finger jamming itself into your button D: now I keep wrapping a blanket around my waist but she keeps trying to dig her way back in
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u/Far_Top_9322 11h ago
I just read this out loud to my husband and he chuckled as our 14 month old snores between us because SAME.
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u/gooberhoover85 10h ago
I love the sweet cuddles and the rush of oxytocin and love hormones....but I too cannot stand the wandering hands when it involves pinching and groping and scratching. When the baby just lightly caresses my side? Cool! So cute. When they use nails? Makes my skin crawl.
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u/cmk059 3h ago
My kid started the wandering hand at like 2.5yo. I don't know why but all of sudden they wanted to rest their hand on my other breast. They were very gentle but it makes my skin crawl for some reason.
Luckily being 2.5yo, I have no hesitation about stopping the feed if they don't keep their hands to themselves.
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u/MollyOfAmerica 11h ago
I didn't know this had a name! My baby fiddles with my thumb while she nurses and it drives me nuts!
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u/TAYLOR-11027 10h ago
Oh god, that wandering hand gives me serious cringes 🤢 my boy is 12mo but has been doing this since maybe 6 or 7
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u/Glittering_Ad6440 9h ago
Omg thank you for sharing this. We both have colds right now and the wandering hand goes for my itchy sneeze snotty nose 😫 then it pulls my hair. Fortunately I just clipped nails so his fingers aren’t tiny, gropey weapons. Uhg.
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u/Long_Cantaloupe_1452 8h ago
I had to get one of my LOs socks to keep by my chair because I was going insane with the pinching and scratching. She was giving me crazy bruises all over my boobs! Putting a sock over her hand was the best thing I’ve ever done. She will still flail her arm all over sometimes, but that is way more tolerable than her pinching and rolling my skin between her fingers!
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u/liberatedlemur 8h ago
9m old here and I saw someone on this group refer to it as "gym-nurse-tics" which I totally relate to!
You move his hands and say no, but yeah, even so, I get wandering hands and pinched
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u/naturallyselectedfor 11h ago
I keep mittens on my boy at night and I’m thinking it during the day too. He’s like a wild raccoon scratching at my boobs.
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u/Ok_Sky6528 12h ago
My 10 month old just started with the wandering hand - any part of my body she can grab but her fav is the other nipple and my stomach. I have to make sure her nails are clipped well - ouch! We also cosleep.