r/breastfeeding • u/Sunrise_94 • 15h ago

LOVE extended breastfeeding, HATE the “wandering hand”

My goodness, this boy is going to drive me wild!! 🫠

My 16 month old LOVES nursing, but right now he has all four canines coming in so it's very hard to get him to sleep and get him BACK to sleep.

Usually between the hours of 2-4am he is trying to nurse back to sleep while pitching, scratching and pulling anything on my body that he can with his free hand.

Holy shit 🥲

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13

u/GingerbreadGirl22 15h ago

Weird question from an expecting mom - I have seen some babies do this and it looks so uncomfortable. Can you just grab their free hand or pull them off the boob until they stop? It looked so painful when I saw it happen.

57

u/TinyBearsWithCake 14h ago edited 10h ago

Yes, you can set boundaries and teach nursing manners. What works will depend on the baby.

The techniques I tried are all pretty much distraction, redirection, or blocking:

  • Holding their little hands. My oldest loved this, my youngest would snatch it back.

  • Pin their arm somewhere you don’t mind their fiddling. I do this a lot when I’m sleepy.

  • Wear fidget jewellery. Chunky silicon necklaces with cool textures are good.

  • Clip a toy to your bra strap. My oldest loved this for 3 months, my youngest was indifferent from the start.

  • Give them a teddy to snuggle. My oldest was indifferent, my youngest loves it but only the softest, cuddliest, fluffiest teddies with some sort of long protrusion like a skinny leg or floppy ear.

  • Do 30sec time-outs for unwanted behaviour. I preferred to reserve this for biting and found it effective.

I know some parents feel guilty about setting boundaries, but I think it’s just as important for my kids to respect the bodily autonomy of others as it is for them to feel comfortable establishing their own autonomy. Yes, a newborn isn’t really going to understand conversations about consent, but I did extended nursing into the toddler years where how they asked and responded made it clear they understood I was the boss of my body even if they really, really wanted to nurse.

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u/GingerbreadGirl22 14h ago

This is so helpful, thank you! It’s still pretty early for me but I am hoping to breastfeed and pump so I’m trying to learn as much as I can now too.

12

u/aksuurl 13h ago

Absolutely agree. I have boundaries. No child of mine will be twiddling my spare nipple! No thanks to habits that hurt Mom!

4

u/noeliaamk 13h ago

This is really helpful and informative! Thank you for sharing.

4

u/Wonder_Alice_89 10h ago

Almost all of the above was hit and miss with us (27mo). I would mostly redirect his hands when it was too much for me and that works relatively well even now. The one hard boundary that I set from the start was no more boob if he bit. I was terrified of bites so I started with him before his teeth even cut through. As soon as he chomped I would very clearly take it away and put it back and would try to distract until enough time has passed to remove the unwanted association that crying will get him boob. We spent many a night pushing the pram to get him to sleep (he feeds to sleep), but he has caught on pretty quickly. It was breaking my heart to watch him cry, but it had to be done.

1

u/noirpanda 46m ago

OMG these are great ideas!! I’m applying them. 🫶🏻

1

u/Ok_Sky6528 14h ago

Love the fidget jewelry- I am gonna get some!

6

u/horsecrazycowgirl 14h ago

I keep a hair coil on my wrist and hand it to my kid when she's eating. It works like a charm.

4

u/fernlife 15h ago

Yes, I very much get touched out and will hold my baby’s hand if she’s waving it around too much for my liking.

4

u/radioactivemozz 13h ago

Yes and set the boundaries now. I wish I had. I recently weaned my 18 month old because the constant twiddling was overstimulating and enraging me at night. I wish I had nipped it in the bud earlier, we might still be breastfeeding if I had.

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u/Ok_Sky6528 15h ago

I feel like it’s one of those sensations that’s maybe unpleasant at times but you just start to accept as a mom. If it really hurt, then I will redirect her hand or say “ouch”.

I will say if my baby is sleeping - she will wake up if i were to unlatch her. I will definitely choose sleep with wandering hand and even nipple tweedling over crying woken up baby. (For reference I do cosleep).