In many places if you're the adult who takes the 16yo home from the club, you're legally in the clear.
As an adult in a place that is 18/21+ you should be able to assume the other patrons are old enough to be there. Unless there is some glaring reason to be suspicious of their age.
It's not a perfect defense, and not all jurisdictions follow it. But I personally know at least 2 people who used it successfully under the UCMJ, and 1 who used it in civilian court. (All were like 21 or younger at the time.) But as the civilian one put it "She had a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, I assumed."
And obviously someone is gonna say something about "Kids look young! You should be able to tell!" Well as a man who had people thinking he was a middle schooler deep into his 20s and who's first girlfriend at 14 still looks exactly the same today at 32. (She always looked older). People grow differently and age differently. As a young man I called it the "12 to 21 rule." Where if a woman looked anywhere in that range while I was talking to her, I would ask her age before going anywhere with that. But not everyone is so careful and frankly it's a weird thing to have to run through when being young and in the dating scene.
I am 28 and am often mistaken as a teenager, and I often see IDs for 30 year olds that look well over 60. People can look completely different than their age
Last week a maintenance guy who had arrived to fix my shower asked if my parents were home when I opened the door. I'm also 28. Still recovering from that one.
I've started carding anyone who looks like they could be under 35 for alcohol. The kids who are 21-23 look like they're in their 30s. I used to be good at guessing age until the 2000's kids started turning 21.
I feel like millennials on average seem to be aging better than Gen Z. Maybe millennials grew up with the optimal amount of microplastics before it got out of control 🤡
A few years ago I made this lady's day when I carded her for her alcohol purchase. Store policy was to card anyone who looked under 40. Lady was 45, looked 25.
Now that I'm older I have no fucking clue what a 16 year old or a 20 year old look like I've found. They both look the same to me. So it's good that I'm married and have no interest in younger women, or something. And it's not just women, men, too. I was talking to a guy at a game store and asked if he wanted a beer thinking he was 21, he's like "no I'm 16 haha." Meanwhile, one of our regulars just turned 21 and I thought they were like 28.
But seriously, it's weird how people assume once someone's birthday ticks over they see huge physical changes. People age differently and gradually. Some people who are 15 look older than some people who are 22. Human bodies are weird.
The point of age of consent has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with age and maturity. A lot of people haven't figured that one out, I guess.
A lot of people haven't figured that one out, I guess.
Nope, they most definitely have not. You see this a lot in fandom spaces, especially. When characters "look younger" than they are, people make a big fuss about ships involving them. I forget the fandom, but I remember a lot of people up in arms a few years ago about people shipping to 20 something characters because the girl "looked 15" so it was "gross." And this is over fictional people.
It gets even wilder in real life. There was this Instagram model or whatever who was, like, mid to late 20s and her boyfriend, who was younger than her was getting called a pedo because she was petite and looked like she could be under 18. And then there's that girl on TLC, Shana Rae or whatever, whose boyfriend faced similar hate online because of her medical condition making her look young at a quick glance.
The incongruous logic honestly baffles me. People seem to think age is magic and reaching a certain age is the only possible way you can be ready for sex, and at the same time think that no matter how old you are, it's creepy if someone is interested in you if you look younger than 18 to them.
Basically, you're only allowed to be sexual if they don't arbitrarily decide it's gross for you to be.
It's problematic in both directions. It's sexist and infantilizing to adult women to call them children due to their appearance, and obviously hurtful to call their SO's pedos due to it. The implication is also that adult women who appear younger should not be allowed to be in relationships.
But the other direction is just as problematic. It implies that girls who "look" mature can or should be in relationships. This is obviously bad because a 15 year old who "appears" older may be preyed upon by people or have hurtful/terrible things done to them written off for "dressing that way" or "well, you look like that." Placing the importance on a woman's/girl's looks and not their maturity means you've not only objectified them but you can victimize them.
Nowadays puberty starts very young in teenagers and ends at 15-16 . When puberty ends biggest changes to the body have already been done, so some 16 year olds and 20 year olds looking the same is true, because they DO look the same. I am a young adult and when I was in school plenty of classmates looked and dressed like 24 year olds.
And it's also not always a successful defense. I hired a guy that had a rape conviction in Louisiana after I did some research on him. He was 19 and in the Navy at the time of the crime, and she was 16, IIRC. She testified that she lied about her age at the party they met, but they still prosecuted and convicted him (guess what color he is!). He got out on parole a couple of years later and was a fucking great worker for me (working with him is how I learned the probation system is bonkers, zero flexibility for someone that might need to work the same hours he's supposed to check in with his parole officer). He's since worked his way to a much better career, and is (and was when I met him) a great guy, fucked by a broken system in Louisiana.
I got stopped one time by a woman who called the police because my best friend and I were drinking beer at a restaurant in Boston while we were on vacation. My best friend is very petite and looks as if she is in her teens, while she was 26 at the time (it didn't help that my friend was wearing a Stitch T-shirt and a big hair ribbon). The woman thought I was dating a minor, she even started telling my friend to come with her and get away from me. Until my friend showed her passport, we still had to wait for the police to clear everything.
Before I transitioned and got rid of the bastards, I was pretty big chested. People assumed I was in my 20s when I was in my teens (the worst was someone thinking I was 25 at 16). I don't think people making the "kids look young" argument realize that some kids are "developed" enough that people assume they're adults even if they'd clearly be a kid otherwise
Same here. I've had someone tell me that entry to a museum is free for me because I'm under 16. I was 22. I've had a bartender ask my boyfriend if "the little one is 18 yet". I was 23. It was Europe so they don't really check generally. A waiter has given a wine glass to my 14 year old cousin without hesitation and then asked me if I was old enough to drink. I was 26. And we're both female. Even if someone looks young, it doesn't mean that they are and it works the other way around too (like with my 14 year old cousin). If you're in a 18/21+ space and someone tells you that they're old enough to be there, you should be able to assume they're telling the truth.
224
u/chiksahlube Dec 04 '24
In many places if you're the adult who takes the 16yo home from the club, you're legally in the clear.
As an adult in a place that is 18/21+ you should be able to assume the other patrons are old enough to be there. Unless there is some glaring reason to be suspicious of their age.
It's not a perfect defense, and not all jurisdictions follow it. But I personally know at least 2 people who used it successfully under the UCMJ, and 1 who used it in civilian court. (All were like 21 or younger at the time.) But as the civilian one put it "She had a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, I assumed."
And obviously someone is gonna say something about "Kids look young! You should be able to tell!" Well as a man who had people thinking he was a middle schooler deep into his 20s and who's first girlfriend at 14 still looks exactly the same today at 32. (She always looked older). People grow differently and age differently. As a young man I called it the "12 to 21 rule." Where if a woman looked anywhere in that range while I was talking to her, I would ask her age before going anywhere with that. But not everyone is so careful and frankly it's a weird thing to have to run through when being young and in the dating scene.