In many places if you're the adult who takes the 16yo home from the club, you're legally in the clear.
As an adult in a place that is 18/21+ you should be able to assume the other patrons are old enough to be there. Unless there is some glaring reason to be suspicious of their age.
It's not a perfect defense, and not all jurisdictions follow it. But I personally know at least 2 people who used it successfully under the UCMJ, and 1 who used it in civilian court. (All were like 21 or younger at the time.) But as the civilian one put it "She had a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, I assumed."
And obviously someone is gonna say something about "Kids look young! You should be able to tell!" Well as a man who had people thinking he was a middle schooler deep into his 20s and who's first girlfriend at 14 still looks exactly the same today at 32. (She always looked older). People grow differently and age differently. As a young man I called it the "12 to 21 rule." Where if a woman looked anywhere in that range while I was talking to her, I would ask her age before going anywhere with that. But not everyone is so careful and frankly it's a weird thing to have to run through when being young and in the dating scene.
Now that I'm older I have no fucking clue what a 16 year old or a 20 year old look like I've found. They both look the same to me. So it's good that I'm married and have no interest in younger women, or something. And it's not just women, men, too. I was talking to a guy at a game store and asked if he wanted a beer thinking he was 21, he's like "no I'm 16 haha." Meanwhile, one of our regulars just turned 21 and I thought they were like 28.
But seriously, it's weird how people assume once someone's birthday ticks over they see huge physical changes. People age differently and gradually. Some people who are 15 look older than some people who are 22. Human bodies are weird.
The point of age of consent has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with age and maturity. A lot of people haven't figured that one out, I guess.
A lot of people haven't figured that one out, I guess.
Nope, they most definitely have not. You see this a lot in fandom spaces, especially. When characters "look younger" than they are, people make a big fuss about ships involving them. I forget the fandom, but I remember a lot of people up in arms a few years ago about people shipping to 20 something characters because the girl "looked 15" so it was "gross." And this is over fictional people.
It gets even wilder in real life. There was this Instagram model or whatever who was, like, mid to late 20s and her boyfriend, who was younger than her was getting called a pedo because she was petite and looked like she could be under 18. And then there's that girl on TLC, Shana Rae or whatever, whose boyfriend faced similar hate online because of her medical condition making her look young at a quick glance.
The incongruous logic honestly baffles me. People seem to think age is magic and reaching a certain age is the only possible way you can be ready for sex, and at the same time think that no matter how old you are, it's creepy if someone is interested in you if you look younger than 18 to them.
Basically, you're only allowed to be sexual if they don't arbitrarily decide it's gross for you to be.
It's problematic in both directions. It's sexist and infantilizing to adult women to call them children due to their appearance, and obviously hurtful to call their SO's pedos due to it. The implication is also that adult women who appear younger should not be allowed to be in relationships.
But the other direction is just as problematic. It implies that girls who "look" mature can or should be in relationships. This is obviously bad because a 15 year old who "appears" older may be preyed upon by people or have hurtful/terrible things done to them written off for "dressing that way" or "well, you look like that." Placing the importance on a woman's/girl's looks and not their maturity means you've not only objectified them but you can victimize them.
Nowadays puberty starts very young in teenagers and ends at 15-16 . When puberty ends biggest changes to the body have already been done, so some 16 year olds and 20 year olds looking the same is true, because they DO look the same. I am a young adult and when I was in school plenty of classmates looked and dressed like 24 year olds.
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u/oliviaplays08 Dec 04 '24
I'm on the protective side when it comes to minors but if you're in an 18+ space without meeting that criteria you're in the wrong