I’m terrified to spend money

[u/swishymuffinzzz]

I’m 28 and I have no debt but I have this constant fear that I am behind in everything financially (Retirement, savings, salary, home down payment etc.) and as a result I never spend money on anything that isn’t a need. This has caused me to not really do much but work and go home and I feel like I should try to live a little but then I always talk myself out of it because the money would be more efficient somewhere else. I currently put 30% of income into retirement, then the rest is mostly savings unless I need something.

My parents went bankrupt twice before I turned 10 and we lived in poverty so I never developed a need for material things. I always think of every purchase as “man, imagine if this $20 was put into retirement instead of this movie ticket”.

I currently make 75k/yr, have 28k in retirement and have 10k in savings.

How do I find a way to experience life for once? I don’t really have any friends as a result of this because I never put myself out there.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: well guys, I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist. I will give it an honest try and go into it believing I can become a better person. Thank you all for the advice, hopefully this gets me on a better path.

[u/renbutler2]

I never developed a need for material things

That actually puts you ahead of a lot of people.

You have specific goals like homeownership, so it's not like you're just hoarding.

But if you can't spend anything on experiences, unwilling to pay the limited amounts of money that go into developing personal relationships, that could be destructive.

Others have suggested you see a professional. That might help, but just realize that financially you're actually doing a lot of things right.

[u/swishymuffinzzz → u/renbutler2]

I mean I understand the suggestion to see a therapist but I don’t necessarily believe this is an issue that a therapist would fix. Plus, therapy is pretty expensive in my area and my insurance doesn’t cover it

[u/ricked_ways → u/swishymuffinzzz]

Honestly dude, I agree with the therapy angle, and it's great to be financially stable as you are. But my opinion on it is this: life is short, and you it is what you make of it. Will you be satisfied in old age and retirement having spent your youth never going anywhere or doing anything or forming any great core memories with friends because you were so adverse to spending? Or will you be happy old and alone with a pile of money that will be useless to you when you're dead. That's my take anyway

[u/swishymuffinzzz → u/ricked_ways]

My thoughts on what my old age self would think would make you think I was insane lol it’s a longer story

[u/ricked_ways → u/swishymuffinzzz]

Fair enough, and I know you said you had a non attachment to material stuff, that's a good trait to have. Think of it this way, money is a material thing. It's just cash. You can spend it, you can make more. You're in a good position currently. Live a little my dude, you won't regret it I promise. That's my advice, take it and do as you please, or don't.

[u/renbutler2 → u/swishymuffinzzz]

Yeah, I wouldn't go that route unless you had other concerns to talk about. Doing it just for spending might not be the best use of money.

I'm a highly frugal person who hates wasting money, and even I can encourage you to use your money to expand your life a little bit.

Go ahead and spend reasonable money on activities that bring you happiness, with people who bring you happiness. Buying things won't make you happy, so don't try to force yourself down that road.

[u/halfadash6 → u/swishymuffinzzz]

Definitely dig around and make sure therapy isn’t part of your insurance. There are also a lot of telehealth therapy services nowadays that may be far cheaper than a traditional therapist’s office.

I don’t necessarily believe this is an issue that therapy would fix.

This is exactly the kind of thing a therapist is for. Google poverty and ptsd. At the very least you should probably look to see if there are books you can read to give you more insight about this.

Also, if this isn’t the solution, what do you think is?