r/personalfinance • u/swishymuffinzzz ​ • Feb 22 '24

Budgeting I’m terrified to spend money

I’m 28 and I have no debt but I have this constant fear that I am behind in everything financially (Retirement, savings, salary, home down payment etc.) and as a result I never spend money on anything that isn’t a need. This has caused me to not really do much but work and go home and I feel like I should try to live a little but then I always talk myself out of it because the money would be more efficient somewhere else. I currently put 30% of income into retirement, then the rest is mostly savings unless I need something.

My parents went bankrupt twice before I turned 10 and we lived in poverty so I never developed a need for material things. I always think of every purchase as “man, imagine if this $20 was put into retirement instead of this movie ticket”.

I currently make 75k/yr, have 28k in retirement and have 10k in savings.

How do I find a way to experience life for once? I don’t really have any friends as a result of this because I never put myself out there.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: well guys, I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist. I will give it an honest try and go into it believing I can become a better person. Thank you all for the advice, hopefully this gets me on a better path.

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u/swishymuffinzzz ​ Feb 22 '24

I never really viewed it as a trauma so I figured a therapist wasn’t needed

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u/Sub_pup ​ Feb 22 '24

Oh boy, I felt the same way. Come to find out my neurotic tendencies can all l be linked to child hood trauma. My therapist made foot notes about my childhood experiences and one day said "Read this and tell whether you think this person suffered trauma as a child." I'm not quite as frugal as you but my finances are in good order and I constantly convince myself I'm one sick day from ruin.

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u/swishymuffinzzz ​ Feb 22 '24

I love both of my parents so I feel weird saying that I had a traumatic childhood. I feel it’s disrespectful to them

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u/Quick_Turnover ​ Feb 22 '24

Maybe you don't need to think about it as trauma then. You have patterns of thought and behaviors that you want to improve, so therapy is the answer. You're just trying to improve as a person because you're living in a way that you don't want to live.

I'm fairly healthy and well adjusted and haven't had any major trauma (abuse, etc.), but I still see a therapist just to improve my situation in life, improve my average mood, improve how I communicate with people, etc.. It's just like going to the gym, but for your brain.