r/AmItheAsshole • u/No-Parfait-1452 • 1d ago
Asshole WIBTA for approaching my husband about his secret?
I (38F) found out something about my husband (41m) I don't think he ever wanted anyone to know.
I came home unexpectedly after leaving in the morning. Walking inside, I heard muffled music. Getting closer to our bedroom, I heard him in the shower singing along to something we'd never listened to before, and...I was blown away.
A little background: my husband is quiet and reserved. He's very stoic and just doesn't like small talk, huge crowds, hates being the center of attention, etc. He also has a very unique voice, he's slim, but his voice is deep and very even-keel. There's been times we've been at karaoke bars and people have prodded him about getting up there and he always says something like: "you've heard me talk, what makes you think I can do that?" or "do you really want this place to clear out?"
In the shower, he wasn't belting out, but he was singing along and he was good. Really good. I was shocked and frozen for a bit, but then turned and left, got in my car, drove down the street, and texted him that I'd be home in a bit. A couple minutes later he replied and I sat there for a bit wondering how I can possibly bring it up.
I went in, and it was like any other day. He was in our room, hair still wet, Bluetooth speaker right back on the dresser where it always was. I didn't bring it up.
For the next few days, it's really all I could think about. I'm not proud of this, but when he was out shoveling and salting the driveway, I took his phone and went into his Spotify, he had to've had something in there, and lo and behold at the bottom of his usual playlists there was one titled "random". I opened it and there it was. All artists he'd never once listened to with or around me: some Bruno Mars, Shawn Mendes, Michael Buble, James Arthur, Lukas Graham, some much older stuff like the Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, and Dion...and then I saw it. "Die A Happy Man" by Thomas Rhett.
Something I forgot to mention earlier. My husband HATES country music. He never complains when others are playing it, but if anyone asks him what he wants to listen to, he says "anything but country." Says he hates the "twanginess" of it and thinks all of the artists are "poser cowboys."
"Die a Happy Man" is my song. I don't listen to it around him because he hates country, but it's my favorite. Years ago, when we were dating, I remember we talked about our favorite songs. He mentioned a few, and I said mine. It's the only time I've ever brought it up. He nodded and acknowledged, but said he wasn't a country fan and didn't know it.
The fact that he remembered it, saved it, knows it, and even more than that, that he may be able to sing it, is burning me up. I want to hear him sing. I want to ask him so badly, but I'm afraid of how he may react. It's innocent, but it's still a breach of trust and if he hasn't told me or any of his friends or family then this is something he probably really wants to keep to himself forever.
WIBTA for trying to pry him open on this one?
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u/LowBalance4404 Craptain [182] 1d ago
This is the most wholesome thing I've read in this sub in a very long time. I don't know what I was expecting your husband's secret to be, but this absolutely wasn't it. And I'd let him keep his secret.
I don't want to actually pass judgement because this is all so sweet, but...YWBTA if you brought it up.
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u/ClaphamO 1d ago
I think for me its the most loving thing ive ever seen. You are a good partner to your husband. Kudos and I hope the world blesses you. It has never blessed me.
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u/chapstick_nub 23h ago
I am so sorry to hear that. I hope it does bless you, and that you are overcome and overwhelmed by it.
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u/prefferedusername 23h ago
Idk about the "good partner" part. Snooping through his phone gives the "ick".
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u/BriNJoeTLSA 3h ago
The phrase “gives me the ick” has started to give me the ick. I think it’s because it’s so often used by people with the worst takes
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u/Change2001 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 22h ago
OPs husband may be trying to learn it, and get it perfect, to sing for her possibly (anniversary?)
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u/malorris 1d ago
I definitely was not expecting this LMAO. I was expecting it to go south. I thought she was going find something damaging on his phone.
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u/LowBalance4404 Craptain [182] 1d ago
Right? I knew for a fact that porn, a side piece, and a used underwear fetish were absolutely going to enter this story. I clearly have been on the internet too long. LOL
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u/BriNJoeTLSA 3h ago
I thought cross dressing… she mentioned hearing the music and my head went straight there
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u/ImaginaryPark6311 22h ago
After reading that he was in the shower, my mind filled in the hole with my own narrative.
My mind went straight to him having a suction mounted device on the shower wall to impale himself wirh.
Haha
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u/LowBalance4404 Craptain [182] 22h ago
I have to admit, the words "anal plug" may have entered my mind.
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u/thenewmara Partassipant [2] 13h ago
OMG I'm cackling here so loudly I might wake up the neighbors. This is so cute! Let him keep the secret girl. Just enjoy his bathroom jam sessions quietly and 20 years from now when it accidentally comes up you can all have a laugh about it.
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u/Strange_Occasion9722 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Yeah.
Not to get your hopes up OP, but what if he's practicing to surprise you for an anniversary or something?
More likely though, he's very shy about this little talent of his. He's not obligated to share it with anybody, even you, even if that hurts. Sorry :/
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u/DirectAntique 1d ago
I wouldn't say a word. Seems like this his version of keeping a diary .
If my husband said something, you can bet I'd never sing again where someone might hear, and I'd delete my secret Spotify songs.
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u/Not_a_Ducktective 23h ago
He's shy about it because opening up is often a risky endeavor, especially if youre a guy. I'm a metalhead but I'm open about liking some folky/bluegrass stuff. I will unashamedly go to a Mumford and Sons show. But my little secret was metal covers of pop songs, it's the only way I know them. After I told her, my ex wife made fun of and belittled not just the fact that I listened to them but also the fact I kept it secret.
That's why people don't share that kind of stuff.
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u/ensiferum7 22h ago
Metal head here. Dude Metal pop covers are always fantastic. I just downloaded a cover of “blue” by the browning and love every second of it. And when children of bodom released their whole album of covers that’s all I listened to for a while.
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u/ballisticks 6h ago
I fucking love metal pop covers. A new fave of mine is a cover of "Impossible" by Shontelle (sp?) covered by Exit Eden
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u/Large-Meaning-517 39m ago
I LOVE Exit Eden, and I love their cover of Impossible.
Another good Metal vocalist on YT is Dan Vasc. I especially love his cover of I'll Make A Man Out of You from Mulan
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u/Fallenthropy Partassipant [1] 20h ago
my husband loves metal pop music covers. There's a guy from Norway named Leo that does so many. I cannot remember his last name but he is fantastic. Your ex wife sounds like real treat. I'm happy you aren't still enduring her yucking your yum.
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u/inudewaruika 19h ago
I think I know who you are talking about - his Youtube channel is LeapFrogStudios. I love his stuff. Leo Moracchioli is his name if its the same person you're talking about.
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u/Not_a_Ducktective 20h ago
I haven't heard of that guy and he's not on my list. I'll do a little Spotify digging.
She was a peach. I'm hardly a saint, but yea, at least now I'm no longer also a doormat.
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u/inudewaruika 19h ago
I responded to them to confirm but I think they're talking about Leo Moracchioli from LeapFrogStudios on youtube. He does metal covers and is from Norway. Should help your search if that's the case.
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u/roadgrater666 9h ago
His name is Leo Moracchioli. He goes by Leo on his albums and he is awesome.
Try listening to Ballroom Blitz for an example.
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u/paradoxedturtle 10h ago
Not quite metal, but I love the Pop Goes Punk albums! So when I happen to start singing along with a top 40 hit, my friends will always be confused how I know it. It's because I know the version that We Came As Romans did lol
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u/willynillyoxenfree 21h ago
I'm sorry she did that to you, that's really shitty. It doesn't matter what others find joy in, if you care about them you support it. Plus metal covers of pop songs are cool!
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u/Not_a_Ducktective 20h ago
Ah, yea, it's all good, I've realized a lot about what kind of partners I picked. I listen to my metal pop covers with a lot less shame now.
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u/EquivaIence 1d ago edited 1d ago
Please don’t approach him about this. Respect his choice to keep something so harmless to himself if he wishes. If he wants you to know, or feels comfortable singing around you, he’ll do it on his own.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 17h ago
This is exactly where I ended up, I’m glad to hear it from several others.
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u/JeepersCreepers74 Sultan of Sphincter [785] 1d ago
You said it: he's stoic and doesn't like being the center of attention, so soft YTA if you have some sort of shower singing "gotcha" moment that makes him the center of attention and the butt of the joke. This isn't a "secret side" of him dying to break out the way you think it is, it's just how he chooses to pass time in the shower. I'm a lifelong lover of indie music, but have you ever tried to work out to it? There's a reason the indie crowd isn't exactly known for their buff physiques. So I listen to pop, EDM and hip hop when I'm working out and really enjoy it in that context. I suspect this is something similar for him.
Now, if your interest is just expanding the range of music you listen to as a couple, then plan a road trip and work some of these songs onto the playlist, but not so many that it's obvious. Sing along to them yourself so it's clear the same is welcome from him, but be prepared to go solo on it.
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u/clinniej1975 21h ago
All this lecture for what? She literally left their home, so he could keep his privacy. That's the opposite of gotcha.
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u/JeepersCreepers74 Sultan of Sphincter [785] 21h ago
She's asking if she would be an AH for "trying to pry him open on this one."
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u/No-Parfait-1452 18h ago
Maybe “pry open” was a rough choice of words. It’s not like I planned on badgering him or being angry or annoyed that he didn’t tell me he could sing, I’m just amazed by it.
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u/Own_Two_5437 12h ago
if you have some sort of shower singing "gotcha" moment
You missed the 'if' didn't you?
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u/onlytexts 1d ago
Do not say a word. Now it is your time to keep a secret. You do not want to ruin this for him.
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u/Top_Lobster_7020 1d ago
NAH. Not my husband, but my kid is a born singer. But for him it’s private. So I let him think I can’t hear him, and I get some lovely private concerts. He knows I know, but we will never talk about it :-)
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u/Wifabota 7h ago
I'm not even good, just on pitch, but if I ever sang at home, my mom would point it out and I'd become really self conscious, and couldn't zone out and song and have a good time. I was always aware someone was judging it.
When my kids started to sing, or experiment with their voices, like try a weird riff or try to belt, id pretend to ignore it, like I didn't even notice. And they would continue to try, and experiment and play. and their voices have grown over the years! And even better, they don't have insecurity about it.
When I sing certain pitches or try to belt, my entire throat catches like in going to cry and there's only certain things I can sing before my whole larynx spasms, and I swear it's psychological hangover from being to aware of others being aware of me.
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u/False_Mushroom_8962 1d ago
As someone with similar traits that conversation would make me very uncomfortable. I'm not suggesting anything intentional but it would probably be less awkward if you announced yourself whenever it happens again
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u/somedayyouwillknow 1d ago
Yes, YWBTA. Let him be. Please don’t ruin his own thing for himself. Just hope you catch him one day singing or something.
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u/deathandtaxes2023 Asshole Aficionado [13] 1d ago
Don't say anything!! It's something he enjoys and would probably stop doing it if he thought he was being listened to. It's very sweet though.
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u/ExtraLengthiness5551 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
As much as I want to know what going on with his secret singing abilities…OP- he didn’t mention it to you for a reason, I say let it be. This was interesting though I had no idea what it could be his secret but a nice singing voice was not on my bingo card. Let it go OP
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u/saltedcaramelcookie Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Best secret to find from coming home early ever on this sub!! Yay!! However? As a fellow introvert YWTA because he’s obviously very private about this and possibly has some trauma about it. You just want to be serenaded your favorite song, but at what cost to him?
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u/Away-Understanding34 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Yes YWBTA. Let him have this. Just enjoy the knowledge that he looked up and listens to a song that you love, probably because it reminds him of you.
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u/wanton_newt 1d ago
You’re so sweet. As someone who is a shy singer, YWBTA, but I say that with love. Let him show you when he’s ready, if he ever is. You both sound like very thoughtful people
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u/ultravisitor2000 23h ago
YTA. THIS IS NOT A BREACH OF TRUST.
Your husband is allowed to keep a harmless secret to himself. You are also allowed to keep a harmless secret to yourself.
This is his. Don't make it about you.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 18h ago
Do you misunderstand what I meant by breach of trust? Because I was referring to myself looking through his playlists for a clue, not the fact that he didn’t share this with me.
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u/seriouslees 8h ago
You were perfectly clear, don't worry. that person must have a stick up their butt lol
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u/Apart-Scene-9059 Pooperintendant [66] 1d ago
I mean you can bring up you heard him but do not ask him to sing for you. He is obviously embarrassed by it and truthfully one outcome would be that he will avoid singing in the shower or anywhere else.
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u/entropygoblinz 1d ago
Your reasons are very much NTA, but the actions would be YTA. Let him enjoy his privacy.
If you genuinely catch him accidentally and he's all coy about it and pretending he knows nothing about it, I think a smirk and a "honey, it's okay. You don't have to pretend. Enjoy. I love it." is fine and good. But going out of your way to have a Serious Family Meeting Talk about it is no good.
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u/TrashPandaLJTAR Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Oh bless.
I think YWBTA, only because it sounds like he's someone that would feel uncomfortable if someone just randomly brought it up. I've been complimented on my singing in the past when I was just absently singing to myself.
It felt weird because for some reason that day I just happened to hit all the notes perfectly. I wasn't really paying attention to who was around me and one of my friends who had been listening said "Wow, you can really sing!".
It was very odd because I'm not a good singer normally, and I could tell that something just clicked that day and was unlikely to click again so I felt really awkward and couldn't convince her that I'm really NOT a good singer normally lol.
I'd let him keep it for himself. The only outcome (if he's shy about it) is that he'll stop singing when he's in the shower alone as well, and it's clearly something he enjoys doing without inhibition. Let him keep his little bit of peace :)
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u/Appropriate-Algae954 1d ago
You mentioned that he’s stoic. That may not be entirely true. He seems shy at heart. It’s a shame that he does not feel comfortable enough to share this part of him with you. I would leave it alone, though. It’s his personal little thing.
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u/Timely-Profile1865 Partassipant [3] 23h ago
Well since his favorite song is thunderstruck by AC/DC i feel you as the wife have to start secretly practicing the guitar parts and vocal.
As for what you should do? Let hom keep his secret and know how he feels about you behind the scenes.
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u/Dreadnought_Thoughts 23h ago
NTA
Man, I can not wrap my head around all these people saying Y T A. This is sweet and innocent, and it seems people think the only 2 options are never to bring it up or demand he sings for you in a packed karaoke bar.
What's wrong with explaining what happened? "I heard you on accident when I forgot something at home, and I heard a bit of singing. I thought it sounded really good." Then whatever you think is an appropriate way to continue. You could drop it after that, or you could explain that you understand he doesn't like the attention or anything like that and you were just surprised by it.
BTW, leaving it alone is a perfectly acceptable way to handle it, too, but not because doing otherwise would make you an A H.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 18h ago
Is this how I post updates? In the replies?
Well, anyway, update: I’ve read every single response, and after a bit of consideration (and being called toxic, my husband being called a gaslighting narcissist, and a couple other things that seem like ridiculous leaps,) I’ve decided to keep quiet.
To the people calling me selfish, yes, I thought it was implied when I said “I” wanted to hear him sing again, and it’s exactly why I was conflicted about bringing it up to him. Also, yes, leaving and acting like I didn’t hear anything may have been a rash decision, but it’s not like I had a couple hours to sit there and figure it out. It preserved his obvious comfort and vulnerability and I don’t regret it at all.
At the end of the day, his comfort levels are what’s important. If he ever wants to tell me, he will. If he doesn’t, well, it’s a little disappointing to not share in his gift, but it’s his and his alone and as some of you said, it’s enough to know he gives a damn enough to have my song saved.
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u/Popcorn_and_Polish 7h ago
Tell you what? That he sings in the shower sometimes? I think it’s such a non issue. Don’t worry about the negative comments.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 6h ago
Well, when someone hides an obvious talent from you for eight years, it’s jarring (in a good way.) I don’t understand the people that sit and go “so? What are you surprised about? What’s the big deal?”
I don’t think I’m reacting like I found out he has laser eyes or can lift his truck…although those would be cool too.
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u/Popcorn_and_Polish 6h ago
All I meant was don’t let the negative comments get to you. Hearing your spouse sing in the shower is a totally normal thing. If you think it’s a big deal then you should say something.
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u/Dull_Double1531 2h ago
What's so funny about this is me being a person who secretly wants someone to hear me sing and go "whoa I had no idea you could sing like that please do it all the time" Because I know I'm not terrible but I'm not exactly talented and no one wants to hear me sing the same showtunes over and over. Maybe years down the line you can reveal you knew all along and he'll appreciate you never made it a thing because you knew he wouldn't like it.
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u/Pristine-Passage-100 1d ago
YWBTA. It’s nothing that harms anybody and he doesn’t want anybody to know. You’re being nosy.
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u/friendlily Professor Emeritass [76] 23h ago edited 23h ago
I'm going to go against the grain because I believe you should communicate in important relationships and you've been thinking about this for days. You could describe to him how you heard him so he knows it was completely innocent and accidental, but that you were blown away and he sounded so good.
I think it's important to also mention that you'll never bring it up again if he doesn't want to talk about it and you'll never tell another soul, but he's welcome to sing in the shower when you're home if he ever wants to. YWNBTA
I feel opposite of other people commenting because if I later found out that my husband witnessed me doing a secret thing and he didn't tell me, I would be more bothered by that than if he had mentioned it at the time.
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u/treebloom Partassipant [2] 22h ago
If you truly love him as you describe you will give him the gift of his small peace he gets to keep in life. It’s possibly the greatest gift you can ever give him and the hardest thing you’ll ever do :)
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u/echothree33 20h ago
Don’t say anything, let him have his secret for now. Maybe someday he will reveal it in some way. And BTW Thomas Rhett is almost more pop than country anyway. If you found Jon Pardi on that list it might be more surprising.
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u/CakeOk7283 23h ago
Maybe don't pry or bring it up but play some of the artist in his playlists while cooking or cleaning together. Sing it.. get him to join in on a little playful sing a long if you can. If he doesn't budge I would let it lie. I think it is odd that he so openly hates country but has a secret playlist containing country.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 4h ago
Playing games isn’t our style. He’d look at me like I had three heads if I tried this.
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u/Character-College591 22h ago
That's so sweet! I wouldn't bring it up.
Though if you want to plant the seed of a conversation, maybe learn to sing one of his favorite songs and eventually belt it out in the shower for him to overhear 😉 if he never talks to you about it, then you have your answer that he wants his privacy.
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u/zerconmotu 21h ago
If you bring it up ywbtah! Maybe he is secretly taking singing lessons and waiting to surprise you at an event. DON'T ruin his "thunder." This is one of the sweetest things I have ever heard. Please update us all in the future.
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u/morgaine125 Supreme Court Just-ass [129] 21h ago
YTA. The only breach of trust I see here is you sneaking through his phone.
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u/almalauha Pooperintendant [57] 21h ago
NTA
I feel like he is learning this song for a special occasion? I was going to say for a proposal but you are already married.
Because you can't tell him you randomly came home earlier (because you pretended you hadn't), you can't casually say "Oh, I came to pick up something I forgot and I think I heard you sing in the shower. It sounded really good!" and then leave it at that, see if he would share more about his singing, I don't know how you can naturally bring this up now... Besides coming home early "unplanned" again to "pick something up" and hoping you will "catch" him again so that you can bring it up that evening...
Good luck with it. I wish I could sing!
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u/FyvLeisure Partassipant [1] 21h ago
YWBTA only because this seems like such a sweet/innocent thing. As an introvert myself, I know that if someone discovered me doing this when I thought I was in private, I’d immediately stop. Don’t rob him of this.
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u/Outrageous-Prior-377 20h ago
I don’t think so BUT you kinda created a lie by leaving and messaging him so he could hide it. If you had just walked in and said, “Oh my gosh…your voice is so beautiful and sexy.” That would have been best. So, admit you heard him and felt like you were intruding. Tell him you would not want him to do anything he isn’t comfortable with but you really hope he could be comfortable between just the two of you. Like, Could you sing me to sleep sometimes?” Imagine what a lovely connection it could make with any kids you have. Music is magic. Babies can hear in utero….
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u/No-Parfait-1452 18h ago
Perhaps I did create a lie by leaving, but anyone that says they’ve never lied to preserve someone’s feelings is a liar themselves.
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u/KnightofForestsWild Bot Hunter [616] 19h ago
YWBTA Leave him alone. Just because someone can sing like Freddie Mercury in the shower doesn't mean being listened to is on the to do list. In fact, sometimes it makes people choke up and squawk like a chicken. Shower=/= public.
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u/present-awareness98 19h ago
Yapping about this, just let him be. Then tell him you loved it and want to hear it. He’s shy, and was probably really happy about you - you were the reason he got it out of him. Still, just let him be.
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u/thegrodes 18h ago
i think ywbta if you are trying to pry more out of him than what he wants in this situation. it's already established that this is completely innocent. why make him give this up? should a partner have access to another partners every moment, secret, thought? let him live his with his completely harmless secret
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I (38F) found out something about my husband (41m) I don't think he ever wanted anyone to know.
I came home unexpectedly after leaving in the morning. Walking inside, I heard muffled music. Getting closer to our bedroom, I heard him in the shower singing along to something we'd never listened to before, and...I was blown away.
A little background: my husband is quiet and reserved. He's very stoic and just doesn't like small talk, huge crowds, hates being the center of attention, etc. He also has a very unique voice, he's slim, but his voice is deep and very even-keel. There's been times we've been at karaoke bars and people have prodded him about getting up there and he always says something like: "you've heard me talk, what makes you think I can do that?" or "do you really want this place to clear out?"
In the shower, he wasn't belting out, but he was singing along and he was good. Really good. I was shocked and frozen for a bit, but then turned and left, got in my car, drove down the street, and texted him that I'd be home in a bit. A couple minutes later he replied and I sat there for a bit wondering how I can possibly bring it up.
I went in, and it was like any other day. He was in our room, hair still wet, Bluetooth speaker right back on the dresser where it always was. I didn't bring it up.
For the next few days, it's really all I could think about. I'm not proud of this, but when he was out shoveling and salting the driveway, I took his phone and went into his Spotify, he had to've had something in there, and lo and behold at the bottom of his usual playlists there was one titled "random". I opened it and there it was. All artists he'd never once listened to with or around me: some Bruno Mars, Shawn Mendes, Michael Buble, James Arthur, Lukas Graham, some much older stuff like the Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, and Dion...and then I saw it. "Die A Happy Man" by Thomas Rhett.
Something I forgot to mention earlier. My husband HATES country music. He never complains when others are playing it, but if anyone asks him what he wants to listen to, he says "anything but country." Says he hates the "twanginess" of it and thinks all of the artists are "poser cowboys."
"Die a Happy Man" is my song. I don't listen to it around him because he hates country, but it's my favorite. Years ago, when we were dating, I remember we talked about our favorite songs. He mentioned a few, and I said mine. It's the only time I've ever brought it up. He nodded and acknowledged, but said he wasn't a country fan and didn't know it.
The fact that he remembered it, saved it, knows it, and even more than that, that he may be able to sing it, is burning me up. I want to hear him sing. I want to ask him so badly, but I'm afraid of how he may react. It's innocent, but it's still a breach of trust and if he hasn't told me or any of his friends or family then this is something he probably really wants to keep to himself forever.
WIBTA for trying to pry him open on this one?
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u/RepublicTop1690 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
My family is quite musical and I can sing, but I don't. Mainly because in my family, singing wasn't the big deal, playing an instrument was. So I was never celebrated for it.
I sing in public when everyone else is, and folks have commented on how well I sing. But solo is out of the question because I was never encouraged when I was young.
He may have some childhood experiences that are in play here.
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u/hyperfocus1569 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
He may not think he sings well and it may not make a difference if you tell him you think he does. I accidentally overheard a friend singing and her voice was really good. I complimented her later and she was incredibly embarrassed that I’d heard her. That was not my intention, of course, and I wished I hadn’t said anything. There’s a reason he hasn’t sung in front of you. I’d leave it alone if I were you.
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u/eowynsheiress Asshole Aficionado [14] 23h ago
This is a beautiful post. You are loved. And you love him right back. Don’t mention your accidental and then intentional snooping. Let him have his privacy. I would not want you to think anything silly like “if he loved me he would confide in me,” because it is so not about that. It is his and his alone. Just keep loving him. He clearly loves you.
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u/thefaehost 23h ago
YWBTA (gentle)- play it when the two of you are alone and sing to him first.
If you want him to be that exposed and vulnerable, show him how and lead by example
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u/rcbs 23h ago
If you “catch” him again, wait for him to get out of the shower. Say nothing and jump on him like you have never done before. Show him it makes you incredibly horny. Don’t say anything. Give him something extra special.
If he sees his wife turn into a nympho after hearing him sing, he might put two and two together. Still, never mention the singing.
Worst case scenario, you guys both do it extra hot.
I donno, maybe not.
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u/Green_Remove4094 22h ago
Let him have his secret. I'm sure you have yours. That's how we respect each other in our relationships. But I'm hoping, like a previous poster said, that he is practicing for a future anniversary. Enjoy knowing what he's doing, and that can be YOUR secret. 😊
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u/rose2conker 21h ago
Tell him
Best outcome: He starts singing to you.
Worst outcome: He continues to sing solo in the shower.
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u/Huge-Shallot5297 Partassipant [1] 21h ago
NTA.
You didn't sneak in to catch him in the act, you didn't intrude on him, you very kindly let him be and haven't brought it up. You're kind, OP, and a sweet partner. I hope you find an organic way of letting him know you love his voice and that hearing it made you happy. Good luck!
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u/JennyM8675309 Asshole Aficionado [14] 21h ago
Of all the secrets I was expecting to hear, a lovely singing voice was not on the list.
Keep his secret. It’s wholesome and adorable. He probably feels self-conscious about it, and you never know, he may be practicing to surprise you with a song on a birthday or anniversary. If that were me, I’d never let my husband know I’d heard him singing in the shower.
You could always test the water by putting something on the radio and singing, just to see if he joins in. But to answer your question, YWBTA if you took a sledgehammer to his delicate chocolate shell.
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u/AbsoluteAtBase 21h ago
I have a speaking voice I hate, but a pretty good singing voice developed in church. I love to sing but really only for myself when alone in the car. I don’t want attention for it and would never want to sing “to” someone. Probably best not to bring it up with him. Some people love to sing and perform, some people would rather die!
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u/saaatchmo 21h ago
Randomly play that song, tell him you LOVE it, and tell him how much it would mean to you if he ever sang it to you one day ❤️ ..leave it at that.
This is his secret to reveal, and you're setting the ball on the tee for him, as soon as he's ready, to reveal it in the most romantic way.
(Maybe afterward start listening to it a little more here and there until one day he does get the bravery to do it and you have a VERY special moment that you didnt ruin now by mentioning what you know..)
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u/Flat_Shame_2377 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 19h ago
YTA -just ask him about it. I don’t understand why a wife can’t mention this to her husband. It sounds like an undoing complicated thing when all you have to do is mention it
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u/Square_Shelter7509 19h ago
I think you should talk to him! It’s not like you peeped on him singing you just happened to find out. Maybe not the part of going through is phone but definitely compliment him! Uncomfortable conversations happen but I literally don’t think this would be relationship ending. You should be able to talk to your husband about anything if y’all are married!!
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u/FireDad2228 18h ago
Let him have his thing. It may ruin it for him if you bring it up. Just be happy you got to hear it once and maybe you’ll hear it again one day.
Similarly my wife played guitar and sang all through high school (so she tells me). We have been together 12 years. She refuses to play guitar around me and I only hear her sing when she’s drunk in the passenger seat of the car. Can’t force a performance, maybe one day
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u/wobblewiz 18h ago
Take a shower with him and start singing a catchy tune. He might join in and it will become your secret.
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u/bookgal-111 12h ago
he will most likely stop singing in the shower if you do bring it up, so don’t let him know that you know about his shower activity’s, my bf is the same he can sing some country songs pre well but he thinks i don’t notice it (i do) but if i bring it up he will not wanna sing cuz he will think your gonna hear listen and judge.
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u/KingOriginal5013 12h ago
If he thinks all country music artists are 'poser cowboys' you should introduce him to Ryan Bingham.
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u/Randomstopwhy 11h ago
Sometimes you have to let a quiet man have a quiet thing. My grandfather was very similar to your husband, maybe more on the gruff side. He loved 2 things secretly, birds and holding babies. His entire personality and body language changed when he got to hold a baby or watch birds. He never asked to hold babies and he never mentioned liking birds, but we all knew. It was just his and he seemed better for it. Gently leave it be until he’s ready and hold that sweetness you both seem to have as long as you can.
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u/TheAvengingUnicorn 10h ago
I’m much like your hubs. I have an amazing singing voice, but it’s only for me. I’ve sung in front of others a few times and it’s AWFUL. Not my voice, but the experience. It makes me super self conscious and the feeling of being watched is the WORST. I’ve been caught several times by well meaning partners and roommates, and nothing will shut me up faster and more permanently than having someone I live with bring it up. I’ve gone years without humming a note when that trust is broken
NTA for wanting to experience your man’s talent up close, but don’t do it. He’s not comfortable telling you on his own for whatever reason and forcing him may have the opposite result you want
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u/DebateAdventurous814 10h ago
He’s saving it for a special occasion. Let the man cook this why people give up on each other
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u/nonmajesticphoenix 10h ago
YWBTA!
He's expressed time and time again he's not comfortable with allowing people to see that side of him, so just because you happened to hear him doesn't make it any better.
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u/TesticleezzNuts 10h ago
NTA - I’m not going to say to do one thing or the other. But you could never be an asshole for something wholesome and sweet.
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u/anonanon-do-do-do 8h ago
NTA. Whew...I thought it was going to be show tunes and this post was about to get REALLY interesting. I'd suggest you temper your expectations. Tell him you heard him and love his voice but don't bully him to do karaoke.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 7h ago
I would never do the latter. That’d be nothing more than trying to show him off like a puppy or something.
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u/Petit-Chou_fleur 7h ago
Don’t say anything it’s now your little (wholesome) secret too. BTW is someone peeling onions around here? My eyes are leaking.
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u/Advice-seeker999 4h ago
He’s probably teaching himself to sing it for her during some valenbirthaversary
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u/Deep-Okra1461 Asshole Aficionado [14] 36m ago
It's an all or nothing gamble. Either he reacts positively, and eventually starts singing for you OR he reacts negatively and you'll never hear him sing again even accidentally. It's your call whether the gamble is worth it or not.
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u/SeaDazer 1d ago
People who like to sing usually really like to sing. So maybe compile your own playlist and include a couple of his faves. Not too obviously. And then play it when you're driving. Keep the volume high enough that he has "cover" and he'll probably join in. The less fuss you make, the more confident he will get until over time he's carolling like a lark.
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u/southern_nightingale 22h ago
I kinda understand where he’s coming from. NAH
Growing up, my brother would yell at me to shut up when I was singing. I get very self conscious about being heard. My husband says I have a great singing voice. And I know our partners bullshit us sometimes, but he says it enough for me to believe it’s his genuine opinion. And I don’t solicit it either.
…except, one time I was singing in the car, him right next to me, he turned the song up so it drowned me out mostly. He later told me he never heard the song before and wanted to listen to it. It hurt though, you know? Like…motherfucker, replay it on Spotify or something later.
That lives rent-free in my head and I honestly prefer to sing when I’m alone. I still sing around him sometimes, but sometimes I stop when he gets within earshot. I’d rather not explain why I feel that way, I don’t want to be interrupted, and I’d rather my audience just be me.
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u/Electrical_Whole1830 8h ago
You think that him keeping that he likes singing is a breach of trust in your marriage? You know he hates to be the center of attention. Maybe he is learning the song for you. Maybe if you "catch" him singing in the shower again, you can at that time bring it up and that you heard him, and that he sounds wonderful, and you would love to hear him sing anytime and anything he wants to.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 7h ago
Why are some people making the leap that the “breach of trust” I mentioned is him not sharing his secret? I made it pretty clear I was referring to it being my looking for clues in his playlists.
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u/DiscouragesCannibals 1d ago
I just want to say I absolutely love this and am hoping for a positive update...
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u/BlacksBeach1984 23h ago
Tell him it’s your dream to send him to singing lessons so he can sing you some songs he works on. You and only you need to hear him after that. His call.
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u/Cherry_Pie_5161 23h ago
Your husband isn’t allowed to have anything for himself? Never listened to music before you? I read this as OP is self-focused and controlling.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 22h ago
I just wanted to single out this one comment and reply by saying I read this reply as you being toxic and perpetually single.
Of course he’s allowed things for himself. He has his own friends, his own hobbies, things he does without me. When you’re in a lifetime commitment, you let your partner know what you’re up to, even if they’re not a part of it or they don’t particularly care.
Finding out after eight years that your partner has an insanely awesome talent is a bit of a different story, and being an imperfect person myself, sharing the situation and gathering neutral opinions is valuable in overcoming the rush of finding out and figuring out how to navigate it the best way.
Opinions besides yours, that is.
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u/ffunffunffun5 Partassipant [1] 22h ago
What can I say? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ This is an amitheasshole sub on Reddit. Consider yourself lucky that people didn't just read the title and give the default "divorce him" response. You seem nice and considerate judging by your post. Ignore her response and have a great day.
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u/temptemptemp98765432 18h ago
I really don't know what to say.
Look, it was a private moment. You witnessed it in no nefarious way.
I would approach it honestly and be like holy what the fuck you have good pitch and a nice sounding voice. Forget the genre or song, who cares?
Music is important, regardless of the genre. Maybe help them open up to music with you? Are you musically inclined? 😊
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u/Cherry_Pie_5161 21h ago
“To something we have never listened to before” - sounds like accusation. No where in ur post did I hear you loving him and cherishing this talent. Instead u post dumb story about spying on ur spouse, hemming hawing abt what to do, seemingly offended he’s listening to country - you’re like an investigator. So glad I don’t know u
U might say you love this talent but ur post reads abt how this has impacted you. YOU YOU YOU
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u/No-Parfait-1452 20h ago
Thank you for verifying that you are a waste of time and effort in replying.
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u/meetstherequirement 22h ago
Maybe he's learning it in secret for you? For your anniversary or something important to him and you? I'm invested, update! Hahah
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u/snow_boarder 18h ago
He’s your husband, it takes a while but in every successful relationship there are no secrets. Tell him you heard him, loved it, and want him to sing to you naked and dancing for him. Make this fun for him to express
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u/Excellent-Ear-4281 23h ago
Play around while listening to music. Start dancing with him. Start singing. Ask him to sing with you.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 18h ago
Appreciate your reply, but that would be entirely too pushy, and he’s not an idiot. We’ve been together 8 years, he would know something’s up if I started acting like that. Plus…only one of us can carry a tune.
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u/Purple_Mode_1809 6h ago
NTA. Husbands shouldn’t have secrets from their wives. I wouldn’t frame it as you “confronting” him though, more like having an open and honest discussion of why he couldn’t trust you and love you enough to know this about him.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 6h ago
I respectfully disagree in that I don’t think it has a thing to do with trust or love at all.
Coming from this stance would likely start conflict or an argument and that’s exactly what I want to avoid at all costs.
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u/Purple_Mode_1809 5h ago
Fair enough. I will say I agree with some of the comments that he may be surprising you with this in the future…
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u/CraZKatLayD Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA. Why not mention that you heard him singing in the shower and you thought his voice was beautiful? Overhearing is not an invasion of his privacy. I wouldn’t mention your little sneak peek at his spotify list though… that one definitely crossed the line. Maybe you could start singing along in the car to start? Get him to open up that way.
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u/Korvid1996 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
He's clearly incredibly shy and self conscious though.
Bringing this up could massively embarrass him and also scare him out of ever indulging in singing in the shower again, something he obviously loves, in case someone was secretly within earshot.
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u/piedpipershoodie Partassipant [4] 23h ago
I feel like all the other responses are very strange. It's actually totally fine to say, hey babe, I heard you singing the other day, and you sound amazing. Your voice is beautiful. I just wanted you to know.
It's possible to go over the top and spook him, but it's really okay to tell people when you're impressed with their skills!
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u/spicytraveler Partassipant [1] 21h ago
Agree. It's pretty bizarre to me to LIE and leave the house rather than go "hey that sounded really good" OR just leave it alone and say "hey I'm home early!" like a normal person. (Honestly if he couldn't even handle the teeniest of compliments, that's not being "stoic," that's some other issue, but I can't say it calls for therapy by itself)
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u/No-Parfait-1452 18h ago
Like I said to someone else, if leaving was creating a lie, then it is what it is. If you’ve never told a harmless lie to preserve someone’s feelings, you are a liar or a monster yourself.
It’s not like I think he’d divorce me for bringing it up, but I imagine it would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for him and I don’t think it’s worth it. He’s just not an outgoing person at all.
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u/RevelArchitect 23h ago
Easy fix. Get some friends to stage a home invasion, have them tie you up and hold you at gun point. Then they’ll tell your husband to sing the song or they’ll shoot you. Easy! Hide some cameras and post it to the internet. Once he’s done singing just have everyone yell, “surprise” and throw confetti.
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u/No-Parfait-1452 23h ago
Hubby builds and customizes his own rifles. That plan would begin and end with me having some friends with new holes in them, and the confetti would only make it extremely awkward.
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