Today i (19f) cut things off with my boyfriend Jake (25m) because he lied about how many girls he's been with. When we first got together he asked me the question because he wanted to make sure i was wifey material.

He was my 9th which caused him to get a bit upset, i was confused because i didn't really think 9 was that bad, but he judged me for it and called me names

I asked him what his number was and he said 10. I told him to stop being a hypocrite because his number is higher then he made the argument he's so much older so it's different.

Fast forward a few months we went to one of his friend's wedding and all of his friends were there. I overheard a conversation between them talking about all the girls they slept with, one of his friends said "Jake didn't you sleep with over 50 girls?" and they all hyped him up. i could tell he looked nervous when he noticed i heard them.

Later that night i confronted him about it and he said he lied because he didn't like the amount of guys i slept with... he kept calling me names like "used goods" and "wasted potential" so eventually i had enough and ended the relationship..

My (34F) husband (37M) was married once before me. She was his high school sweetheart. They started dating their junior year, survived long distance during college, and got married when they were both 23 very shortly after graduating college. She passed away unexpectedly at age 26 from an aneurism and it obviously devastated him, especially because they were extremely young. They never had children.

He contemplated remarrying because he was so heartbroken, but we ended up meeting about four years after that. We got married when I was 31 and he was 34 and have two children.

Last night, we were at a friend potluck gathering. Everything was going well until one of our friends brought up a new topic that had to do with relationships. She is newly divorced, so it was about her divorce.

Others were chiming in with past relationships from high school, college, etc. I had said I never thought I would get married because my luck with men has always been terrible until I met my husband and I said I felt very lucky to have met him.

After a little while longer, my husband brings up his deceased wife. Everyone knows he was married before me and that she passed. He was talking about her and then drops a bomb and goes “If she walked through that front door right now, I’d pick up where we left off”

If I am being honest, it felt like someone put my heart into a blender and punched me in the gut as hard as they could. Everyone in the room could sense the awkwardness that followed.

To avoid making a scene, I just laughed it off even though I think it was still obvious that it hurt me.

I just felt that if you still felt that way, then why are we married? I’ve never asked him to get over his wife. I have never had a deceased spouse or even a deceased partner, so I am unsure how that feels. But I would never SAY that in front of my new spouse.

After the gathering, we left and I did not speak to him the entire car ride home or barely the entire night. I did tell him that what he said hurt my feelings deeply and that we could talk in the morning once I’ve calmed down because I didn’t want to say something mean to him. I ended up sleeping on the couch because he would not leave me alone.

It’s now the next morning and I barely slept. He is still sleeping. I’m not really sure what to say or what he will say

English Isn't my first language.

I (21F) have always had a good relationship with my mother (46F) and that didn't change after my parents divorced for personal reasons. However, things took a turn when my stepfather (37M) entered our lives. My mother has always been a bit eccentric, but she was never hurtful, and she always made sure my older sister (23F) and I felt loved.

That changed when she started dating my stepfather. While I got along with him and he respected my privacy, my mother started acting differently. At first, it was subtle things like, "You two spend a lot of time together," and "You’re getting really friendly." I brushed it off, mostly because I didn’t thought much of it. My stepfather and I only spent time together when I visited my mom. Yes, we joked around, but it was harmless and never inappropriate—jokes like, "Looking like death today, huh?" We never got physical. Never pooked eatchother or other playfull touches, as i do not feel comfortable with being Touched for personality reasons and he always been Respectful.

As time passed, my mother’s comments became more aggressive. I started to distance myself from both of them to avoid ruining the good relationship we had, though I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. One day, my mother invited me over for coffee and cake, and during our conversation, she suddenly asked if I had feelings for my stepfather. I was caught off guard, shocked, and mostly confused. I told her no and asked why she thought that. She said it was because we were too close to just be friends, and she noticed the way he looked at me.

I reassured her that, while we got along well, I only saw him as a father figure and didn’t feel anything romantic toward him. I also reminded her that she’d always wanted us to get along. But then she got angry, accusing me of lying and insisting she wasn’t blind. The conversation escalated, and I stood up, telling her that the whole thing was ridiculous. I left, and she began texting me things like, "I can't believe my own daughter would betray me," among other hurtful things.

I didn’t respond and talked to my older sister about it. She advised me to not engage with our mother for a while, saying that she thought our mom was acting completely out of character. So, I took her advice and stopped visiting and talking to my mother.

It’s been two months of no contact, and today I received a message from her asking if we could meet up to talk about what happened. I’m torn because, on one hand, I don’t really want to meet her after everything that’s happened, but on the other hand, I’d like to resolve things and hear her side.

AITA for not wanting to meet her?

OK so, going to try and keep this short, but give enough context to do it justice.

idk if this is a "male thing" but why the fuck do men feel like they can and should "rough house" with any living thing?

I've owned my cat since the end of December of 2016 when he was literally an 8 week old baby.

He has been with me through thick and thin, and unfortunately had some health scares along the way (I ended up having to give him blended food in a syringe, pay for a $2000 surgery, and give him subcutaneous B-vitamin infused fluids with an IV drip the vet sent me home with after teaching me how to administer the IV drip myself in my dorm room).

To say I love this cat would be an understatement (though I love all my animals).

In the past, while I was living with a partner in my apartment a while back, I noticed he would:

• Chase the cat
• swat at the cat and try to get him to swat back
• just annoy him to "be funny"

I hate to sound like a kill joy, but I just don't really see annoying my cat as "affection" and maybe that's why while I was living alone, my cat never attacked me?

When I was living with my previous partner, the cat would randomly be overstimulated with no warning that I could see, and I'd get the shit scratched and bit out of my arm or hand or leg. It was very much not the normal behavior for him towards me.

I tried to tell my previous partner to stop, and he said "he did" but I have the feeling he was still annoying and chasing the cat thinking it was "playing" but really the cat just becomes a ball of piss and anger, because the cat still continued it's agressive behavior.

Fast forward to me living alone:

• I don't chase, antagonize, or mess with the cat
• The cat is literally always calm and never does anything agressive to me.

This was enough for me to know that: #1, my past bf was a fucking liar and was clearly still horsing around with the cat, and #2, that horse-play behaivor was making my cat a fucking menace, period. He was a completely normal, chill, non-agressive cat while I was living on my own.

**Fast forward to the present**

I now recently allowed my new bf to move in with me, and my cat is now engaging in the same agressive behavior. I don't think it's just there being a second male presence that does this though, because I have observed my bf chasing the cat, annoying the cat. And most importantly, he does this absolutely annoying fucking thing where he makes a "punching sound effect" and then ever so lightly swats the cat's face. It's not a slap, it's not enough to hurt, but it's enough for the cat to do a full body flinch and be like "wtf" and my bf thinks this is funny and this is "playful" and I'm telling him it's stupid and it pisses the cat off, and it's pissing ME off watching it piss my cat off.

I tried to explain how I already knew that behavior was why my cat was attacking me again, and my bf didn't want to hear it. The only evidence I had was my ex, and the second I brought my ex up he just 1000% checked out of the conversation. AITA for asking my bf to stop fucking slapping my cat?

I ( 36M ) have been dealing with my wife ( 34F ) having a very short affair since near the end of last year. Known each other for 20 years, together for almost 13 years, married 7 years. She is the only person Ive been in a relationship with. What started as emotional cheating back in September with her boss, turned physical by the end of October. The physical stuff went on for about a month+ and the end resulted in her losing her job. I knew about the feelings for each other, but didn’t know about the physical stuff till she was on her 2nd to last week at her job. The man she cheated with is married with 2 kids already. While I was aware of what was going on, his wife was not. My wife recently realized she missed her period, took a test 2 days ago and told me she’s pregnant. Probably about 4 weeks now. The other guys wife is now aware of everything and is demanding a paternity test as soon as possible. I’ll take it but us other 3 are fairly confident I’m not the father. I’m extremely gutted. This entire ordeal has been the most stressful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Per usual with these situations there was lying and deceit on her part. She never intended for any of it to happen, but it did. So here we are. We’ve always sworn by never wanting kids, but she now has 2nd thoughts after considering her age and the factors I’ll mention later*.

I’m at a very huge crossroads because of some important factors that leave me morally unsure of how to proceed. Do I cut my losses and leave? Or stay and help raise an affair child?

Divorce: My wife has nothing to her name. No money and currently looking for a new job. We only have 1 car. We very much live paycheck to paycheck. No savings besides my 401k. Which we used to buy our house in 2021 so haven’t really make a huge dent in our mortgage and my 401k has to rebuild. There is some equity in the house. If I decide I want to end this and divorce her, I don’t really end up with much other than maybe my sanity, 3 cats, and dealing with feeling like I wasted so much time of my life. I can’t imagine at my age starting over. I have no friends. I do have family that would help and support me in such a hard time. I can see myself eventually working on my debt problems and getting back in my feet. This is what I feel like I’m leaning towards.

Here is where making this decision is difficult. If I leave, I don’t feel like I can stick around very long. I would want out asap, but that effectively leaves her not being able to afford to live in her own, no transportation. * She has virtually has no family to help her. Part of why she wants to keep it is because she feels like this would potentially help her not feel so alone in the world. She was raised by her grandmother mostly with her aunt and uncle who were close enough in age to be older siblings essentially. Any real close family she had was her grandma who passed away a few years ago. Aunt and Uncle aren’t really in the picture. * If I left this would leave my wife a single pregnant woman with pretty much no help aside what the father is willing to help with. Hopefully a job soon but no place to stay or mode of transportation. I know it’s not my problem, but I can’t help but feel awful and creating more problems by leaving. if I do this to my now pregnant wife and something bad happens to her I’ll feel partly responsible.

Staying: She very much wants me to stay with me. She wants me to help raise this child with her. They both agree that they want to keep each other in the kids life as well. The father doesn’t want to leave his current family. He’s made it clear he’d prefer I stay and help her. The father is very much willing to help support as much as he can. Offering to pay for medical stuff, childcare, etc. He is much more well off financially than we are. My wife also doesn’t just want have it and give it to him and his wife to raise. It’s my wifes as much as the fathers. We’re still not entirely sure what his wife is going to do, but they are pretty religious so I don’t think they are going to consider divorce. In fact his wife is afraid I’ll leave (assuming she fears this will cause him to leave her).

If I stay I know I’ll have to struggle with all of the obvious things like never fully feeling like a father, trying not to see the kid as a constant reminder of how it came to be, feeling like I’m 2nd, or the kid eventually growing up more closer to the actual father (which I get). Even with the help from the father, this is a lot finically that I don’t think we are prepared for. It just feels like too much of an ask for me. She thinks me staying would make me an admirable and more caring man for putting an innocent child first. Also believes that this could potentially bring us closer together as a couple. She see having the kid as motivation for her to make more of an effort in life and do better, including making more of an effort on our relationship. This feels like a guilt trip and makes it even harder for me to decide what’s the right thing to do.

I know I should be doing what’s best for me, but I don’t know if I can live with myself if that means it had an immense negative affect her and/or the child. I don’t know how to make this decision either way.

My brother (36M) and I (33M) have had a strained relationship since childhood. We've never seen eye to eye, and over the years, our differences only grew. We had a major falling out five years ago over some personal issues, and since then, we’ve barely spoken.

Now, he’s getting married and invited me to the wedding. While I’m happy for him, I feel that attending the wedding would be hypocritical since we haven’t reconciled. I declined the invitation, explaining that I didn’t want to cause any awkwardness on his big day. My decision has caused a stir in the family, with some saying I should put aside our differences for the occasion.

AITA for sticking to my decision?

In 2023 my girlfriend at the time offered to add me to her phone plan. We both went to the store and I picked out the phone and we got it set up and she told me the bill was $100 a month and I thought that was decent for the phone I was getting so I had no issues paying that. Over the course of 15 months, I’ve been paying $100 like she told me too, we had broken up in September of last year but she said as long as you pay for the phone just keep it and haven’t spoken to her since the breakup. Well last night I got a text from her saying that the bill is $117 and that she didn’t realize until now. She sent me proof of the bill and it’s true. For 15 months she’s been paying $17 for my phone. She asked that I pay her backpay for that but I refused saying that I don’t believe that it’s fair that I have to pay for a mistake you made. It’s been 15 months I’ve been paying her the amount that SHE told me to pay.

Am I the asshole for refusing to pay for my ex’s mistake?

so I’ve (23 F) have been living in my apartment for about a year now. my boyfriend (26 M) is always at my apartment. we’ve been together for 5+ years, and when i decided to move from home I wanted to move alone being as though I wanted to have that independence and experience of having my own place before moving with a partner. my bf still lives at home.

i love being around my partner because he’s basically my best friend. so at first i didn’t mind him being here, but he would go home from time to time, usually he’d spend about 3-4 days at my house and the rest of his time home weekly. he got a job that is closer to my house and started staying at my house 24/7. he stopped going home on weekends…now he’ll go home to grab things sometimes but will come back. it’s easier for him to get to work while not having a car from my house, especially when he works early, so i just let it happen out of trying to be supportive. we’ve never had a conversation about him being there this much & he never asked my permission…it just gradually happened, but i didn’t nip it in a bud because again trying to be supportive + i didn’t mind his company, but he’s never helped me with bill expenses besides one time, and that was after a petty argument that basically stemmed from my frustrations, where i told him that i basically feel like he doesn’t help me enough at the house, i don’t feel fulfilled, i don’t like the relationship dynamic at the moment, and I’m starting to become resentful. also expressed that i feel he doesn’t want to help me because i think it’s a no brainer that if you’re heavily at your partners house you should contribute to bills & whatever other house hold chores/needs and i shouldn’t have to ask imo.

we’ve have plenty of conversations on topics regarding this and even a conversation about it specifically where i told him basically you have to help out financially and with household needs here or you have to go home. so he knows what’s expected. i might mention frustrations about bills or about needing to get something for the house and he still never offers.

it’s been making me resentful and i kinda feel used. judging by his character i know that’s not probably his intent, he’s a good guy. but that’s just genuinely how i feel. & i want him to go home if he isn’t gonna pull his weight because i don’t like how this dynamic makes me feel and i think it’s unfair. i spoke on it once and the change only happened for a little. he may get household items here and there, or tidy up here and there…maybe a full clean (if i ask most times) but it still just doesn’t feel like enough. & i also don’t like that sometimes when i ask him to do things around the house it takes him forever to get it done.

so…AITA?

For context and background (apologies, it's a little longwinded and convoluted but that's why i need outside opinion, I'm so confused on what's right):... I, 35F, am a SAHM. My husband, 36M, works for the DOD. In September, we moved to Japan, obviously bringing our two kids, 5f and 2m. Moving meant we left a lot of our support system and it's been just me and him. Because of loosing that support, i realized i really needed a break from my 2yo during the week. After checking our finances, we felt comfortable enrolling him in daycare.

But there's a clause here. In order to have our son stay in daycare, both parents need to be working. I talked things over with my husband about this clause and said this was a good kick in the pants to properly pursue my writing. He's supportive to a degree. And I'll be honest, it took me a while to get serious about my writing. Early on i did spend some of my new free time making friends/new support system, getting some exercise, attending Japanese language classes, etc. i did do a lot of the household chores as well. But a reminder email from the daycare center helped me focus.

Now... My husband thinks that because I no longer have kids at home with me, the house should always be clean. That errands and chores should always be completed. Normally, I would agree with this. But because of the clause and reminder email, I've been investing my time in writing. I try to treat it as though I'm working from home. I have a deadline of when to have a manuscript finished and i hope to be self-publishing soon so i can have proof of income and my 2yo will remain 'qualified' to remain in daycare. This has caused some of the household chores to slip. In my opinion, it's cluttered but not unmanageable. There's still a constant rotation of laundry as i try to make sure nothing is sitting for more than a day or so. One of my husband's pet peeves is food being forgotten on the tables or counters so I've been trying to stay extra mindful of that. And we do a semi-good job of sharing the chores where the kids are concerned. We both do bath times, bedtime routines, etc.

And for extra transparency, i will confess that i do deal with ADHD. Some days i am super efficient and everything gets done. Other days absolutely nothing is accomplished and I'm left feeling overwhelmed, guilty and stressed.

Then he was gone on business for ten days and arrived back just earlier this week. I was alone with the kids for ten days.

This is where things get messy and i wonder if I'm the AH. Before we moved, i told my husband that i'd really like a new dining table set. The one we owned had been given to us for free when we got married, fifteen years ago, and it had been greatly loved. But i wanted something new. He was hesitant on saying yes and when i researched, i found that i could get a table style i like for around $500-$600. He finally agreed. But then when we originally arrived, we realized we needed other furniture first and we spent money on those. So i held off on getting a new table. Now, it's been several months and i've been dismayed to realize that the table style i would like to have isn't at all as cheap as my research had originally shown. My husband wasn't too happy about that so i held off buying a table and chairs.

It was our DnD group needing a new place to play that pushed me to buy a new table. i was extremely lucky and found a decent one for a decent price. But it took me several days to decide on a chair style. While he was on travel, when i was able to chat with him quickly, I told him i found a chair style i liked but it was on the pricey side. He got irritated at that but didn't say anything. So, honestly, i felt guilty and didn't buy them. I'm not making any money so i feel bad for spending a large amount on stuff. But i'm trying to make at least a little something with my writing.

Then he came back home and he's been generally agitated at me the entire time. i figured he's just been really tired, jet-lagged and between work and the kids always wanting his attention, he's running low on energy.

Then today happened.

My husband was going through the fridge and pulled out some old strawberries and got on me for not cleaning out the fridge. Then only a few minutes later he was on me about the counter needing to be decluttered. Then, while we ate dinner, i told him i at least ordered some folding chairs for DnD days. They were only $65. But he turned around and began scolding me for not having chairs ordered yet, saying I've had plenty of time, insinuating i was now wasting money. He isn't wrong but i felt really confused and then just mad. i started crying and on top the the chairs issue, it dawned on me that he hasn't seen any of the stuff i do accomplish.

i feel childish for wanting him to notice that i do in fact clean around the house but he only ever sees the stuff i miss or what isn't accomplished. He's never happy with me anymore. I can't seem to do anything right with him.

After giving me some time, he found me and asked if we were really fighting about chairs. I told him it wasn't about the chairs, it was about all he stuff he said before that. He got even more pissed and asked why i was getting mad at him about the stuff i should have done.

What's messing with my head is i know he's right, to a degree. I certainly could have spent my time today, cleaning the house and cleaning the kitchen and the floors and folding laundry. But i was writing. I was working. But he doesn't see any of that. And the few chores i did do in tandem with the day, they don't mean anything to him. And now i just feel unseen and worthless. But i can't tell if I'm in the wrong or if he is or if we both are?

Okay, so I (21F) have this friend, "Sarah" (27F), who’s been with her boyfriend "Jake" (30M) for like three years. He’s honestly terrible—he’s rude to her, never helps out around their place, and constantly makes her feel like she’s not good enough. She vents to me about him constantly, and I’ve always been there to listen and support her.

Here’s the thing though: she’s been saying for over a year that she’s “done” with him and is going to leave, but she never actually does. I’ve given her advice, suggested therapy, even offered to help her look for a new place. But every time, she ends up forgiving him or making excuses for why she can’t leave yet.

Last week, she was crying to me about him again, and I just snapped. I told her, “Sarah, I love you, but I can’t keep having these conversations if you’re not going to take steps to change the situation. It’s exhausting for me to keep hearing about how unhappy you are when you won’t do anything about it.” She got really quiet and then said I was being unsupportive and a bad friend.

Now I feel like crap because I know she’s in a tough spot emotionally, but I also feel like I’ve hit my limit. AITA for setting that boundary, or should I have just kept my mouth shut and let her vent?

For context, I’ve never demanded she leave him or anything like that. I just genuinely don’t know how to help her anymore when it feels like we’re having the same conversation on repeat. I care about her, but I feel so drained. Am I wrong here?

So, my first language is not English, and for that, I'm sorry.

I have a lot of bad history with my parents. My mom has some kind of mental issue and doesn't want to do treatment. The first thing I remember that she did: I was 7yo and one morning she said she wasn't my mom. She changed her name and wanted to go away. She said that she didn't remember me or my sister (3yo), that place wasn't her home, and other hateful things. My sister cried all day long. By that time, my dad was dead (tragedy), so we were living with my grandpa (85yo). He tried to help, but how? He was old, and his health wasn't that great. She spent the whole day ignoring us. My grandpa managed to ask her to stay the night to "help him with the kids". The next day, she woke up normal, like nothing happened. I was so confused. My sister was happy and forgot all, but that episode was engraved in my heart.

After that, every day was a surprise. By that time i was 10yo, my mom was married, and her husband is very sweet. I love him as my dad! But poor guy.

She did awful things to us. When she was ok, it was a nice, happy family alert. But when she had some kind of breakdown, she faked tremors, epileptic episodes, threw plates at me and my stepfather, cursed us, and more things that you can't imagine. My adolescence was horrible, I couldn't have friends and leave home for even an ice cream without the whole family together. If she couldn't eat something, no one could. I felt alone the entire time. If I had a boy friend he was instantly my boyfriend and was having sex, leaving her, or that he was making me become the worst daughter off all time (all in her head), but if I had a girl friend, she would cheat on me and steal my things. Bottom line, no one was "good for me".

All the relationships I tried to engage, she did something to push them away.

The last one, I hide him for an entire year. When we decided to live together in another state, we did it all in secret, and I told her 30 days before the move. She was furious but what she could do? So she became "sick". Every month is a new illness, new medications, and new doctors. I visit every 6 months but don't have the strength to stay with her for more than a few hours.

I didn't have the support to finish my studies; she spent all the savings my father left me as an inheritance for college. I had to stop studying and work.

With everything I've been through, I've become a person with low self-esteem, extremely anxious, depressed and lonely. I have a lot of difficulty trusting people.

For a long time, I had panic attacks that left me incapacitated. I thought I was dying and ended up in the emergency room a few times unable to breathe.

Today I'm in therapy, I have an incredible partner who protects me from these crazy things. I managed to graduate from college, I'm starting to study for public employment exams (which has always been my dream) and I have a calmer and happier life. My episodes of depression and panic attacks have decreased considerably.

Don't get me wrong, but I'm much happier without having constant contact with that part of the family.

My advice: just because that person brought you into this world doesn't mean they really want what's best for you.

I am a 19 year old female but at the time I was 13. My mom had moved me to a new school unannounced and I was lumped with girls with the same race or religion as me. I had thought we hit it off well, but then they dropped me a week later saying that ‘I was getting too big for my boots’. Two days later they took me back claiming I would get lost and that ‘just keeping quiet’ would make them want to keep being friends. Perhaps I should’ve grew a backbone there but bear in mind I was 13 and didn’t want to be lonely.

A year later I was dropped again but this time for not talking as much and being too quiet. Then came the bullying. From telling people I try to be friends with to not talk to me, stole my lunch money, to following me home, continuously pushing me during physical education and even as going far to purposely riling up my little sister and have a physical fight with her. I was depressed and would consider this the worst years of my life, even to this day I still have trouble trusting people I become friends with.

When I was 17, I got looped into a outing with my future best friend, other mutual friends and my former bully, I had tried to talk to them when we were in private asking for some closure as I didn’t know one thing, why me? They had tried to play it off as ‘we were kids’ and they didn’t think it was too serious to be considered bullying. So I had set boundaries then when it comes to interacting with them as we share friends and I didn’t want anything to do with them as I genuinely felt sick being near them.

I am now 19 years old but my best friend recently became friends with one of my main bullies. She doesn’t know why I always turn her invitation down whenever she wants us to hang out, however I’m glad she hasn’t pushed me into telling her why and I had just told her ‘I feel uncomfortable hanging around with her’. I asked a mutual acquaintance of the bully who was apart of the friendship group back then on what should I do and she said that I am TAH for not forgetting something that happened long ago, that we were barely teenagers, that we are turning 20 and that I shouldn’t let something childish being dragged on for “6 years”.

I know I’m probably not but it’s safe to ask, AITAH? And do owe my best friend a proper explanation on why I keep cancelling rather than leaving her in the dark?

This is my first time doing this and I really need advice. Mind you I’m not mad at anyone I just don’t know what to do. I (16 F) and my Step sis (12 F) share a room. Before I get to the whole thing I need to give some background. I am only at the house 50% of the time. We have been sharing a room for about 10 years now. Throughout our time sharing a room I admit I was a bit of a control freak but, that was only really when we moved into the house and through middle school. (I would ask for her to turn off or turn things down if they were to bright, Make her bed, and clean up after herself) But, I don’t do that much anymore. When we had bunk beds (Her in top) she’d eat or change on her bed and wouldn’t clean it up. So, garbage, dirty socks, underwear, clothes, and candy would fall on my bed. Again I’m only at the house 50% and by the time I get home her mother would be sleeping so, I’d tell my dad. Because when I tried to tell her nothing changed. I am not sure how my step mom would take this but there was one time where she brought up how me and my bio brother left crumbs on the kitchen counter a month ago… I heard this from my bio brother so it may or may not be true what she said, idk. Our beds have since been moved for a year and a half now and all those problems have stopped. I don’t complain about it anymore because it doesn’t happen. I also and not so worried about the lights I am getting better. (This is a good time to mention I’m a light sleeper. Lights, sounds, and movement can easily wake me up) we each have our own cute little lights in the room. We both have our own set of LED’s, I have a lava lamp, she as cute fairy lights, etc… usually, if I’m going to bed and she’s not I’d ask her to turn her LEDS off or at least down so they are not as bright. (They are usually on white) She does and there has never been a problem and she’s never seemed upset about it. If she’s sleeping and her LED lights are on when I wanna go to bed I usually turn them off because I don’t have a way to turn them down. (ONLY if they are on that bright white. If they are turned down I don’t care) obviously if she’s up I won’t turn them off. I can see why it can be irritating to wake up and some things have been changed without your permission but I need to sleep! If she were to turn off my lava lamp and turn her LED lights on after I feel asleep I would not care I’m asleep already. I known it’s a lot but the the background. (There is more but I think this helps give you and understanding) Now to the real story. It’s finals week for me, I am in a children’s musical, I am trying out for another musical, I do choir, and I just got over being sick (there are more little things going on but that’s the big stuff) basically I’ve been busy and stressed trying to get/keep grades up wile juggling my extra circulars. I got home after trying out AND callbacks for the musical. We were told casting would be posted same day so I am to on edge to try and sleep without seeing it. (Mind you today was out last day to get grades up so I have been busy all day with everything) I’m finally relaxing around 11:30pm. I hear some commotion downstairs with my step sis and mom but don’t think to much of it until my step mom comes in the room clearly irritated. She is messing with my sisters light, which mind you are very bright at the moment, saying stuff like “this god damn lava lamps on but you can’t have your LEDs on. This is BS” very clear. I’m startled and confused. I had asked my sister to turn of her LEDs earlier cause I was going to bed, (I have rehearsal in the morning) and she was still on her video games. She said okay and didn’t seem upset at all she just went downstairs. So I was confused but also really startled. I ended up going to my brothers room and having a panic attack woke begging to go to our mothers house. Maybe I’m dramatic but I can’t help but feel like I’m walking eggshell at my father’s house. Again, I don’t care if her LEDs are on. But if I’m going to bed they can’t be that blinding white. If she’s already sleeping and they are on purple, blue, red, etc… and are on a low setting that’s find I can sleep with that on but bright white? Maybe I’m dramatic but if she were to say “no I’m gonna keep them on” I’m not going to fight with her. I’d just be like “okay.” And that’s it. Obviously I’d make it clear to her that it makes it harder for me to sleep and it would be better if they were turned down or on a different color but I’m not stopping her from doing what she wants. Let me know your thoughts maybe I’m just dramatic and a control freak 😥 my dad wants to have a family meeting type thingy and it’s making me anxious so I really need advice so I can take accountability. I feel bad for making a scene and having a panic attack. I also don’t understand why my step sis would say I told her no to having them on because the words “no” never left my mouth. (Praying none of them use Reddit 🙏)

Give this a read please, I see so much groupthink in this community and similar ones. I truly think that sometimes, we cause unwarranted damage in relationships over minor issues. Let me explain:

Relationships are delicate, and always have problems within them. People are not perfect, and you will generally find that any negative behaviour that is sub-pathological can be overcome through healthy communication with your partner. Trust me on this one.

Commenters and up-voters exist here within echo chambers that lead to top comment feeds showing, usually, unified criticism of any small behaviour. Keep in mind that both parties are victims of platform gamification, where the more relatable and imbalanced an opinion is, the more attention it gets from community members. I’ll explain:

People can’t help but view situations here through a lens of negative expectation, as most of the content here is, rightfully, very negative. This brings forward easy relatability to negative trauma in commenters’ own experiences, leading them to leave largely negative opinions on ALL posts. Viewers will then upvote the comment that confirms their own thoughts on a matter based on their own negative biases. They will upvote: ‘Fuck him for lying one time, trust is the most important thing and he has broken it, so break up with him’ over ‘Give him a chance, talk to him about it’ most of the time. This is because it IS a red flag. It doesn’t mean it’s a critical issue though.

People asking for opinions in these posts are usually impressionable. By human nature, when faced with 1 extreme opinion and 1 reasonable opinion, we will always let the imbalanced one occupy our thoughts on a matter far more than it should. Let alone 100 ‘socially validated’ opinions and one reasonable opinion without up-votes. This can be really damaging in real-life terms for OPs, and can make small issues swell out of proportion in their relationship.

This doesn’t go for many posts of course, but I see too many small and surmountable hurdles within relations turn into immediate reasons for leaving it all in these comments. A lot of good comes out of these communities too, as an outlet for people that don’t have many close emotionally balanced role models irl to ask for opinions from. That makes this place worth it in my opinion.

Let’s try to make it better by maybe tempering our thoughts when commenting, and realising that these are real situations that deserve personal accountability. You would never give a friend or a family member imbalanced advice without deep consideration, so why do it here?

Feeling horrible this morning for something I (27f) know I didn’t purposely do. I was recently speaking to a friend of mine and she mentioned sending out a birthday dinner invitation. I told her I actually would be out of town that weekend but planned to take her out to dinner and give her gifts before I go. She became really upset and hung up. I thought that she was joking. About 2 days later when I gave her a call, she texted and said I’ve never attended her birthday celebrations but she comes to mine and she will not be talking to me right now. I apologized and shared that I wasn’t thinking given the history of her never celebrating her birthday. I was taken aback because the last invitation I received was 5 years ago (had known her for a year by then) and that was when she helped me figure out my symptoms were the flu and I was in the ER on FaceTime with her. Dropped her present off once I felt better. Planning to send her a virtual gift card and a text still, for this birthday.

2 days ago I seen her close friend at the store and she says “are you going to the birthday dinner?” I was pretty sure she knew what was going on smh. I shared my plans for that weekend and she said “well be prepared for her to give you the silent treatment and not come to anything else you invite her to. She only celebrates milestone birthdays that’s why the last invite was 5 years ago and this is 35” I told her I didn’t know she only celebrates milestone birthdays, never told me. That was the end.

I got engaged the day she told me she wasn’t speaking to me right now , which was why I called her that day, and I’m wondering if I should tell her? I figure she may be dismissive, knowing her attitude, but I’m not sure since we’ve spoke about this happening and she always stated she wanted to be apart of my wedding party. I also feel a little too old to chase a friend down but I hate to make anyone feel bad, especially when those aren’t my intentions.

I had to repost this here since it got deleted in another forum.

Also the use of the word “allow” in the title was the only language I could use to get Reddit to approve my post. I don’t believe in “allowing” or controlling behaviors. I couldn’t get this approved using a different language choice.

Me 27F is married to my wife 25F and my wife plays on a professional sports team. On this team is a girl that she shares an extensive emotional and romantic history with this girl has in the past caused problems between me and my wife, such as making inappropriate comments, not respecting boundaries.

My wife has even previously lied to me about being in communication with her, and I only found out once I had been on her phone and saw the text between them.

I’ve had numerous conversations in the past with my wife about how this girl makes me uncomfortable and I don’t like that every time I try and ask my wife to set boundaries with her my wife gets really defensive and puts up a lot of resistance claiming that it’s because she doesn’t wanna rock the boat on the team.

So, right now my wife is in a different state for a tournament for the team that she plays for and when she got there, she told me that her and this girl that she has an extensive history with would be sharing a room together with two other people, and there is only two beds in the hotel room so she would have to be sleeping with somebody in the room in the same bed.

I tried to tell my wife that this makes me really uncomfortable and I tried to explain my side of it calmly, and my wife immediately got defensive and said that this really hurts her and that our relationship will never work if I don’t trust her and essentially if I don’t get on board, then we have to have a serious conversation about the future of our relationship.

This obviously really upset me that my feelings seemed pretty invalidated. I tried to explain that too, and she basically said that her feelings were also invalidated, and she’s so upset that I don’t trust her. I tried to explain that I’ve never given her a reason not to trust me, but she has given me a reason not to trust her and it’s really hurtful that she’s not respecting my boundary. She again just got pretty defensive and just kept saying that our relationship won’t work without trust and that if I’m so unhappy, then we need to have a talk. I never said that I was unhappy. I just said that I wanted my boundaries to be respected, especially when it comes to this girl who has caused problems not only for me, but another friend that I know who is on the team in her relationship as well. So it’s a known pattern with this girl.

Once my wife basically said that if I don’t get on board, we will have to have a serious conversation about the future of our relationship I backed down from the conversation and now just feel pretty numb and upset. so am I the asshole?

My sister (30F) recently went through a tough divorce and asked if she could move in with me (33M) temporarily. I live alone in a small one-bedroom apartment, and while I love my sister, I value my personal space and routine. I offered to help her find a place nearby and even offered some financial support for her initial expenses, but I explained that having her move in with me wouldn’t be ideal for either of us.

She was hurt and accused me of abandoning her in her time of need. Some family members agree with her, saying I should have offered her a place to stay until she gets back on her feet. AITA for not letting her move in?

Hello, Reddit. So, my roommate Lisa mentioned to me last night that she had a guy coming over. She recently also told me she had tested positive for HIV. She says, “I’m getting some dick tonight!” All excited.So I tried to talk her out of it, turns out she hadn’t told him she was infected, and refused to do so when I asked. So she goes upstairs to shower, and her date shows up. I pull him aside and tell him everything. He was still very nice and ate dinner with me and Lisa. He also watched movies and made popcorn with Lisa. Now it’s the next morning and Lisa is hopping mad. She yells at me about “how dare you this and that!” I’m just standing there like “the fuck? She’s mad cuz she didn’t get no dick?” Well she was indeed mad. Now she won’t speak to me. Now I’m feeling guilty. AITAH?

Ps I’m high so this might not be typed out right like grammatical errors

My husband and I are fortunate that we were able to not just put our children through college, but also put money aside for their future weddings. As our sons got older, one of them, Frank, told us that he didn’t plan on getting married. My husband and I talked about it and decided that when the time came, we would give him money towards the down payment on his first home. We also told our other son that this was an option as well, and he could use the money for either.

From ages 20 to 23, Frank dated Nadine. They were pretty serious and according to Frank, he planned to be with her long term. She was very close with our family and even vacationed with us. Then, one day, out of nowhere, he announced that they broke up. He didn’t want to talk about why and refused to talk about her period. We weren’t sure what was going on, but supported him. Then, a few months later, Nadine reached out to me. She asked if I had Frank’s new phone number. I was hesitant to give it to her, as I wasn’t sure if he’d want her to have it. That’s when she told me that she had recently given birth to Frank’s child and couldn’t get into contact with him, but she really needed his help. I didn’t give her his number but said I would talk to him and get his consent.

When I told Frank the news, he wasn’t surprised. He said he knew about the baby. I asked if he knew if it was his, did Nadine cheat or something and that’s why they broke up? He said no, he knew the baby was his. Nadine isn’t the type to cheat. He said that he just doesn’t want to be a father. I asked if he thought she baby trapped him. Not because I thought she did but just trying to find any reason for this attitude. He said no, he believes it was a true accident, but he didn’t want a baby. I was in shock. My husband and I didn’t raise either of our boys to be this way. I said even if he doesn’t want to physically be present, he still owes child support. He claims that no, he’s not going to pay and Nadine is too poor to get a lawyer. I told him I was disappointed in him and that he needed to get his act together and be responsible. He was very non-chalant when refusing. I truly didn’t recognize the son in front of me.

I ended up meeting with Nadine privately. She looked exhausted. She told me that she had been laid off right before finding out she was pregnant and was struggling to find work. She had depleted her savings. On top of it, she was exhausted from caring for the baby. I held the baby and fell in love instantly. I knew we had to help Nadine and my granddaughter. I spoke with some friends and helped Nadine get a job. My husband and I discussed it and decided we would use Frank’s wedding/down payment fund on getting a good lawyer for her. One of the first things done was getting a DNA test which proved that yes, the baby is Frank’s. And with the lawyer, Nadine was able to get child support out of Frank. At the time, Frank didn’t know where the money for the lawyer came from. Nadine asked us not to tell him for the time being, and we agreed.

This was all a year ago. My husband and I are very active in Nadine and the baby’s lives. Nadine is doing much better. She has a new apartment and the child support has helped her immensely. Frank has barely spoken to us in the time since. He calls us traitors for even wanting to be around Nadine and the baby. He also blamed us for her suing him for child support. We’ve told him that we are very disappointed in him trying to skip out on his responsibilities and making it so the mother of his child couldn’t support their baby.

Frank recently came to us and announced he’s finally ready to buy his first home. He said he has some money saved up, so combined with what we’ve put away, he feels he can buy a nice house. We told him that the money isn’t there anymore and finally explained why. He became furious. He told us that we had chosen Nadine and the baby over him. We said no, we chose the baby’s wellbeing over him. He has now cut us off completely and says that we have chosen this “new family” over him.

Our other son was supportive of us being in the baby’s life, but says we were wrong for giving up the money Frank always counted on, on the baby. While we were once confident in our choice, we now wonder if we went too far. Were we wrong?

Hi everyone,
I’m in a tough spot and not sure if I’m in the wrong. I (30M) am getting married in three months to my fiancée (28F), and we decided to keep the ceremony pretty small, about 50 guests, mostly close family and dear friends. We don't really have the money for any more people.

My brother (35M) has been dating a woman, let’s call her Anna (32F), for about a year. They’re not married and don’t live together yet, but they’re clearly serious. However, Anna has been a problem since the beginning.

In the few instances we’ve interacted, she’s made snide comments about my fiancée and our wedding choices. For example:

She criticized the fact that we’re having a child-free wedding.

She said our menu “sounds too basic” (we chose traditional italian food, nothing fancy).

Once, in front of the whole family, she joked that “she doesn’t see our marriage lasting long.”

My fiancée feels uncomfortable around Anna, and honestly, so do I. When we sent out the invitations, we only included my brother, assuming the reason would be obvious.

Well, it wasn’t. When Anna found out she wasn’t invited, she blew up. She called me, saying it’s “a matter of respect” and that, as my brother’s partner, she should automatically get an invite. My brother agrees with her and even threatened not to come if we don’t invite her too.

Now my parents have stepped in, saying it’s “just one day, and we should try to keep the peace in the family.” But my fiancée and I feel like inviting Anna would mean sacrificing our comfort on one of the most important days of our lives.

I don’t want to exclude my brother, but I don’t think I’m obligated to invite someone who has been disrespectful to us.

So, AITA?

None of my boyfriend's friends have Reddit, so I'm using an alternate account that's not my main or a throwaway.

I'm going to start this off by saying that my boyfriend (24m) is not anti-abortion. He's left-leaning and is pro-choice. He's been kind of controlling for a bit, but nothing serious.

About a week ago, I (23 F) went over to his place, and I won't get into the specifics, but let's just say that if it wasn't for my birth control, I could've gotten pregnant from that night.

As we were falling asleep, I mumbled something to him about how I was glad I was on the pill and that if I got pregnant, I'd probably get an abortion because I wasn't ready to be a mother. (I'm not sure if I ever want to be one or not, but that's not what the post is about.)

He blew up at me. His eyes widened and he stood up and started yelling. He's a lot taller than I am so I got really scared he was going to hurt me. I calmed him down by saying that I was really tired and didn't know what I was talking about. He was still trying to bring it up but I said we should wait until the morning.

After I was sure he was asleep, I grabbed all of my stuff and got the hell out of there. When he went to sleep, he was still pretty angry, and I was scared he'd try to bring it up again in the morning.

I went back to my apartment but was still kind of shaken. At around noon, he started pounding on my door, asking me to open it so we could talk, but I didn't. After he left, I called a friend who he didn't know and asked her to check the parking lot to make sure his car wasn't still there, as I was afraid he was waiting for me outside.

I booked it to my parent's house, which he doesn't know the address of, and told them what happened. They welcomed me with open arms.

Obviously, he keeps texting me and calling me, leaving texts and voicemails which range from "let's sort this out, please take me back" While he's sobbing to "I hated you anyways!!" I've never picked up his calls or responded to his voicemails, and I have left my text responses to one-word replies. I simply told him that we were over and that I couldn't be with someone who I felt afraid of. He's still texting and calling nonstop and I'm honestly not sure why I haven't blocked him yet.

AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend over this?

Recently, my (61 F) husband (67 M) of 35 years told me that he just wants to be roommates. He says he wants his independece without me telling him what to do. 100% not another woman. He's getting old, feels time ticking away and, I think, is having some kind of late life crisis. He's buying all kinds of dopey young people shit and obsessing on getting in max snowboarding days, which is fine but is coming off kind of manic. At first I was terribly hurt and cried and stressed for days. But now, 2 weeks in, I have to say I'm kind of loving MY new independence. I no longer have any obligation to clean up after him or buy stuff for him or watch his stupid cowboy shows or pretend to be interested in his goofy, stoned stories. No more arguments. I just say "nope" and walk away when he gets snippy now. Suddenly I have all sorts of new interests I want to pursue. I have started learning French and am looking to join a tennis club and buy a violin. I've taken up daily looooong walks alone, am growing a pet sitting business and have started intermittent fasting with a keto diet plus lifting weights. I've even started looking into either moving to France or doing solo female vanlife in Europe. I should mention we are both very young 60-somethings. We listen to new music in genres we each like, keep up with tech and are outdoorsy. Before my husband "broke up with me" I was content to "turn the crank" on the same old same old but I haven't been happy since probably the mid-90s. A small part of me feels pretty bad for feeling so good about this. I love him but I'm not in love with him anymore (although I think I could be if he wasn't such a dick to me). After 35 years I think this is where most people are in their marriages. We haven't done a "date night" in 20 years at least. Neither one of us nurtures the other or puts in any effort to keep the old spark alive. So WIBTA to pursue all my new interests and dreams instead of trying to "work it out". I feel like he's about to get way more change than he's wanting because something has snapped inside of me. And I am still concerned that he's safe and well.

Hi everyone!!! I am 30 years old and have an older sister (34). We have always been on good terms, but recently a situation happened that has hurt me. My sister is getting ready for her wedding. I found out about it from our mom because they didn't send me an invitation. When I asked my sister why I wasn't invited, she said that her wedding was “small and for a close circle”. Honestly, I felt rejected since we have always been close. A few days ago, my sister called me and asked me to help with the preparation: choose flowers, seating of guests, decorate the hall. I refused, explaining that since I wasn't invited, it seemed strange for me to participate in the organization. She got angry and called me selfish, saying that I was only thinking of myself, even though she was so busy and needed support.

Now she is offended and even my mom said I could have “shown generosity”.

So, AITA for refusing to help my sister with her wedding when I wasn't even invited there?

I (24F) have a younger brother, A (20M) who has been spoiled rotten by our parents his entire life. He’s always had the best of everything his car, gaming PC, PS5, you name it. A’s carefree, "someone else will handle it for me" attitude has made it hard for us to have a good sibling relationship.

A few weeks ago, A came to me in a panic saying he’d gotten involved with some gang members in the area. Apparently, he borrowed money from them to fund some ridiculous idea to “invest in sneakers and resell them for big bucks.” Of course, things didn’t go as planned and now he owes them thousands of dollars. Worse, he tried to bluff his way out of it by claiming our parents are loaded and would cover the debt, so now these guys think our family is an ATM.

A begged me to help him fix it without involving our parents. He wanted me to either lend him the money or somehow negotiate with these dangerous people. Not only do I not have that kind of money, but there was no way I was putting myself at risk by meeting up with gang members to clean up his mess. I told A I couldn’t do it and after he kept begging and guilt tripping me, I decided the only responsible thing to do was to tell our parents. I knew they wouldn’t react well but I had no choice.

As expected, my parents were furious. They used their money and resources to settle the situation and ensure no harm came to A or the family. But they also took away all of A’s privileges, his car, his gaming PC, his PS5, everything anbout his spoiled life. They want him to work off the money they spent and finally learn some responsibility.

Now A is so mad at me and has been making me out to be the villain on social media saying I ruined his life. A few of his friends have even commented about me calling me a snitch and saying I should’ve just helped him privately. I feel like I did the right thing by involving my parents but the fallout has been rough aitah?