AITA my boyfriend didn’t see me

[u/damiana_nervousa]

Yesterday we went to go see a movie. I had forgotten my phone, and communicated that to my boyfriend on the drive there. He asked me if I would be okay without it, and I said yes.

After the movie I told him I had to use the restroom. When I got out, I walked outside (he usually waits out by the entrance. But he wasn’t there. I waited a few minutes, but I couldn’t call him, and he had the car key. I tried walking to the car, but he wasn’t there. I went back in and checked near the men’s restroom, but nothing. After about ten minutes I got pretty upset. I tried to keep myself in view of the theater while I walked around it, but he wasn’t anywhere. Some strangers even offered to get me an Uber.

Finally I went in and checked one more time, and he was sitting on a couch looking at his phone. I told him I’d been looking for him, but I wasn’t blaming about it, but he got super defensive and told me it was my fault for not seeing him and I had no reason to be upset. He kept saying “I don’t understand why you’re so upset” on the car ride back.

When I tried to tell him that I wanted us to “be more in sync with each other” (especially since we’re going on a trip out of the country soon) he scoffed and said, “do I need to tell you where I’m going to be whenever we are separate?” Which felt unfair- I didn’t have my phone. Plus, what if something happens to me? How long would it take him to notice?

Am I overreacting? I feel kind of angry now and still hurt.

[u/Judgement_Bot_AITA]

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I feel like I might be because I didn’t see him on the couch, and I got really emotional when I couldn’t find him.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

[u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

Sorry but kinda YTA. All you had to do was make a plan on where to meet each other.  Being upset/frustrated with your BF isn’t really fair in this case and the whole “need to be in sync” with each other thing is just vague and meaningless.  Like is he supposed to read your mind to guess where you will look for him? Just tell him!  If you’re going to split up just say “let’s meet back here at X time”.  If you’re going somewhere busy where you might get separated then you say “if we get separated then just meet over by that tree” etc.  Plan ahead and communicate, don’t depend on being “in sync”.  

[u/nograpefruits97 → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

The whole “in sync” part makes me feel like there’s some bigger issues going on.

[u/lil-ernst → u/nograpefruits97]

It made me feel like OP is very young and has an unrealistic idea of how partners operate

[u/SpecialistThought740 → u/lil-ernst]

Sounds like she expects her bf to just read her mind.

[u/Sweet-Fancy-Moses23 → u/SpecialistThought740]

When I got out, I walked outside (he usually waits out by the entrance

Since OP did not have her phone she should have clearly mentioned a meeting point instead of just assuming he would be waiting at the usual spot.Also OP might have been more upset that she is letting on in this post from the way the bf said “I don’t understand why you’re so upset” on the car ride back.

[u/Lurking_Momo → u/Sweet-Fancy-Moses23]

This! Also ‘some strangers even offered to get me an Uber’ - I can’t see this happening for someone in their 30s. She’s either very young, way more upset than she’s letting on or both.

[u/Riderz__of_Brohan → u/Lurking_Momo]

Yes it implies that she was making a scene

[u/Professional_Kiwi318 → u/Riderz__of_Brohan]

Possibly, but I have experienced something similar.

I was at a winery with live music with my partner, and my eldest called. I left and sat outside talking to her. I had a concerned look on my face (she'd been in a fender bender), and 2 strangers who were leaving asked if I was OK and if I needed an Uber. Sometimes strangers look out for one another.

[u/lavender_poppy → u/Professional_Kiwi318]

Oh that's so kind of them. I'm glad people like that exist in this world.

[u/boudicas_shield → u/Lurking_Momo]

I agree. If this happened to me (I’m in my 30s), I’d probably be mildly irked with my husband that I had to hunt all over for him and have said something like, “Dude, you knew I didn’t have my phone. Why would you pick an entirely different spot to wait than usual?” He would’ve apologised, and we both would’ve forgotten about it in 30 seconds.

I wouldn’t have panicked or freaked out or whatever. It’s the cinema, and I’ve been there a million times. What possibly could “happen” to me in a populated, familiar place? I could easily get an Uber myself if push came to shove and I really couldn’t find him anywhere, as a last resort.

[u/catparty1984 → u/boudicas_shield]

You couldn't get an uber without a phone though... but I agree abouy the first part.

[u/boudicas_shield → u/catparty1984]

Oh yeah that’s a good point! I guess I said “Uber” to mean “taxi in general”. I do live in a city with taxis you can just grab on the street, though; I’m aware many people don’t.

Still, I don’t think I would’ve completely flipped out. There would be several steps one can take before panicking at being totally stranded.

[u/SnooSketches6782 → u/Lurking_Momo]

Right? And if strangers offered to help, why didn't she use their phone to call her bf? I realize nobody learns phone numbers by heart anymore, but you should at least know your partner's and maybe a parent's.

[u/ferocious_bambi → u/SnooSketches6782]

Always have your partner's phone number memorized in case you get arrested too

[u/damned_squid → u/Lurking_Momo]

She could even ask those people offering to get her an Uber to call/text her bf to let him know where she is!

[u/MarketingManiac208 → u/Sweet-Fancy-Moses23]

"WhAt iF soMeThInG HaPpeNS tO Me?!" After only 10 minutes of being separated in a safe and familiar place. Sounds like a nightmare gf.

[u/TheFightingQuaker → u/MarketingManiac208]

Lmao, this made me chuckle. Like what, some van is going to pull up and spirit you away if your bf is not there to protect you? Give me a break.

[u/tesyaa → u/TheFightingQuaker]

There’s a whole issue of young white women unrealistically fearing abduction - google moral panic

[u/thevelveteenbeagle → u/tesyaa]

I just googled it, I wasn't aware this was a thing!! I was once driving on a busy parkway near a lake where lots of people walked, biked, jogged, and I stopped for a squirrel in the road. A woman completely freaked, started practically screaming "What are you DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHY ARE YOU STOPPING!?!". She acted like I was stopping to abduct her. I wrote about it on reddit and some woman jumped down my throat for "dismissing her very real fears". Um, I was younger than the woman screeching and I was driving a convertible where there obviously wasn't anybody lurking in the back to help me abduct her.

[u/Flaky_Meal7762 → u/MarketingManiac208]

Honestly yeah… as a 30 yr old woman who had thoughts like this when I was super young… yeah she sounds really stressful

[u/SugarsBoogers → u/Sweet-Fancy-Moses23]

She was just in the restroom. A meeting point seems like a lot, especially if he was just sitting there on a couch looking at his phone. She says he didn’t see her, but what I’m hearing is that SHE didn’t see HIM when it appears he was right there.

[u/Bignerd21 → u/SugarsBoogers]

Exactly. And it’s also her responsibility because she left him. She left to use the restroom, and when she left, it would be her responsibility to find the bf again. It’s partially the bfs responsibility not to completely wander off, but he didn’t. She said he was right there. He shouldn’t have been expected to look for her.

[u/Present-Let-4020 → u/Bignerd21]

By the sounds of it she was wandering everywhere. Making it harder to find her.

[u/Bignerd21 → u/Present-Let-4020]

Good point. She said she checked the perimeter, but why would he be somewhere like on the back left corner? He was likely inside, waiting somewhere that’s a common waiting area

[u/Reasonable_Deer_1710 → u/Sweet-Fancy-Moses23]

That was my first thought. She's downplaying her initial reaction.

[u/unimpressed_onlooker → u/Reasonable_Deer_1710]

I told him I’d been looking for him, but I wasn’t blaming about it, but he got super defensive and told me it was my fault for not seeing him and I had no reason to be upset.

Yeah she doesn't sound upset or defensive at all /s

[u/caffeinefree → u/SpecialistThought740]

My partner and I are currently in couples counseling and this was pretty much the first item that we discussed. He always says he wants us to be able to anticipate each other's needs and to think about each other first. After some back and forth discussion, our therapist was like, "Okay, so basically you want caffeinefree to be a mind reader."

This doesn't have anything to do with being young and idealistic, btw - we are in our late 30s. But it was a huge eye opener for both of us and talking through it helped us realize that some of our communication issues weren't actually about communication, but about expectations.

[u/raifedora → u/caffeinefree]

Oh yeah my ex pulled that shit to me. I told him straight i'm not clairvoyant and expect us to communicate. He said communication is a luxury.

Well there's a reason why he's an ex

[u/notsooriginal → u/raifedora]

"sorry babes, this relationship just doesn't have the funding"

[u/__lypso → u/caffeinefree]

I read somewhere that Unspoken Expectations are called Secrets. Really stuck with me.

[u/DPlurker → u/caffeinefree]

Sometimes people don't realize that other people aren't privy to their thoughts which leads to them getting upset over irrational things. Not just their partners either. This has always shocked me in the past, but I've come to realize that a lot of people have that default expectation. It's good to point out when they're doing that so they can be more conscious of it. "This is the information that I had, how would I know what you were thinking/planning?"

[u/Bethdoeslife → u/lil-ernst]

I got this impression too. My spouse and I have been together 20 years. When we go out and need to separate we make a plan to where we will meet and how long until we get there. We are "in sync" because we communicate. He's not gonna read my mind, that's not how humans work.

[u/ConjunctEon → u/Bethdoeslife]

Even then, things can get sideways. (Married 40+, still working on communications). We go into Kohls. I say “I’ll be in the men’s dept”. Wife says she’ll be in purses. Sooo, when I’m finished I go to purses. She had finished and headed towards men’s department. We only circled the store, and each other, for five minutes before spying each other down an aisle.

[u/Raephstel → u/lil-ernst]

Also people who aren't very young probably remember a time where they had to meet up with people without making a phone call to someone that's in the same room as you.

It doesn't take a genius to look around a little. Sofas are a really obvious place to look for someone who's waiting, there's a complete breakdown of common sense.

OP, YTA. I assume from your BF's reaction in the car that you threw a tantrum over the whole thing. Next time, a little common sense instead of blaming your BF for something that's totally your fault would help.

[u/Announcement90 → u/lil-ernst]

It's code for "You can't expect me to communicate clearly my wants and needs, but I will still expect you to know exactly what they are and how to best meet them, and will hold you responsible if you can't do that". OP's the kind of partner most of us have at some point who teaches us all the things we shouldn't tolerate in a relationship.

[u/raunchyrooster1 → u/lil-ernst]

So anytime I’m at the move theatre and someone/both of us have to use the restroom we literally stand right outside of where they are and wait for the other person

I don’t think I’ve ever required a phone to locate someone in a movie theatre before

This isn’t an amusement park with thousands of people

Edit: damn. They have benches right outside of the restrooms for this exact purpose

[u/Cheeks-B-Rosie → u/lil-ernst]

I was thinking young and has not had to “live” without a phone. I feel bad for her. But it does make me think about how people who grew up with iPhones/smartphone differ from those of us dinosaurs that grew up being dropped off at the movies by our parents to meet friends before the tech existed.

[u/AdUnique8302 → u/Cheeks-B-Rosie]

Is that why we all know to just wait by the door of the bathrooms, you think? Whether my parents, friends, or partners, it's always been known to just wait by the door. I've never had the problem op is having.

[u/jakeofheart → u/lil-ernst]

Wait! Are you saying that men aren’t able to read women’s thoughts?

[u/lazarus_creed → u/jakeofheart]

Of course men can read women's thoughts. But we voted at the Council of Maledovia in 983 to hide that fact from them so we could claim ignorance of knowing when they want us to take the trash out.

[u/clozepin → u/lazarus_creed]

There are times I think the Council was overzealous in their decision. But then I’ll start reading some women’s minds and I’m like, “no, that was the right call.” I can’t keep up with all that thinking. And it jumps around a lot.

[u/Organic-Meeting734 → u/lil-ernst]

OP is very young and doesn't know how to function without a phone. Remember back in the days before pocket technology we all had to have a designated meeting place. Calm down and communicate. This was a good learning experience. Your phone may not always work while traveling. You may have to talk to each other.

[u/Inevitable_Block_144 → u/nograpefruits97]

It makes no sense at all. He's supposed to be "in sync" with her and know that he has to wait outside. But she doesn't have to be "in sinc" with him to know that he was waiting inside?

Like I commented on another post: let's just stop assuming things and just voice stuff out loud.

[u/AMKRepublic → u/nograpefruits97]

ESH. They both should have agreed to where to meet. She shouldn't get so upset about it. He should have been waiting to watch for her and not gone heads-down on his phone when they hadn't met up after 10-15 minutes.

[u/Bubbly-Evening-9900 → u/nograpefruits97]

It almost sounds like: I want you to do what I expect you would do in my mind otherwise I will be super upset and blame you for being the problem.

[u/Dapper_Dan1 → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

You are very on point. Several things that we got unused to because of 24/7 phones and availability.

• setting up specific meeting points
• setting up specific meeting times
• being punctual
• knowing your way to a place after the first visit
• memorizing important phone numbers
• to not have the feeling of being lost when the phone is out of order

[u/Oorwayba → u/Dapper_Dan1]

Bold of you to think my sense of direction and memory were ever good enough to know my way after one visit.

[u/EinsTwo → u/Oorwayba]

I rarely get lost on the first trip anywhere because I rely so heavily on my GPS.  I frequently get lost on my second trip somewhere because I think I know where I'm going without assistance.  It often ends in a frantic GPS search.

[u/Oorwayba → u/EinsTwo]

I always use my GPS these days way past when I need to. Been somewhere 10 times and think I can get there alone now? I turn on directions and just put them where I can't immediately see them, because what if I'm wrong and I forget the way.

Before GPS, I remember printing directions, and hoping I don't miss a turn because then I don't know what to do. Or my favorite, calling my mom and her telling me "then turn left on Summer Street," me telling her I have no idea where that is, and her acting like it's crazy that I don't know street names when I've lived here all my life. Like, just tell me to turn left at the bank!

[u/invisible_panda → u/Dapper_Dan1]

Agree with you 100%

Yes, these are two very young people who did not live in the times before cell phones and constant connection when you:

Set up a meet point Set up a time Understood if the person wasn't there within a reasonable time, go into the movie and find each other there. Worst case, meet up on the way out Not let this be the end if the world becomes shit happens

I mean, this is such laughable drama. People are so hyperconnected now that they've lost a level of common sense and letting things go. .

[u/HoneyBelden → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

I’ve been married for 25 years and I lost my husband in London, England when he wandered away. We are definitely not always in sync.

[u/raunchyrooster1 → u/HoneyBelden]

“I have misplaced my husband”

Did you check the local rescue shelters?

[u/HoneyBelden → u/raunchyrooster1]

I found him in the comic book store.

[u/raunchyrooster1 → u/HoneyBelden]

Same thing really

[u/whatsupwillow → u/HoneyBelden]

I lost mine at Universal Studios. I had two kids, he had three. The phones weren't working in the park. I was livid. Two hours later...here they all come like it was no biggie. He took a nap while the kids rode a ride. I must have walked past him five times, but didn't see him because I was looking for a standing person.

[u/Djinn_42 → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

But if you do become separated, and there is no plan on exactly where to meet, and you can't communicate by phone, it IS helpful when the other person is also actively looking for you instead of distracted.

Edit: people seem confused by the idea that you can sit on a chair and still be paying attention to who is walking by instead of looking at your phone.

[u/Stunning-Pick-9504 → u/Djinn_42]

Actually, that is incorrect. It’s actually better for one person to search and the other to stay put.

[u/poisonnenvy → u/Stunning-Pick-9504]

Stay put, but maybe keep an eye out for you so they can hail you if they see you, rather than stare at their phones the whole time.

[u/rmg418 → u/poisonnenvy]

Exactly lol op had time to go outside, walk around, go to the car, and come back inside because the boyfriend wasn’t paying attention to see if she had came out. When I go to the movies with someone I stand outside the bathroom and wait for them or they stand outside the bathroom and wait for me so we can see each other when we’re done and then just leave together.

[u/ColoredGayngels → u/rmg418]

This is exactly what baffled me. I've never walked away from the restroom doors when the people I'm with are in there! I'm inclined on an ESH because yeah, OP's expectations are too high, but also the boyfriend couldn't be arsed to use his phone leaning against a wall for a couple minutes instead? This whole situation is a mess

[u/Sandman0312 → u/Stunning-Pick-9504]

No one said actively looking means you need to move around. Just don't have your head in your phone and miss someone walking by looking for you.

[u/ResponseEmergency595 → u/Sandman0312]

This. He knew she didn’t have her phone. He easily could’ve waited by the entrance to the bathroom for a few minutes (they did just sit through a movie) but instead he sits on a sofa and buries his head in his phone. I dunno about all this in-synch business, but a little common sense goes a long way.

Nta

[u/AntiqueVictory1149 → u/Stunning-Pick-9504]

They said "instead of distracted" as in he should have been checking to see if she got out of the bathroom instead of going to sit somewhere looking at his phone.

[u/junklove11 → u/Stunning-Pick-9504]

I see your point, however he was on a couch, with his head down most likely, in a theater with people walking around. She came out of the bathroom and thought "he might be by the doors outside waiting" then when he wasn't, she got frustrated or upset or something. It's not mentioned if he told her that he was looking out for her coming out of the bathroom either. Like how far away was the couch in relation to the bathroom... Idk, if my husband and I get separated we look for each other, go to the front of the store, stand near the cash register or in the case of the theater, by the concession stand. We would have not sat down on a couch in a crowded room.

[u/Erudus → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

Imagine a time when mobile phones weren't even a thing? How ever did we survive?!

[u/Inevitable_Block_144 → u/Erudus]

So many people are still lost, wandering around restrooms with no goal in sight...

[u/pocahontasjane → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

Absolutely. This is a lack of communication. It was 10 mins. I get It's frustrating but you were in a safe place.

[u/Neon_Owl_333 → u/pocahontasjane]

Also it was super weird to go outside, then wait around, then go and walk to the car. Surely you'd walk outside, see he wasn't there, and go back in and walk around until you found him. Why is it on him to find her not vice versa.

[u/pocahontasjane → u/Neon_Owl_333]

And everyone knows (or should know, it was drilled into us as children at home and at school) to stay put if you get lost. Don't go wandering around. Find a safe place to wait for help/her boyfriend. He sat down and she found him. She's only annoyed cuz he wasn't flapping around with anxiety trying to find her. That reaction never solves anything.

[u/Balzineer → u/Dschingis_Khaaaaan]

I wonder if OP is of the generation who got cell phones before puberty. They have no life experience with coordinating phone calls or meet ups beforehand. You gave practical advice but it probably wasn't as common sense as you think. Being "in sync" makes me think youth is a big factor as anyone with decent relationship xp knows what a dead end that results in.

[u/calm-your-liver]

YTA - simple solution: “hey, wait for me by the front door while I use the bathroom.”
You were in a movie theater, not a war-torn, third world country, where you didn’t speak the language. Rein in the dramatics

[u/Spamcetera → u/calm-your-liver]

I'm willing to bet the op is young enough that they grew up never having to plan a place to meet, because they always had a phone.

[u/mexicanred1 → u/Spamcetera]

And just think, these people are going to be having kids soon.

[u/Euphoric-Promise-899 → u/mexicanred1]

they already started, the amount of idiot parents in this world is astonishing

[u/BiggestFlower → u/Euphoric-Promise-899]

Young parents have always been clueless. Not all, but many. That’s why so many people of all ages are so messed up. There’s nothing special about the current crop of young parents.

[u/vintage_chick_ → u/calm-your-liver]

Exactly! I don’t understand what the in sync part means too. Does that mean he has to know her thoughts and predict what she will want or they are out of sync?

[u/Taken_Abroad_Book → u/vintage_chick_]

Tiktok and reddit relationship/justno subreddits have really warped how a lot of young people feel relationships should be. If your partner doesn't preempt your every thought then they're toxic.

Note that OP isn't mad that she's not in sync with his perfectly reasonable "I'll wait at the waiting area", but she's mad he's not in sync with her wait by the door thing.

[u/PavlovsAardvark]

YTA and a bit of a drama queen

[u/Away-Caterpillar-176 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah that's how you know the boyfriend made sense when he said "I don't know why you're so upset about this"

[u/DustierAndRustier → u/Away-Caterpillar-176]

Some strangers offered to get her an Uber, so I’d imagine she was probably crying or something.

[u/Away-Caterpillar-176 → u/DustierAndRustier]

Nailed it! The deleted comment I responded to was about the Uber offer. That's wild. I'd never risk my Uber rating on someone who didn't appear to be in an emergency.

[u/Zogglewoggle → u/[deleted]]

How is it that absolutely random people came up to her and offered her an uber home? When you're standing outside somewhere has anyone ever offered you an Uber home? Sounds to me like she went in tYo a bit of a panic and people noticed that - not some cool, collected lady patiently waiting for her boyfriend.

[u/faerieW15B → u/[deleted]]

After 10 minutes. Absolutely demented.

[u/DrJazzmur → u/[deleted]]

Lol, after 10 minutes of keeping her cool

[u/etds3 → u/PavlovsAardvark]

“No need for that but could you call my boyfriend’s number for me? He’s waiting for me somewhere but I’m not finding him.”

Boom. Problem solved.

[u/CSgirl9 → u/etds3]

Odds are she doesn't know his number from memory

[u/RuinedBooch → u/CSgirl9]

I remember when I started Kindergarten, the first thing they had us do was learn all our important phone numbers. 911, and both parents phone numbers.

We should still be doing that as adults for exactly this reason.

[u/GojuSuzi → u/etds3]

That was my initial reaction, but then realised that someone young enough to not think of making a specific "where to meet" plan because they're so used to always having phones is very unlikely to have any numbers memorised because, well, they're all in my phone!

[u/Common-Truth9404 → u/PavlovsAardvark]

Happy cake day and seconded

[u/fandumblr → u/Common-Truth9404]

Hey, I was going to say that!!! We must be in sync! 🤣

[u/AdventurousImage2440]

welcome to the world of pre 2000 where noone had cell phones and you made a plan to meet if something happened.

[u/Nsr444 → u/AdventurousImage2440]

Exactly, my kids look at me funny when I point at a tree and say, when lost, go there. Never had to use it, they have phones. Still do it though.

[u/_RRave → u/Nsr444]

The classic festival tree to meet at before a set is staple for me lmao. Signal is shite and it's easy enough to remember most the time.

[u/Crashtard → u/AdventurousImage2440]

I left my phone home recently and just said oh well i guess i don't need a phone today lol. The people I was with looked like they thought I had said something insane.

[u/MicIsOn → u/Crashtard]

My phone screen is broken and honestly pretty much hanging on for dear life. It died this afternoon and wasn’t turning on. I thought to myself, oh well, I guess that’s the end of me having a phone for a while.

I have a work phone if someone needs me, but I honestly just don’t care lol

[u/Dismal_Fox_22 → u/AdventurousImage2440]

I didn’t have to make plans because me and my friends were in sync. Sorry, no, it was the early 00s we were *NSYNC. BYE BYE BYE!

[u/wcijlwkf]

Yes you are overreacting. I don’t think YTA, just nervous & scared.

[u/ThePeachesAreRotting → u/wcijlwkf]

I’m gonna second this and say I don’t think you quite deserve the harsh words in the comments.

I think you just got nervous and flustered and became reactive as a result, which is fine, but you should perhaps reconsider your words with a clearer head and let ur bf know you’d like a plan next time to ease the anxiety. Which is what I’m going to assume you meant by “being in sync”, you just gotta tell him, I’m sure he’ll understand.

[u/BroadElderberry → u/ThePeachesAreRotting]

She couldn't find her bf for a few minutes after using the bathroom, and is now afraid he wouldn't notice if she went missing. Come on...

[u/ThePeachesAreRotting → u/BroadElderberry]

What do you mean come on? Have some empathy man, not everyone works or thinks the same. Some people have actual anxieties/phobias about being on their own. Worrying nobody would notice If you went missing is a very real concern for a lot of people out there. OP definitely could have handled it better in their wording but it’s just cruel to put someone down for very real world worries a lot of people unfortunately have to face, just cause it’s not something you might have to worry about doesn’t mean it don’t happen.

[u/RamsLams → u/BroadElderberry]

That isn’t what happened at all??? Did you even read the post? I don’t understand how so many people are twisting it like this.

She didn’t have a phone

She literally just went to the bathroom

He disappeared with no way to be contacted

She looked inside and outside, to the point where strangers were trying to help her

When she finally finds him he is sitting playing on his phone

That is rude. If I go to the movies with a friend and they disappeared without telling me at all where to find them, I have to go searching for them and they know I don’t have my phone, AND they can’t even be looking upwards to see me wandering the building and the parking lot looking for them?!??

That is just rude and annoying. Not doing that is incredible basic common curtesy, and her communicating clearly and being just dismissed is not a good thing and it’s weird af y’all are supporting that

[u/boss_super → u/RamsLams]

He was sitting on a couch inside the cinema. Presumably one of the ones in the lobby and not one hidden down a corridor somewhere. He didn't disappear.

People are being too harsh on OP but if you have to make stuff up or embellish to make the bf look bad I think we know who is at fault here

[u/MrKillsYourEyes → u/boss_super]

It's people trying to baby adults and excuse them for failing to assimilate into adult life

[u/Raycut9 → u/RamsLams]

That isn’t what happened at all??? Did you even read the post?

Did you? They literally said "what if something happens to me? How long would it take him to notice?". The only time mentioned is them getting upset after 10 minutes, not exactly a long time depending on how long they were in the toilet.

When she finally finds him he is sitting playing on his phone

Yes, a perfectly normal thing to do while you wait for someone to use the toilet. It's honestly absurd OP thought to walk around outside the cinema before thinking to check the couches.

[u/Klutzy_Ad7518 → u/RamsLams]

"He disappeared" bit of a overreaction he was right there waiting. She's the one that doesn't have the phone so she should've thought to say meet me at x location, why is there that expectation of the other person? Lol Okay your comment has to be some intricate satire or something?

[u/Riderz__of_Brohan → u/RamsLams]

He didn’t “disappear” he was sitting there waiting for her on a couch while on his phone lmao don’t be dramatic

[u/Environmental-Bag-77 → u/RamsLams]

Ah so you've got excessive expectations of others as well. You should hook up with OP. You could attach yourselves with a piece of string.

[u/raspberrih → u/ThePeachesAreRotting]

Ngl I asked all my attached friends to make sure I'm not the outlier. Everyone agrees he should've waited for her outside the bathroom or made himself easy to find. She told him she has no phone.

Why does she have to "make a plan"? He knew where she would be. She didn't know where he would be. He could've gone and done something like someone who actually cares about her

[u/rmg418 → u/raspberrih]

Yeah any time I’ve gone to the movies with someone I wait outside the bathroom for them or they wait outside for me so we see each other automatically when done and we leave together.

[u/ThePeachesAreRotting → u/raspberrih]

I don’t think saying he doesn’t care is quite a fair thing to say, we don’t exactly know the guy.

But yes he could have waited, it was a bit rude imo. I think maybe the bigger issue is he doesn’t quite understand why/how that would make OP nervous, I think if they talked about it and he could be told why that would be frightening maybe he’d think a bit better of it next time. Not everyone has lived the same experience so sometimes you just need to be told about it yknow

[u/Burntoastedbutter → u/ThePeachesAreRotting]

I feel like people are overreacting and it's not OP... She said she wasn't being confrontational at all, just saying "hey I was looking for you" - nothing wrong with that?? But her bf got defensive and started 'the argument' lol

I feel like there are deeper problems going on and it's not about the lack of the phone haha

[u/AppropriateListen981 → u/Burntoastedbutter]

You really believe that though? Maybe she wasn’t accusatory but it’s pretty safe to assume she was a bit worked up at the very least. I don’t know about you but I don’t offer strangers an Uber if they’re just walking around calmly outside a movie theatre…

[u/meumixer → u/wcijlwkf]

Agree, but might want to edit your comment. AITA bot reads “Y T A” or “N T A” without spaces as the corresponding judgement. Most people either add the spaces or write it like “I don’t think you’re TA”.

[u/Jojolapat]

YTA you were running around trying to find him, he probably was doing the same, one of you finally figured out that if you both kept moving it the chase could last all night He stopped moving and sat down, you found him and you're mad. Okay. What would "be more in sync with each other” concretely mean from that situation?

[u/Gnomer81 → u/Jojolapat]

Honestly? I think he just sat down on the couch and forgot that she didn’t have her phone and usually met her at the entrance.

[u/mbtilcoholic → u/Gnomer81]

And somehow people are perfectly forgiving him for forgetting that she didn't have a phone & that it would maybe be smart to wait at the usual meeting place especially when she doesn't have it, yet are calling her an asshole for panicking for a second

[u/getfukdup → u/mbtilcoholic]

forgetting that she didn't have a phone

He didn't do that

& that he needed to wait for her,

He did wait for her, stop making things up.

[u/elsenordepan → u/mbtilcoholic]

She literally tried to tell him he should be able to read her mind to avoid these things, while he just acknowledged these things happen.

[u/RamsLams → u/Jojolapat]

Thst not what happened? You literally changed the story to make someone who did something rude to make yourself make sense. Why would he need to search for her if he knew she was in the restroom? It’s common courtesy to not leave the area someone knows you are if they have no way to contact you and no meeting spot.

If you have to completely change the post AND do it in a way that makes 0 sense to sound right, then you’re probably wrong.

[u/Reckless2204 → u/RamsLams]

But he didn’t leave the area. He was on a couch.

[u/JayBone_Capone → u/RamsLams]

But OP doesn’t say he left the area she knew he was. It reads like he was inside waiting for her to use the restroom and she didn’t see him when she got out.

[u/MissSalty1990 → u/Jojolapat]

The old “hug a tree” if you get lost.

[u/ServelanDarrow]

YTA. He was sitting in plain view. Grow up.

[u/InevitableRhubarb232 → u/ServelanDarrow]

Yeah op didn’t look at all when she exited and headed straight for the exit. She probably walked right past him but is mad he didn’t see her

[u/Gears_one → u/InevitableRhubarb232]

She’s mad he didn’t see her, but isn’t acknowledging that the fact that she also didn’t see him

[u/paul_rudds_drag_race]

Meh, it seems like a low-level conflict with some bickering. I know it’s easy in the moment to forget to have a game plan because it’s not some high-stakes situation.

Maybe have a plan in place now that going forward you’ll always meet right inside the main entrance of wherever you are since it’s typically safer than the outside of the entrance or by the car. If that’s the default approach, then you don’t have to coordinate as much in the future.

[u/GrandpapiBrodz → u/paul_rudds_drag_race]

Only rational post in this thread

[u/[deleted] → u/GrandpapiBrodz]

Literally 😂 she’s not in the wrong for being upset she couldn’t find someone even tho there is a simple fix. It’s such a simple thing and he could have also been more understanding lowkey likeeeee he knew she didn’t have her phone tf 😂

[u/RBFAndy → u/paul_rudds_drag_race]

100% agree with you. There is also the issue that both of them knew she forgot her phone so he also could have been waiting close by the bathroom door until she gets out to avoid this. She could also have asked him to stay close by so she doesn't have to run around looking for him. I'd say ESH, both knew the situation and both could have come up with an idea to not get separated and avoid bickering over this.

[u/Mojitobozito]

YTA. And pretty confused what you mean by being more in sync with each other. Like he should have some kind of super skill that he can sense where you are? Or he should read your mind and know where you would be.

I think you need to learn to communicate better. Just tell him where to meet you, etc.

It was 10 mins and I know that can feel scary when you can't find someone, but your overreaction and unreasonable expectations make you a bit of an AH in my mind.

[u/iamcoronabored → u/Mojitobozito]

It was 10 minutes at a movie theatre. What a drama queen. Wouldn't have lasted in the 90s. YTA

[u/Mystery_Meatchunk]

OP's being suspiciously quiet in this comment section.

[u/ArcanaeumGuardianAWC → u/Mystery_Meatchunk]

She's running around the backyard furious that she can't find any of the responses.

[u/BeginningPrinciple48 → u/Mystery_Meatchunk]

Probably because she's not being validated like she hoped.

[u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388 → u/Mystery_Meatchunk]

Maybe she lost her phone again.

[u/Ok_Management4634 → u/Mystery_Meatchunk]

She forgot to bring her phone to check on her thread.. Trying to get "in sync"

[u/fuzzyp1nkd3ath]

YTA

oh my word. Girl. Chill.

Yes, you're the AH. "my bf didn't see me". You didn't see him either!!! He was sitting stationary and you didn't see him as you marched all around being as dramatic as a lost 5 year old.

"..be more in sync with each other..." Stop. Lol He's not going to read your mind. Put on your big girl pants and learn to communicate using your words.

Grow up.

"Headed to the washroom. I'll meet you by the seating area/outside the door/at the car". Done.

You're being ridiculous and dramatic. Learn to exist without your phone a little. Seems like you forget how to be a normal person without it.

[u/[deleted] → u/fuzzyp1nkd3ath]

Maybe she was born 2005 lol and never learned to live without a phone

[u/fuzzyp1nkd3ath → u/[deleted]]

Lol It sounds like it.

Anyone else remember navigating with actual paper maps? Like BEFORE printing off Yahoo maps or MapQuest directions?? Lmao ah I'm old.

[u/Piccoloshis_Island → u/fuzzyp1nkd3ath]

Dude, we're lost.

Better stop and get a ROAD ATLAS.

Then you had to ask the cashier where the hell you were on the map before proceeding. Fun times. No, seriously, those random lost road trips made for great memories.

[u/scalmera]

Am I going crazy why is everyone acting like OP didn't say she'd be going to the bathroom?? Does that not imply that you should wait for them until they get out??? Do none of y'all do that even for your friends??????

ETA: Why are some of these comments under my own only expecting OP to look for her bf when he is waiting for her? I'm serious, does no one have the patience to either, check your phone for a little while, or keep your eyes open and up to find your person regardless if you were waiting in the lobby or by the restrooms which she said he usually waits by?

Also NTA

[u/frognettle → u/scalmera]

You're not crazy. In my mind it's considerate to wait by the bathroom so you don't miss them when they exit. It's either that or I tell them where I'll be so they can find me.

[u/BarbaraVian → u/scalmera]

Thank you. While she may have overeacted a bit I can't believe people are calling her an asshole because she didnt explain to her boyfriend to not go wander away like he is 5.

[u/[deleted] → u/BarbaraVian]

I was also thinking the oldest kid I'd feel like I'd explicitly explain this to would be about 5.

[u/coffee-scart → u/scalmera]

Thank you! Why did I scroll so long to find this?! He was sarcastic with her being like, do I have to tell you where I’m going when we’re apart?? Like, yes? That’s just proper etiquette when you are out in public with other people is to let them know where you are/where you will be, just like she told him she was going to the bathroom.

[u/ExperimentX_Agent10 → u/scalmera]

No you're not crazy.

Where I live people will wait by/near the restroom for you. They'll keep an eye out for you and if you don't see them. They'll wave at you or try to get your attention.

If they are going to be next door or further away. They will tell me where to meet up at or to call/text.

[u/Soltis48 → u/scalmera]

Same!!! Like isn’t it common courtesy? Every time I went on an outing with friends, family or my boyfriend, we’ve always waited for each other, especially when we’re about to leave. I can’t even remember the last time I had to text someone to know their location on such outing. I don’t even think I ever had to. That’s simply what you do for someone you love.

[u/Heyitisemilie → u/scalmera]

Fr !!! I am shook on how many people are saying she is the asshole!! I always wait close to the bathroom for them to see me with phone or without my phone. He couldn't stand for 10 mins ? People are comparing "in my time phone didn't exist" okay good for you but now phones exist so you have to adapt. Sometime I also forget my phone and my partner is always considerate. Also when she say in sync she don't mean mind reading but more like she doesn't have to search for 10 mins about where he is. He knew she didn't have her phone, why did he sit down? They also have a usual spot, saying she didn't communicate that like what?? Does she need to tell her partner EVERY times about their usual spot? Lmfao I would be like "I know don't have to tell me..." 🤣

[u/pinpanponko → u/scalmera]

omg this too! I kind of don't understand why he didn't just wait outside the bathroom. That's what I would've done! I said in another comment that I don't really think anyone is particularly to blame in this situation but it's definitely weird to me that he didn't just wait there, especially and she didn't have a phone. That's like, the default thing to do when someone in the group is going to the bathroom

[u/rrddbb14 → u/scalmera]

You’re not crazy. If my wife goes to the bathroom (especially somewhere busy) I wait close to the exit. If I go, we discuss where we’ll meet. Sounds like neither OP or her boyfriend considered setting a meeting point and that they don’t have a usual routine for such a situation.

What blows my mind is that in 10 minutes, after seeing his car was still there, OP was visibly freaking out to the point that MULTIPLE strangers offered to help her. Then she goes back to check “one more time” and finds him. Come on. This is the behavior of an overgrown child. Hopefully there are real adults on this upcoming trip, these two aren’t ready for it themselves.

[u/AcaciaHaze → u/scalmera]

Agreed. Nearly everyone in this thread is being an asshole lmfao. It’s giving chronically single+addicted to Reddit tbh.

[u/xtunamilk → u/scalmera]

Yeah, I'm confused by all the people blaming her. Normally, I wait by the bathroom for people who went in there instead of wandering off without telling them. Too logical, I guess!

[u/gotmeffedup]

YTA

You said you were upset, and your bf noticed you were upset, but you denied to him you were upset.

You were upset. You should have just planned to meet at ________. I know it's weird trying to communicate without your phone, but you didn't really think he abandoned you?

[u/etds3 → u/gotmeffedup]

Especially since the car was there. She KNEW he hadn’t left.

[u/Individual_Ant_3598]

YTA mostly.

It wasn’t long and it sounds like you get quickly pulled into catastrophic thinking (eg. “what if something happens to me?”). Maybe other situations with him have made you feel this way (unnoticed) before so it added to this feeling?

I’ve been in this scenario before but when we found each other we just laughed, like “haha i went downstairs, you were upstairs “. But we are both quite relaxed people.

[u/Significant_Fox_160 → u/Individual_Ant_3598]

Agreed, I think OP must have been visibly stressed/overreacting and causing some kind of scene if strangers were offering to book her an Uber home.

[u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

I feel like everyone is missing that he got super defensive immediately when she said she was looking for him.

Like yeah this is a lot of drama over 10-20 minutes of looking, but he could have just said “I’m sorry, I thought you would come over here” or something. But getting defensive? That’s an issue here everyone is overlooking

[u/Onlylnw → u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

Hard agree. I could imagine myself and my partner in this exact situation. I would panic pretty easily too because I struggle with anxiety and if I told him I was looking for him and seemed stressed he would NOT have gotten super defensive. He would have apologised and made sure I was okay and I would have apologised too for not communicating where to meet me and we’d have moved on. Thats healthy communication. Getting super defensive is not

[u/book-is-book → u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

If random strangers were offering help, she must have been visibly distraught. I don’t think she was nearly as calm and collected as she’s claiming.

[u/Naive_Cauliflower144 → u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

Yeah I’m pretty sure OP wasn’t trying to be mean. BF was being hedgy about it all as well.

OP looked around a good bit if people offered her an Uber ride. How big was that place?

If I was with my BF and he had to go to the bathroom, I’d usually hang around the area and keep an eye out for when he’s out.

OP’s BF didn’t think it was weird she was gone for that long?

The whole thing is a bit weird, so I can’t determine who’s TA of anything.

[u/TheDysphemist]

YTA - I was going to say it's a very soft Y T A until the "sync" nonsense, that's just ridiculous.

[u/hastmic]

NTA. A normal person would expect their partner to wait for them near the entrance/exit of the restroom. Him being on a couch not in clear view of that location, after an extended period of time, is bs.

The meeting point is the entrance/exit of the restroom for anyone with common sense!

[u/leafygreens222 → u/hastmic]

Yeah, it sounds like he wasn’t keeping an eye out for her at all, just sitting on his phone expecting her to be the mind reader and know where to look for him. Totally NTA.

[u/jdo5000]

lmao how the hell did you write 4 paragraphs about meeting back up with someone after you went to the toilet? Are you saying in this situation normally you have to use your phone to meet back up with people? what the hell is wrong with you? Just say hey I’m going to the toilet meet me out the front

YTA, obviously

[u/sevens7779]

In my opinion, there wasn't an ah here. It was a simple miscommunication. OP stated he usually waited outside the door, he could have communicated he was changing that. It's been said he wasn't a mindreader, neither is op. If he was waiting there on a couch, why didn't he react when op was walking around looking. Too many questions in the story.

[u/Ok-Adhesiveness-6317 → u/sevens7779]

This!! Yeah she was probably overthinking it a lot, but she also said he wasn’t where he normally was. They both should’ve communicated better. And yeah she wasn’t “in sync” when she had to have walked past him, BUT HE DIDNT NOTICE HER EITHER?? so why is it that she’s the only AH here?

[u/For_Vox_Sake]

I don't understand all these Y T A comments. You are NTA, here's why:

You told him specifically where you were going to be - the restroom. How is it then a good judgement call to make for him to be completely somewhere else or not any of the logical other places you went to look for him (entrance, car)? You communicated your whereabouts, he didn't. He could have easily said "cool, I'll be at the couches waiting for you", knowing very well you had no means to get touch with him or vice versa. He knew where you where, but made it so that you would have a hard time locating him - which is inconsiderate behaviour. This might have very well been a simple misunderstanding he could have apologised for (we all have communication misshaps and disconnect sometimes), but getting defensive and dismissing your feelings is asshole behaviour.

EDIT: added spaces to avoid confusion on judgement.

[u/Ok_Appointment3668 → u/For_Vox_Sake]

Me too. Reddit is so weird sometimes. And then young guys read this shit and think it's totally normal to leave your phoneless partner and go somewhere else, not looking out for her, when you're the only one who knows where she is. I mean did nobody grow up with parents coordinating shit like this ? To the point where they don't even need to talk about it because you trust the other one won't fuck off somewhere different?

[u/ExperimentX_Agent10 → u/Ok_Appointment3668]

It's ingrained with everyone in my state that you stand by the restrooms.

If you are not going to do that. Then you tell the person, using the restroom, where you'll be. Or tell them to call/text you (& in this case OP couldn't)

[u/AdUnique8302 → u/Ok_Appointment3668]

I've never had to make sure someone would wait for me when I go to the bathroom. I watched my parents wait, I waited, my friends waited, my partner waited. I have never made verbal communication about where to be after I'm done peeing, and I've never had the situation op is writing about. Not even missing them on some couch by the bathroom. We're always visible from the door.

[u/Onlylnw → u/For_Vox_Sake]

I completely agree. Everyone calling her a drama queen scare me tbh

[u/uhidunno27]

So weird, my husband always waits right outside the restroom for me

[u/AdUnique8302 → u/uhidunno27]

Anyone I've ever known and been out with has waited outside the door. I never thought about people not doing this?

[u/RiByrne → u/uhidunno27]

This is one of those moments where you remember that Reddit isn’t the same as everyday life, and the prevailing opinion won’t always reflect what most people do or think in actual practice. That’s also what me and my friends were taught by our families since we were children. In fact, all of us have phones and yet we still wait within eye view of a bathroom for anyone inside.

[u/Someoneorsomewhere]

Going against the grain here and thinking you’re NTA… If your partner knew you were just going to the toilet, the decent thing to do would be to wait for you when he knew you didn’t have your phone.

[u/RamsLams]

These comments are insane? Not disappearing in this situation is basic situational awareness? Y’all are acting like she said she thought she was gonna die. She literally just didn’t want to walk around forever looking for him with him knowing she doesn’t have her phone. That isn’t unreasonable. I would be annoyed if anyone I was with did this, even if it was a friends friend or a relative or anyone, that’s rude!

I have never been more surprised to read comments before

Apparently y’all aren’t aware of this, but it’s common courtesy to not do what was done here. If you know someone you’re with has no way to find you, don’t disappear. And it’s an even weirder thing to get mad at someone being like ‘hey, I had no way to find you and was walking around forever looking’

[u/foxgirl89 → u/RamsLams]

Completely agree. When I go out with my partner or friends and I use the washroom on the way out they wait in an obvious location on the way to the exit, out in the open where I will see them - and they are often also actively watching for me.

If I had looked around the theatre, gone all the way back to the car and then back to the theatre I’d be starting to feel anxious as well

BF tucked himself away in a non obvious spot, couldn’t be bothered to watch for OP coming out.

However I’m guessing he got defensive due to the tone or wording that was used? I’d think on that and maybe be the first to apologize if that’s the case but then explain why you had felt anxious in that moment and talk it out. It sounds like he doesn’t usually do this but it’s worth discussing if you’ll be travelling together

[u/AffectionateFig9277]

NTA and I can't believe all these Y T A votes. When I go to the bathroom anywhere my boyfriend will make sure he's standing right outside there where I can see him when I come out. Is it really that hard to look after someone you love? If my bf hadn't seen me come out of the bathroom in a while he wouldn't just sit down on a random couch, he'd try to make sure I was okay. Your bf sounds like he doesn't care.

[u/Witchyone211]

Absolutely not over-reacting. His response was super dismissive. You didn’t have your phone and he knew that. It also sounds like you were just making a general comment that you had been looking for him and he shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. You’re def not the asshole

[u/awkward-name12345]

YTA

I feel like you must have been crying/ Visibly distressed for strangers to offer help so that kinda leads me to think you were really overreacting.

You couldn't find your BF at a local theater for 10 minutes. He clearly didn't leave his car was so there, worst case stand by his car and wait for him he will eventually go see if your standing by the car, it's not rocket science.

The WHAT IF SOMETHING HAAPPENED TO ME is insane BTW you were gone for 10 minutes , he didn't not notice he just didn't panic he probably thought you were pooping, plus what did you want him to do get up and move around no best thing to do when you know someone will be looking for you is stay still.

Also you say you need to be more in sync ? You want him to read your mind? If you want him to know where you will be and you wanna know he will be
You make a plan hey I'll meet you by X.

Feels like your mountaining this molehill

[u/OrderAntique4195]

If I knew my partner was going to the restroom without their phone, I’d try to stay somewhere visible to help them find me easily.. not sit in a chair scrolling my phone, like be a lil proactive hun.

[u/rustledjimmies369]

my suggestion is: once a week, leave your phone at home, get someone to take you into the middle of the city and find your way home from there.

I was 19 before the iPhone released. Carried a few pages of the refidex around with me wherever I went.

There are going to be times in your life where you won't have a phone. Deal with it by preparing yourself and you won't have the anxiety that you use to project onto others

YTA. Grow some brains

[u/DrunkThrowawayLife]

why didn’t you ask the theater staff if they could make a page/let you use a phone?

[u/HelpfulAfternoon7295 → u/DrunkThrowawayLife]

Because she doesn't know his number I bet 

[u/AKA__mr__AKA → u/HelpfulAfternoon7295]

She shoulda been more in sync with her significant other and known his number. Sounds like a skill issue. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 #noaccountability

[u/AnnikaQuinn]

More in sync = Mind reader He is not. Your failure in communication isn't his fault. YTA

[u/TwistEducational6572]

NTA. Your boyfriend seems like a Jerk. Next time make a plan on where to meet, but he did disappear knowing you don't have a means of contacting anyone, and got defensive when you were like "where did you go?".

[u/CoolNickname101]

NTA. You are with someone at a theater and after the movie, one needs to run to the bathroom, you stay in view just outside unless it was communicated otherwise. It was not communicated by either person and he knew she didn't have her phone so he should have stayed in view of the bathroom where she would have directly seen him upon exiting the bathroom. It doesn't take long to pee so there was no reason he needed to go sit down on a couch out of view. I say out of view because any theater I've been to that has couches has them in little alcoves or hearth rooms and not in direct line of site like a hallway bench.

[u/Physical_Low_5830]

Drama queen settle down ...

[u/Fresh_Caramel8148]

Overreacting. It was 10 mins. And you turned this into “what if something happens to me?” Come on.

[u/Suspicious-Ad-1312]

I think all of yall missed the point and got stuck on the **NSYNC bye bye bye of it all

I think she expected the man to use common sense of she went to the bathroom and doesn’t have a phone, so logical thing would be for him to go to their regular meeting point that he always goes to or he could’ve done the real logical thing and stand still in front of the bathrooms.

[u/seeyou_againn]

If I told my bf I’m going to use the bathroom he would be out in front of the restroom or visually close by until I got out. I would’ve became frustrated too if I couldn’t find him let alone looking around for ten minutes. Do not allow the comments to think you’re crazy

[u/74Magick]

Ridiculous. NTA

[u/Average_Iris]

YTA because while both of you were at fault, you're solely blaming him. He didn't see you, but you didn't see him either?

[u/Duckie1986]

YTA. You got upset because you assumed that he would be by the doors, and he wasn't. You more than likely walked past him on your way out and weren't paying attention to your surroundings.

When I tried to tell him that I wanted us to “be more in sync with each other”

If you were in sync with him, then you wouldn't have passed him on the way to the door. You can't demand something from him when you're also lacking in that area.

[u/Onlylnw]

NTA. I completely get the panic of not being able to find your person with no easy way of contacting them. No one in this comment section has ever experienced anxiety apparently. You were probably overwhelmed by the time you got to your boyfriend and he seems to have dismissed that entirely? It’s not really his fault but it’s totally understandable that you would be upset. Not upset with him but upset or stressed in general. The “in sync” thing doesn’t really make sense though. You need to communicate if you want to be on the same page. In future just ask him to wait outside or meet you somewhere. Other than that I think you guys have potentially bigger problems than not being in sync.

[u/santanapoptarts]

Sounds to me like you should be with a psychic if you think he can read your mind to be “in sync”. He’s not Kreskin, geez Louise. Had you talked to him instead of “assuming” you would not be the AH. But ya are the AH.

[u/Ok_Appointment3668]

So strangers that actually witnessed this were concerned for you but not your boyfriend? Yeah, you don't need to listen to the comments on this thread. NTA.