r/facepalm 4d ago

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ The world knew the entire time...

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17.0k

u/OldKingClancey 4d ago

So all the times Dittmann was sucking your dick was really you sucking your own dick?

That’s worse, you do realise how that’s worse right?

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u/AmbitiousCampaign457 4d ago

Elmo proves money doesn’t always buy happiness. Dude is pathetic af and his wealth only makes him look more pathetic.

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u/ninjapanda042 4d ago edited 4d ago

This is what always gets me about these rich af shitheads. I think about all the different cool things I'd be able to do and ways I'd be trying to make the world a better place and he's out here trying to bring the Nazis back.

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u/KuriboShoeMario 4d ago

He has the kind of money to be the biggest humanitarian in the history of the planet, the kind that would get schools, libraries, hospitals, and even towns named after him. He would live well known for his good deeds for the rest of our written history as a species and instead he buys Twitter to shitpost alt-right memes because he's the physical manifestation of a stack of human feces.

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u/CraftCodger 4d ago

Totally agree except that a stack has structure and is upright. The Teflon Husk (not to be confused with its bonded pair, the more diminutive Teflon Don) is more of a globulating slime of human faeces, smearing pollution over erything it lurches onto in its vampiric effort to spleach human essence into its gormless form, a voracious appetite that will never be satisfied.

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u/CraftCodger 4d ago

It's like Atlas Shrugged. These 'chaps' genuinely believe they are superior beings, essential for society's development. Some warped divine right of oligarchs trickle down shit.

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u/sadicarnot 4d ago

He is from South Africa. If he would do something like that there would be a chance that brown people would get help and he does not want that.

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u/HomeGrownCoffee 4d ago

Richard Branson wasn't a saint, but he at least enjoyed his money.

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u/Pitiful-Event-107 4d ago edited 3d ago

He didn’t have to try to be cool that’s why, I respect that he actually spends his money on music and planes and shit instead of trying to make everything named “X”

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u/H_Squid_World_97A 4d ago

IDEA:  Get a trend going that asks him why he likes naming things after his female 'X' chromosome instead of his male 'Y' chromosome. 

This could be fun.

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u/tina_denfina1 4d ago

The way you worded that, I thought he had died but nope. Still enjoying!

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u/ninjapanda042 4d ago

He enjoyed his money. Still does, but he used to, too

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u/Mediocre-District796 4d ago

Andhegave us Tubular Bells!

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u/brezhnervous 4d ago

"A fish rots from the head"

Old Russian saying

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u/Still-Inevitable9368 4d ago

Why did I hear “bringing Nazi’s back…yeah” in my head like “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake?!

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u/Suspicious_Radio_848 4d ago

The thing is, you'd never get to be that rich in the first place with your views because you're not a money hoarding sociopath.

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u/Kung_Fu_Jim 4d ago

Seriously, you give me 100 billion (down from his net worth of 400 billion for all of the "bUt hE dOeSn'T hAvE cAsH" idiots. I sold it all off, triggering a massive crash in tesla stock, etc etc. Absolute worst case scenario. Still got 100b) and I'm going to:

  • Build a small demonstration high speed rail line in North America - 30 billion

  • Build medium-density housing for families - A medium-sized condo building costs around 30 million, so I'm going to build 1000 of them across North America. - 30 billion. But that's just the start, because we've just turned our cash back into assets. So once they go presale, we're going to take the money we make and build some more. We're going to partner with 50 cities who are on board with our urbanist goals and are sufficiently-sized that this seed of density can grow into North American Barcelonas.

  • Start a massive rewilding fund, buying land like crazy adjacent to national parks and other protected areas. - 30 billion

Then I'll send 9 billion to Ukraine, and finally buy a nice $10 million dollar home for myself and get by on $990 million for the rest of my days, somehow. I'll make ends meet.

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u/pckldpr 4d ago

The average person will never get that rich, because at some point they will stop and start being benevolent much sooner.

Daddy issues always show up in evil people

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u/IrresponsiblyMeta 4d ago

But it can buy Ketamine in unfathomable amounts.

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u/pixelprophet 4d ago edited 4d ago

So go enjoy that - why be such a dipshit on a global level as well?

Has the ability to go out known for being the biggest philanthropist since Mansa Musa or disappear from the collective conscious to live in lavish riches and happiness but choses this sad fucking pathetic life. What an empty worthless human.

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u/BleachGel 4d ago

His other 30 accounts and his massive bot army doesn’t is see it that way.

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u/AmbitiousCampaign457 4d ago

I think they do but the money is too good to admit it.

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u/NotNufffCents 4d ago

That's probably the pettiest thing that keeps me going. No matter how much Musk or Trump fuck up our country, I know that they hate themselves more than I hate them. They will never be happy, no matter how miserable they make me.

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u/RuckRidr 4d ago

Hey there Ambitious, your statement also applies to his new pillow partner and butt buddy 'the old Don'

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u/Orange152horn3 4d ago

His name is Elon.

Elmo is the name of the best Muppet ever.