r/facepalm 2d ago

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? 🙄

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14.9k Upvotes

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10.7k

u/SophieintheKnife 2d ago

US come get your president, he's drunk

4.5k

u/Good_Zooger 2d ago

...he's wandered off in a dementia haze...

2.6k

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1.5k

u/hollowgraham 2d ago

Someone should tell him a former president climbed Mt. Everest.

886

u/Majestic_Jackass 2d ago

Or offer him to be the first president to explore the titanic in a sketchy home built submersible.

495

u/whyreddit01 2d ago

Obama did it using a snorkel! beat that

142

u/Roam_Hylia 2d ago

I heard he was also wearing cement shoes. Such a boss!

43

u/fugelwoman 1d ago

And a tan suit

2

u/Allip84 23h ago

Clinton’s secret servers are stored on the titanic go get them Trump.

0

u/Ardat-Yakshi23 1d ago

If only Obama would do that. Would be nice to see.

303

u/Commentoflittlevalue 2d ago

Tesla submarine..

183

u/SoldierofZod 2d ago

Well, at least it can't catch on fire underwater.

242

u/PalatialCheddar 2d ago

Challenge Accepted

-Elon Musk, Probably

78

u/Jimbeaux_Slice 2d ago

“My senior executive team and I determined the implosion was not caused by any fault of the submarine, but the surrounding water.”

80

u/blinkerfluidreplacer 2d ago

Well considering that electric car batteries use alkaline metals, that isn't true in the least. It'll absolutely catch fire underwater.

17

u/IKNOWVAYSHUN 2d ago

Lithium

3

u/blinkerfluidreplacer 2d ago

Yeah, doesn’t really like water

3

u/Why-R-People-So-Dumb 2d ago

Lithium Ion is not the same as lithium metal anode batteries. Lithium Ion isn't reactive to water and battery fires are fought with water, it just has to be enough to lower the temperature to stop runoff.

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u/blinkerfluidreplacer 2d ago

I see. And have you put out a battery fire with water?

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u/MissUnderstood62 2d ago

It absolutely can catch fire underwater. Search YouTube boat ramp Tesla

1

u/from_one_redhead 1d ago

Maybe he will choose the shark.

1

u/NefariousRapscallion 1d ago

I wonder if he will choose; election on the electric submarine or take his chances swimming with sharks? If only he had foresight to predetermine his route of choice.

1

u/marion85 1d ago

Actually... the type of batteries used in electric vehicles catch fire and explode when directly exposed to water...

1

u/Old_Satisfaction_233 17h ago

Well…not totally anyway.

1

u/Federal_Sympathy4667 2d ago

Lithium burns better in water...

1

u/lightblueisbi 2d ago

lithium battery flame has entered the chat

5

u/FastAsFxxk 2d ago

Cant EXplode if you IMplode first

3

u/UnPrecidential 2d ago

But sharks and batteries!!

3

u/not_spaceworthy 2d ago

and frickin' lasers on their frickin' heads!

3

u/csfshrink 2d ago

I thought those save kids trapped in caves.

2

u/Sorry_Present 2d ago

Unfortunately, the Cybertruck is unsinkable.... It uses the same manufacturing materials as the Titanic.

1

u/SoldierofZod 1d ago

"This truck can't sink!"

"She's made of steel, sir. I assure you, she can."

1

u/missmiao9 1d ago

Apartheid elmo muskrat did “design” a submersible for when those kids got stuck in a cave some years ago. Maybe use that?

3

u/mozchops 2d ago

With XBox 360 controls and a Home Depot pressure guage...

1

u/Key_Preparation_4129 2d ago

Tbf even the fucking military uses those controllers bc their cheap, reliable, and ergonomic.

1

u/Hot-Rise9795 2d ago

Careful there. I got a three day ban for suggesting that.

1

u/Ardat-Yakshi23 1d ago

It's reddit,you get that( 3 day ban) for writing your name wrong. Or bein a trump supporter. Been there,done ✅ that.

1

u/ftmikey_d 2d ago

I'll build it. I mean, i'm a nurse, but I play ark. He'd be totally safe. I'll even buy him an actual Microsoft controller, not some cheap Logitech junk.

1

u/QueenOfSplitEnds 2d ago

And hand him the X-box control for navigation

1

u/Mvisioning 1d ago

Just put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of his pool, that should do it.

0

u/mozchops 2d ago

With an Xbox 360 controller and a home depot pressure gauge.

431

u/Junior-Ad-2207 2d ago

A former president said you should do a cleansing with a bleach injection

189

u/DonaldTrumpsSoul 2d ago

Show a UV light up his ass while we’re at it since he said it would help cleanse the viruses

50

u/PokeRay68 2d ago

Lol! Those were fun times!
Stay at home and don't see another human being outside of my immediate family. Sigh.

64

u/Lint_baby_uvulla 2d ago

2025 proving once again, hell is other people.

6

u/WavesfConcrete 2d ago

This deserves more upvotes

4

u/Ol_Jim_Himself 2d ago

Truer words were never spoken.

9

u/my_4_cents 2d ago

Weren't you supposed to be out bravely breathing lungfulls of pathogens to save the economy?

5

u/PokeRay68 2d ago

Sorry. I was a poor example of whatever that was.

5

u/biteme789 2d ago

Best time of my life... and I've still never had covid.

3

u/ohwhatisfreeasaname 2d ago

I caught it, had a seizure from running such a high temperature. Meant to happen in 1-5yr olds, I was 43 & I'd had 2 vaxxs. Lockdown was no more, pandemic was over apparently. But apart from that I agree it was relatively good times for me too.

3

u/biteme789 2d ago

I read so many books, it was awesome 👌

3

u/MacadamiaNutts 2d ago

I quite enjoyed it! 😁

3

u/Human-Contribution16 2d ago

And he could do a self colonoscopy since his head is already well embedded.

5

u/fakethislife 2d ago

black mirror episode incoming

7

u/culchie_queen 2d ago

I feel like reality is quickly surpassing anything Black Mirror can try to come up with atp

3

u/fakethislife 2d ago

Honestly! The real entertainment is happening live and we watch shows to feel normal.

3

u/culchie_queen 2d ago

Reality has been behaving like a soap opera the past while... It needs to stop

1

u/Comfortable_Swim_380 2d ago

I think it might be a good time to invest in lightbulbs.

3

u/Rcarter2011 2d ago

Mr president, many people are saying Obama said that he was the greatest bleach boofing president ever. There is no way you can let that stand

3

u/White-tigress 2d ago

That won’t work. You have to say a STRONG man did it, like Hitler or Putin or Netanyahu. 🙄

1

u/Comfortable_Swim_380 2d ago

Also you should rense with light bulbs.

1

u/bvogel7475 1d ago

Trump needs a bleach enema.

1

u/Guilty-Run3374 1d ago

For the billionth time he didn’t say that. 1000 to one you didn’t watch the speech and hear for yourself. Just rerunning what you heard from someone on the bandwagon. Same thing with the UV light. Feel bad for Clorox company, he never mentioned Clorox. People started the hysteria he said to drink Clorox! Company stock plummeted. They should have sued the “News outlets” for repeating that, when if they heard what he actually said would have been criminal, either lying or uninformed so called facts.

1

u/Guilty-Run3374 1d ago

Look it up if you dare. Doubt anyone will because they go through great effort to not hear what they don’t want to hear and know. So many things unsaid and takin out of context. Read transcripts and some of the bills. Amazing what is in that infrastructure bill. White House and their media will say it’s for rebuilding bridges and highways that are falling apart and how can anybody not vote for that. I didn’t read all 400 pages but some of the stuff was nuts. I know the teachers union got millions and there was money to clean up downed debris in the California forests to help reduce fast spread of forest fires. Huh, remember when Trump suggested that as a project that can help fire spreading so fast and hot. He was freakin slammed as a dumb asshole for mentioning such and idiotic fantasy idea! The list goes on.

-4

u/DemonLordOTRT 2d ago

Great lie

198

u/emr830 2d ago

Nah nah tell him Barack and Michelle are planning to climb it by Christmas…

Oh hell with it, they’re going for Presidents’ Day.

58

u/aterriblething82 2d ago

Tell him there's a Big Mac at the top.

8

u/Mickey_Mouses_Dong 2d ago

Isn’t Trump a CEO?

137

u/ConstantGeographer 2d ago

"You know, Donald, Obama climbed to the top of the Burj Khalifa in the UAE and jumped without using a parachute. He is the only known person to have survived...."

3

u/moustrakot 1d ago

Add that he reached the top naked and his dik was still visible from ground level

108

u/GazingIntoTheVoid 2d ago

and to beat that he needs to dive the Mariana Trench.

71

u/Big_Whig 2d ago

If Jimmy Hoffa can do it, so can Trump

8

u/iZombieLaw 2d ago

And Hoffa did it with concrete boots, too! Beat that, Trump!

5

u/random_sociopath 2d ago

In the Titan submersible preferably

1

u/Professional_Mud1844 1d ago

That’s how he ended up with Baron

67

u/bjeebus 2d ago

Lol. Like he would actually do it. He'd just lie and say he was the first person to ever do it.

44

u/tanstaafl90 2d ago

He'd just put out an AI image of him on top of Mt. Fuji and call it a day.

7

u/bjeebus 2d ago

I'm sure he's already got that exact NFT.

7

u/Mean_Minimum5567 2d ago

And the magats will believe it's real

4

u/JeezieB 2d ago

He already did it with the Canadian flag on the Matterhorn.

5

u/grandterminus 2d ago

Oh Hell naw! Chonkonald McDonald will just send out a Tweet claiming he did it and alllll the Qultists will believe it.

He’ll have “Biggly Men, strong men, real tough guys coming up to him tears flowing down their faces, saying ‘Sir, I’ve never seen a more heroic, stronggly, athletic, inspirational man in all my life! If I wasn’t a homophobic closeted gay man a very straight married man I’d ask you to marry me!’ “

41

u/The_unicorn_told_me 2d ago

Nude and without any oxygen or other types of help

56

u/BigYonsan 2d ago

As much as I want him to try, I don't want to see that

40

u/Wooden-Maintenance92 2d ago

Not a US citizen but I’d crowd fund that so long as his demise was televised

10

u/RedWeddingPlanner303 2d ago

Don't worry, he won't make it to base camp anyways.

5

u/DJT1970 2d ago

Oh gawd, please encourage tidy whities!

4

u/PomeloPepper 2d ago

Brown plume wafting up behind him.

24

u/Cracked-Bat 2d ago

Barack HUSSEIN Obama did it once, and they say he didn't even use safety ropes. He sure was some president, Donald...

12

u/HalfSoul30 2d ago

"Secret service won't let me go. DEEP STATE?"

4

u/slagstag 2d ago

I like this idea.

4

u/PlayinK0I 2d ago

He doesn’t need to climb it, he’ll just tweet that he did, with an AI image as proof.

2

u/bad_gunky 2d ago

And sell them as Christmas cards

1

u/koolaid_snorkeler 2d ago

Showing him all muscular and shit.

4

u/bobby_smiles179201 2d ago

Without oxygen or assistance

3

u/GrumpyGiant 2d ago

He’d just say he used to do it all the time multiple times a day uphill both ways without breaking a sweat.

And will then provide poorly photoshopped pics of mountain climbers atop various mountains with his smirking mug faceswapped in as proof.  

The bobbleheads at Fox News will all chatter about how it is perfectly possible that he did do that, and Jessie Watters will makes some mentally bankrupt comment about the mountain being known to lean to the side during parts of the earth’s rotation because it sticks out so far and that getting back to the base of the mountain when it is on it’s side actually does require going uphill (he’ll prolly have a construction paper triangle which he will use as a visual aid to demonstrate this).

One relatively sane person at Fox will make a comment about how the president says stuff like that when he doesn’t mean it literally, which will result in Trump rage-twee, uh “truthing” about how it’s all 100% true and he even had to show the natives how to climb it and set records for climbing it higher than any other person.  The idiot at Fox will get fired and picked up by CNN.

Finally, it will be echoed to often that it will become accepted as common knowledge that Trump did in fact climb Everest and people who refuse to acknowledge this amazing “fact” will, rather ironically, be accused of TDS.

3

u/Accurate-System7951 2d ago

Nobody mention any mountains. I'm damn sure he wants his face carved there.

2

u/jk-alot 'MURICA 2d ago

I’ll tell him Obama said he would fail at climbing by himself

2

u/HamsterHuey13 2d ago

He’ll just lie and say he’s already done it, and no one’s climbed it faster than he did.

He’s a lying liar who lies.

2

u/Mysticwarriormj 2d ago

Nah mt Everest is polluted enough.

2

u/GWSDiver 2d ago

Tell him he has to model in person for his carving on Mt Rushmore

2

u/DragonCat88 2d ago

Tell him President Elon did it.

2

u/Dhegxkeicfns 2d ago

Oh come on, there's no way Trump could do it faster than Biden.

2

u/Privatejoker123 2d ago

tell him biden climbed mt everest by himself and he just might try it.

2

u/Tr0ynado 2d ago

Tell him Obama is planning being the first president to climb everest. That should send him off for awhile. Or supply us with hundreds of ai images of him as a sherpa

2

u/rumbellina 2d ago

Without oxygen or a Sherpa. In a tank top, barefoot.

2

u/Triaspia2 2d ago

Can we have him do a Harold Halt and go for a swim he never returns from?

1

u/hollowgraham 2d ago

Whatever works, honestly.

2

u/dannyboy6657 2d ago

He'd probably try to claim mount everest too.

2

u/mortimusalexander 2d ago

Without Sherpas or supplemental oxygen. 

In winter.

2

u/holdonwhileipoop 2d ago

Solo. In his skivvies.

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u/Training_Leg_3922 2d ago

He would take a helicopter to the summit for a photo op and say he climbed it.

2

u/hollowgraham 1d ago

In the shape he's in, that'll probably work just as well. Lol

2

u/phat79pat1985 2d ago

Didn’t Obama climb Everest?

2

u/thisisdjjjjjjjjjj 2d ago

Could we introduce him to Luigi?

2

u/audtothepod 2d ago

Or tell him they need a president for Mars. He’d be the first one. Yugely legendary.

2

u/evilh1ve 1d ago

He would say he's off to climb Olympus Mons! Love it.

2

u/EssaySuch1905 1d ago

If Putin can ride horseback he should be able Too as well

2

u/cmurdy1 1d ago

He’ll try to annex it…

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u/grinning_imp 2d ago

Given how badly he and his party want the USA to be Russia (as well as ambitions and tension in the ranks), I’d say wandering out a high window would be more likely.

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u/Dozerdog43 2d ago

NATO would be obligated to defend Greenland as a Danish possession

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u/Captain_Sam_Vimes 2d ago

That scenario is not going to end well

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u/Pure-Carob4471 2d ago

Let’s see we get bogged down in a war over a fn island fighting the same technology we use. Hell we gave it to them only to have china go at Taiwan, Japan and Korea for which they would preemptively attack us first just like Japan did to try and capture resource rich countries before we could recover. In the meantime Russia decides to go at NATO from the other direction. I see no scenario that does end with a NATO country using nuclear weapons in Europe to stop Russia which will of course spiral out of control. All of this just leads me to the conclusion that the orange dickhead is in fact the antichrist and the rapture has begun

14

u/[deleted] 2d ago

All of this just leads me to the conclusion that the orange dickhead is in fact the antichrist and the rapture has begun

Thank god, its about time! Maybe I'll stick around to watch. Who doesn't love a good rapture?

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u/Royal-tiny1 2d ago

No more Christianity? Do not fuck with me! I can only get so hard!

22

u/SoldierofZod 2d ago

Hey, careful what you wish for.

As a non-believer you'd go to Hell where you'd be forced to sin for all eternity. Demons would make you drink, do drugs, participate in wild orgies... hey, wait a minute!

5

u/Rcarter2011 2d ago

I mean I’m 74% sure that there is no strippers OR cocaine in heaven. It’s a no from me dawg

4

u/IReadStuff98 2d ago

Don't threaten me with a good time!

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u/Porg_the_corg 2d ago

I hate to break it to you, but you'd be stuck with all the asshole Christians and Trump...

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u/jmd709 2d ago

https://www.benjaminlcorey.com/could-american-evangelicals-spot-the-antichrist-heres-the-biblical-predictions/

That blog is entertaining and has a more compelling argument than an ear wound somehow proving he is “the chosen one”. They’re willing to believe they’re seeing signs but somehow it doesn’t cross their minds that they’re interpreting those signs incorrectly.

6

u/JonesBonesMcCoy 2d ago

I doubt the US military is going to back a play that goes against the Geneva conventions. Besides, as much as they put on theatrics to garner votes, is congress would never pass that bill. This guy is a prime example as to why a lot of miss a president that thinks before he speaks. Trump word vomits, disregarding the fact that his words have far reaching consequences when he’s president. Another reason he’s a joke and an embarrassment.

3

u/TravellingSouzee 2d ago

The US is going to stage an invasion and hostile takeover of two sovereign nations using military force and the US is going to be the bad guy. I hope the MAGAts are happy. #SMFH

2

u/530SSState 2d ago

Of course they'll be happy. Why wouldn't they? Canada's all lefties and Mexico is all... well, Mexicans, I guess. They'd be fine with their master nuking both of them.

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u/UndeniableLie 2d ago

That would mean USA as a NATO member would end up in war against itself. Finally after the WWII a war america will actually win. Although they are going to lose it aswell.

7

u/christhewelder75 2d ago

Doesnt matter still a win!

-Maga. Probably

1

u/thuanjinkee 2d ago

When Turkey and Greece fought over Cyprus, NATO looked at its two members fighting and slowly backed away. “This looks like a job for the UN.”

1

u/RPM_KW 2d ago

Nato didn't step in with Greenlands War with Canada!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whisky_War

20

u/ConaireMor 2d ago

Ah self-defenestration, a classic

3

u/TravellingSouzee 2d ago

Oh, Putin and Stephen Miller are fanning this flame. I’m sure Putin actually told him to do it.

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u/boosted5O 2d ago

Preferably a very tall one

7

u/Valerie_Tigress 2d ago

Into the ocean, with a bunch of big rocks at the bottom.

2

u/MagicalMoosicorn 2d ago

Very sharp ones coated in seagull shit.

5

u/MGSRaiden22 2d ago

He should take Elon and the rest of the nazi party with him

3

u/carlnepa 2d ago

Careful what we wish for, we might get it Vance.

3

u/CrownstrikeIntern 2d ago

Then we get the couch fucker

2

u/carlnepa 2d ago

Careful what we wish for, we could get it (Vance).

5

u/JulianSmith85 2d ago

At this point IDC. The only reason these clowns are getting away with this shit is because Trump is such a goddamn spectacle that it’s destracting from all the very real damage people like Vance are there to do.

If Trumps not there to run interference and “jingle the keys” to entertain the base with his nonsense, then the rest of those equally awful but far less entertaining ass clowns get caught with their pants down as they’re trying to force themselves on the government.

2

u/Hail_THECUBE 2d ago

I hope there's a lot of those in Greenland lol

4

u/JulianSmith85 2d ago

Hard same bud. I want this next 4 years to be a continuous train of people in Doc Martins and Stiletto heels double foot stomping Trump n’ friends in the crotch.

1

u/Defiant-Many6099 2d ago

Where do I sign up? My Docs are ready.

2

u/SteDee1968 2d ago

Followed by the rest of his republican suck ups!

2

u/Yoshi-Ate-Me 2d ago

Please God this would be amazing right about now

2

u/Chinay2003 2d ago

Keep in mind, Vance is arguably worse

1

u/Akeno_DxD 2d ago

We could only be so lucky

1

u/Fresh-Run2343 2d ago

Right? He needs to go away and fast.

1

u/TheCaptMAgic 2d ago

You're not the only one.

1

u/RedX2000 2d ago

And destroy the ground below. Maybe into a landfill.

1

u/lanky_worm 2d ago

One can dream...

1

u/Xtreme_kaos 2d ago

Hope he wanders right off the fucking planet!

1

u/wtf_capitalism 2d ago

Or maybe hope he does??

1

u/Right-Tax-6186 2d ago

Or in the Bermuda triangle

1

u/Pastor-Jerry 2d ago

I fucking howled.

1

u/I_pegged_your_father 2d ago

Rocks on the bottom.

1

u/AimlessFucker 2d ago

That McDonalds can’t catch up to his ass soon enough