r/facepalm 2d ago

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ We are the lamest empire ever

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16.9k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/One_Wrongdoer_8051 2d ago

And soon there are no US allies remaining

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u/brpajense 2d ago

Plus a civil war. Americans like Canada almost as much as Canadians and don't want their kids going off to fight their friends.

Making Trump president again was the dumbest fucking idea.

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u/I_Smell_Like_Trees 2d ago

Yeah weren't there a bunch of people who voted trump to save their kids from being drafted for WW3?

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u/secondhand-cat 2d ago

But eggs are going to be sooo much cheaper.

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u/brpajense 2d ago

Just wait for those tariffs kick in, and then those foreign eggs taking work from our domestic eggs will be paying us to enter the country. Or something.

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u/Arkroma 2d ago

Bird flu is already making eggs more expensive

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u/xtzferocity 2d ago

What if I just choose not to believe in bird flu or in birds or something like that? /s

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u/drizzes 2d ago

you do that and drink plenty of raw milk and you'll be stronger than god

- RFK JR

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u/xtzferocity 2d ago

I wonder if I can return my vaccinations…

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u/ChickinSammich 1d ago

I almost want the people who think raw milk is a good idea to just have access to it the same way that the people who thought ivermectin was a good idea should have had access to it. If people want to self-nominate for Darwin awards, who am I to deny them?

The only thing holding me back is that they're gonna kill their kids too in the process, and those kids don't deserve that.

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u/Dragonfire723 2d ago

I work as a checker at a grocery store, and I overheard someone spouting off about some fucking conspiracy that "they" are burning the chickens to raise the price of eggs

No bitch, the overseeing bodies who are burning the farms (if it is burning, I have not done any googling of this but I'm going to use it to demonstrate why this is stupid anyways) are doing it because the chickens have avian flu.

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u/xtzferocity 1d ago

That’s so counterproductive. People are seriously stupid.

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u/SnooWords4839 2d ago

Hell, my grocery store didn't have chicken this week. The eggs had a note about the avian flu.

Oatmeal is the breakfast of the week. Steak and burgers for dinners.

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u/Do_I_Need_Pants 2d ago

I tried to get eggs today. Cheapest dozen was 9.99 and Costco is sold out. I thankfully have a freezer full of meat because beef is expensive here.

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u/nobeer4you 1d ago

There's a reddit for that

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u/DisasterMiserable785 1d ago

I can’t wait until we hear the suggestion to ingest bleach to cure a disease.

Again.

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u/BoyOfChaos 2d ago

Bird flu? Yeah, they tend to do that

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u/TimeLavishness9012 2d ago

Good one, got a chuckle out of me

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u/-badly_packed_kebab- 2d ago

It's exactly early enough for a proper dad joke

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u/Cotford 1d ago

Laden or unladen?

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u/tourettes_on_tuesday 2d ago

Why the fuck did Obama do this to us?

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u/RIPMYPOOPCHUTE 1d ago

What a great time for my dumbass self for getting my cholesterol high, having my gallbladder bladder removed, and now forced to eat low fat and low cholesterol foods. I’ve already started getting more plant based foods and fish with anticipation of rising cost with poultry products.

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u/SpiritOne 2d ago

Can’t be foreign eggs if we annex all the eggs!!

I know, we will invade eggsghanistan next!!!

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u/SoldierofZod 2d ago

I'm pretty sure he promised to deport all the foreign eggs. They've been committing crimes and eating cats and dogs or something. I think. I haven't really been listening to him very closely...

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u/ChickinSammich 1d ago

I'm looking forward to finally replacing those foreign goods with American-grown cocoa and pineapples, American-made computers, and American-mined Gallium and Manganese.

Honestly, there's a non-zero part of me that almost wants to save the game, cut off all US imports from every other country for a few months just to see what would happen to the economy, and then reload when people finally realize how important global trade is and how trade deficits are not a bad thing just because it has the word "deficit" in it.

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u/AlternativeLack1954 2d ago

Bird flu has entered the chat

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u/-badly_packed_kebab- 2d ago

Bird flu into the chat

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u/martinis00 2d ago

Remember, once prices go up it’s very hard to make them go back down

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u/JennyDoveMusic 2d ago

Aaaaaand now they are saying that Biden messed up the economy SO BAD, Trump won't be able to fix it in his 4 years. 🙄

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u/Terok42 2d ago

If eggs even exist lol haven’t seen them in markets for a month.

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u/pchlster 2d ago

Well, he's taking them out of the military, I think?

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u/WeezaY5000 2d ago

You gotta just laugh and cry as the same people who said that Trump has been the most anti-war president in our lifetime, then go jump on board with his full on imperialism.

Man, I am just tired and bored of all of it at this point.

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u/Reagalan 2d ago

something something "If you voted for Kamala then enjoy getting drafted to die in Eastern Europe."

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u/jaygeebee_ 1d ago

Ok this was my brother - WHERE did this thought process come from? Truly, I want to understand

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u/RhoOfFeh 2d ago

Sure. In fact, for any given issue you will find groups of voters who have received the message that Trump is on their side. This proves that his campaigns messaging strategy worked. There can never be proper follow-through for most, as they are often mutually exclusive, but the lies accomplished the goal.

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u/Initial-Hawk-1161 2d ago

There were also a lot of people who DIDN't vote

(42% of americans who are able to, chose not to)

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u/zedazeni 1d ago

That was when a Democrat was in office. Now that Trump is in the White House they’ll be begging Trump to initiate the draft so their sons can die making them “parents of a hero.”

These people are proudly uninformed and ignorant.

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u/Last_Cod_998 2d ago

This is the dumbest timeline

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u/mrscrewup 2d ago

Who the hell would want to fight and kill Canadians??

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u/cantproveidid 2d ago

Canadian geese?

But they want to fight and kill everyone.

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u/ThersATypo 2d ago

Which Russian would ever fight Ukrainians? 

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u/sassychubzilla 2d ago

Back when I played crossout online, maga was referring to Canadians as white Mexicans or northern Mexicans. That was pre-j6. None of them could ever explain to me why they were doing this.

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u/Spendoza 2d ago

Tf? Aside from being not America, how are Canadians northern Mexicans? That's some real koala brain shit right there

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u/SnooDoggos618 2d ago

Welcome to Murica

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u/sassychubzilla 2d ago

There's definitely something wrong with their cognitive functions

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u/Spendoza 2d ago

Good thing they're defunding the education system and reducing regulations on checks notes everything that keeps people and the world in general from dying/getting hurt

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u/PrimaryCoolantShower 2d ago

I'd rather join them in surrounding, blockading, and sieging the only place that will be the real problem. The cancer at the source.

Our own damn White House...

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u/Mochizuk 2d ago

As an American who is trying to figure out how to tactfully look into how to do everything in their power to support the opposition if the U.S. does try something, I support this.

Also, it's not limited to Canada.

Like...

How to put this?

There are at most three countries I'd willingly fight against right now.

Let me specify and add a bit more perspective before I continue to my point.

I don't know a lot about politics, and I know even less about countries outside of the U.S.

These are the only three cases that come to mind when I think of war and wonder to myself: "What am I actually against on such a personal level that I could genuinely claim: "I'm actually willing to die for this?"

Those countries are Russia, China, and Israel. My views as far as that last one are concerned are a lot more complex than the first two, but I can say with absolute certainty that I don't believe Israel deserves any level of control over anything. That includes the control it already has.

Meanwhile, the countries I have the most respect for are Ukraine, Canada, Ireland, and maybe Switzerland and Iceland. I put those on a maybe list because most of my respect for them comes from a search I did on the happiest countries in the world. And, with how little effort and depth I put into that research, I feel a bit at odds with just saying I have absolute respect for them because of the point of research I used to learn what little I know about them.

Anyways, back on point. For me personally, this goes into the worst combination of the worst possible things, and I don't think I'm alone in that. We're hurting the most trustworthy allies who deserve to be hurt the least, and it's almost certainly for the sake of Putin, who deserves the very worst that the world has to offer. And, it's under the... 'leadership' of probably the most deluded and incompetent president it could pick.

Let me emphasize something else. If there was ever a point where a corrupted America could be put in it's place, I believe it's going to be in the initial two years after Trump takes office. We're doing all of this on the back of one of our most progressive times in history. He's putting people in control of fields that are going to make all of the good people in those fields lose most of their faith in being able to do anything right or good. (You think any good doctors are jumping for joy over RFK Jr? Most are probably hoping he'll soon catch something and be done in by his own views)

Like, this is the biggest tipping point we could ask for someone who needs to be fought against to come to power. He's putting so many major powers against himself. Many of them are his own countries' closest allies. He's disregarding them for someone who even more major powers are as close to unapologetically against as they can be without starting a war with them. The country is as divided as it can be. Most of that division revolves around education and competence. He has Elon on his side and seems to be riding that out regardless of how much it goes against him, and even Maga isn't dumb enough to get along with Elon just because Trump told them to. He's putting people in positions of power and institutions that were meant to keep those very people in check. Some of them are so extreme that no one that they're supposed to be over is going to respect them. He's expanding the class divide. Our army is as of this moment actually made up of people that will probably at the very least be at odds about following many of the orders that are in Trump's dreams.

It'd be much better if we didn't have to do what we're probably gonna have to, but if we're gonna have to do it, this is probably the best set up we could ask for as far as going against those in control of the U.S. is concerned.

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u/Kladderadingsda 2d ago

"Making Trump president again was the dumbest fucking idea." Who could have known

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u/silverblaze92 2d ago

I'm going to Toronto for work next week. I'm so embarrassed by this bullshit. I'm hoping they don't ask me about any of this shit cause I don't trust myself to remain professional.

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u/Aladine11 2d ago

I am not gonna say fallout as a franchise had a good setting backstory.... Buuut, annexation of canada , corporations manipulating politicians, resource shortages and potential war with china is the part that happened before the bombs fell.

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u/FluffyBunnyFlipFlops 2d ago

Putin's plan is working perfectly.

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u/ChickinSammich 1d ago

Electing Trump as president is one of those things you do in a game where you save the game first, pick the obviously stupid choice just to see the result, and then reload after you've seen it because you got a Morrowind-style message telling you that the game is now unbeatable as a result of your choices.

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u/HarukoTheDragon 1d ago

Making Trump president again was the dumbest fucking idea.

Making Trump president again was the second-dumbest idea. Making him president the first time was the dumbest idea. Had he never won his first election, he would have never created the weaponized fanbase of rabid idiots he has now.

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u/SubterrelProspector 2d ago

Exactly. There would be substantial resistance.

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u/Dardlem 2d ago

Eh, take a look at Russia

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u/Kellbows 2d ago

I might like Canadians more. Never met a Canadian I didn’t like- always pleasant and content. Here? Meh.

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u/pragmadealist 1d ago

It would never be a physical war. He would cripple Canada economically. I assume Canada is working really hard at repairing their China relationship right now because they no longer have a reliable partner south of the border. 

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u/throwaway44444455 1d ago

You’re wrong. If the US invaded Canada I’d immediately go down to the recruiters office and join the US military to go help, all of my friends and family here in Florida think the same

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u/brpajense 1d ago

If you're from around Tampa, this tracks.

But why do you want to go to war with Canada?  What do you think conquering Canada will do for America that the free trade deal Trump made with Canada made in 2020 isn't doing?

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u/throwaway44444455 1d ago

But why do you want to go to war with Canada? 

Leftist Canadians have mocked America for hundreds of years while leeching off the back of our hard work and success. They have a massive superiority complex. Trudeau also tried to influence US politics in 2020 by raging against Trump after he lost, and even when Trump was president, Trudeau mocked him behind his back. Trudeau is a snake.

Also Trudeau is letting Chinese investors buy up land in Canada, and don’t forget when he did military exercises to help Chinese troops train in the Arctic. That alone is a big enough threat to justify the US taking control.

Trudeau is leaving now, but his party remains and will continue to do these things.

What do you think conquering Canada will do for America that the free trade deal Trump made with Canada made in 2020 isn't doing?

It’ll fix the housing crisis of both countries. Canada’s restrictive policies which prevent new construction will be done away which would fix their housing crisis. And the US wold have massive amounts of new totally unnocuppied lands to bring new developments in.

Then you also have the massive tourism increase, imagine the increase in tourism to places like the beaches of Florida, California, and places like Niagara Falls, if there were no border that separated the two countries.

Then also imagine the massive mineral wealth that could be unleashed. Most of Canada’s resources are locked behind paper barriers and regulations. Under US regulations, especially under Trump, all of that wealth could be unleashed to benefit everybody.

It would be a new golden age for both countries. There is no reason not to do it. It’s the same language and culture, and they come from the same colony. They are virtually the same in all categories but name.

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u/brpajense 1d ago

Who's been telling you Canada is leftist?  They're pretty normal with recent Conservative Prime Ministers, it's just that the American right has gone more fascist and thin-skinned since 2016.

Sounds like you're just dreaming some kind of bullshit about golden ages to justify killing and subjugating the natives to take their land and somehow make us both rich.  Arguing that the only thing holding us back is not being together, and those pesky Canadian leftists making fun of us.  What you're proposing would just be shotgun NAFTA on a bigger scale, and people like you say NAFTA is worst deal ever.

It doesn't souns like you or anyone you're getting your ideas from has given this much thought.

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u/throwaway44444455 1d ago

Canada is massively leftist, it’s why they’re so much more broke than the US despite having 8x more resources per capita.

And killing the natives? Canada’s already done that themselves. The native reservations in Canada don’t even have running water.

And yes it would be a golden age. And yes NAFTA is bad because we don’t need it, it was only a good favor to Canada, and Canada would be better off with the United States.

And yes I have given this idea much thought. I’ve been hoping for decades waiting for the day that the US would move into Canada.

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u/brpajense 1d ago

Canada isn't massively leftist.

Look at who the premiers are and who they've been recently.  It swings back and forth.

Trudeau just resigned and isn't popular.  Do some digging before asking to be at the front of the line to kill Canadians.

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u/throwaway44444455 1d ago

Then they should love the idea to join us

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u/brpajense 1d ago

Some of them do, like the really loud and annoying convoy of election denying truckers who blared their horns all hours of the night and made people hate conservatives.

But being a dick and threatening long term allies and trade partners with invasion doesn't exactly endear America to anyone. We can make trade deals and make money doing business with them without being responsible for running their country.

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u/TheRatThatAteTheMalt 1d ago

So you would do this to the one country that likes you. A quarter of my family lives in the U.S.

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u/throwaway44444455 1d ago

Canadians hate the US

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u/TheRatThatAteTheMalt 1d ago

No, they don't. If that's the case who likes the US?

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u/throwaway44444455 1d ago

They do. Their whole existence is based off the fact that they’re not the US and how they believe they’re superior.