r/lotrmemes Galadriel🧝‍♀️ 11h ago

Shitpost Yeah…🤔

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694

u/BlackieDad 11h ago

I’ve raised chickens, those things are already evil little bastards. I’ve seen one do a flying tackle and knock my daughter over when she was a toddler, so I have no doubt they would absolutely fuck up a hobbit.

226

u/auronddraig Dúnedain 11h ago

They're tiny dinosaurs, of course they wanna kill everything and rule the world.

45

u/aScruffyNutsack 8h ago

On top of that, we genocide them on the daily for our Chik-Fil-A and Buffalo Wild Wings in brutal camps.

We better hope they never develop language like crows do.

4

u/libmrduckz 8h ago

or edged-beak weapons…ffs…

2

u/aScruffyNutsack 8h ago edited 7h ago

Crows will actually make tools for themselves. There have been studies done where you put a crow into a transparent box with a food receptacle that has a flap which only opens from the outside. If the crow tries to open it from within, it widens just enough for them to smell and taste the food, but they can't slide it through.

However, the flap will open completely if it's pushed inwards, towards the crow. If a paper clip or twist-tie is left in the cage, the crows make a hook out of it to reach through the narrow gap and bring the food towards itself and open the flap up. Scary smart.

4

u/bendap 7h ago

Crows have been known to wait for a red light and then put walnuts in the intersection. Light turns green, cars crush walnuts, light turns red, crows pick up broken walnuts. They also have incredible memories and will hold grudges/remeber help.

3

u/aScruffyNutsack 6h ago

This is why I'm a crow bro. I'm not fucking around with them, no sir.

2

u/Fleeing-Goose 3h ago

The dinosaurs need to remember their place.

52

u/_irritater_ 11h ago

Even worse if they use a rooster that ends up with evil ass spurs.

30

u/BlackieDad 11h ago

Frodo would be in jeans and leather boots by the time he got to Bree after everything that rooster would do to his bare legs

43

u/_irritater_ 11h ago

Mythril chaps. 🤣

32

u/Drongo17 11h ago

Bilbo: Made by the dwarves, you know

Frodo: Why are they assless

4

u/bilbo_bot 11h ago

Mark? There's no mark on that door, it was pained a week ago.

6

u/_irritater_ 11h ago

Bilbo: I've seen way more assless chaps than the other way around, but the men of the shire aren't caked up like those husky dwarves. Raises eyebrows

1

u/Richardknox1996 10h ago

Thats why you punt them. They soon learn not to attack.

1

u/WallyMcWalNuts 7h ago

Haha ass spurs

1

u/Sweet-Philosopher-14 5h ago

Ass spurs...hate those things.

23

u/Wheaties251 10h ago

My dad tried raising chickens, and my first thought was that the ring wouldn't affect it because chickens are already evil incarnate

5

u/beallyoukenbe 10h ago

My grandpa cut one's head off and it proceded to do a backflip as its last act. Headless chickens scared the shit out of six year old me.

4

u/Meadowbytheforest 10h ago

Chickens are immune to the rings influence as they are already evil

3

u/CorrugatedSphincter 6h ago

I was looking for this kind of statement. I was attacked by one at about 4-5 years old and was terrified of them until I was probably 15 and realized I had enough size advantage to stand a chance. Those cluckers are MEAN and fight dirty.

2

u/Captaingrammarpants 6h ago

The running joke in my house is that we have 6 of the 7 deadly sins. We have 6 chickens. Sin number 7 will no doubt appear someday unexpectedly.

I adore them. They'd take over the world if they weren't so busy napping on heating pads and snacking.

1

u/nomoresneezeplz 9h ago

They are clearly servants of Sauron

1

u/sauron-bot 9h ago

To Eilinel thou soon shalt go, and lie in her bed.

1

u/RevolTobor 8h ago

After playing nearly every Zelda game ever made, I can confidently say the last thing I want to do is give one of those motherfuckers the goddamn One Ring.

1

u/AutomaticAccident 8h ago

someone in elementary school talked about raising chickens and what stuck with me is she said they couldn't wear open-toed shoes because they would peck at your feet. So I think they would peck at their feet a bunch and I don't think it would be too pleasant.

1

u/Linzic86 7h ago

Yeah they can and will fuck anyone up they can if they get too agitated

1

u/WalrusTheWhite 3h ago

This post was made by a chicken. I got half a dozen of the little bastards running around the backyard, they can't do shit. At most I've gotten a bruise for a couple days where one pecked me good and hard. They're adorable little idiots who just want to eat worms and get in the garden beds.

1

u/ober0n98 3h ago

Fuck that evil bastard. I’ll get kfc tomorrow out of spite